Judge — August 7, 1886 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUD QE. nose mit der bungstarter pefore he abbreciates his brivileges. I dell you, Chonny, dis gountry is too free, unt ven ve areall dead ve vill pegin to oonderstand it.” “Will you take this last paper, Strauss ?” “Yah, yoost put it in der pureau dere.” “What bureau? I don’t see no bureau.” “Put tin dot bureau dot you speak somedings aboud, Chonny. Pime-py you git so fresh I got to soak you in der vater der Battery out- side.” THE OLD PROFESSOR. HOW SHE KNEW. Mrs. Brown (looking out of the window)—"' Who is that very big woman old Scraggs is running around with? I wonder if it can be his new wife ?” Mrs. MaLaprop (excitedly)—"‘ Big woman, eh ? be Amy ?” Mrs. Brown (inquisitively)—‘Good gracious! find out her name ¢” Mrs Mataprop (blankly)—‘ Why, his first poor deserted wife told Why, that must However did you me all about her troubles, and she said she was going to have him ar- y rested for committing big-Amy. That's how I know.” A LOST OPPORTUNITY. OwneR—“* Yes ; every chicken in the hen house is that ni; Jefferson's gone off ‘with the whole lot.” 2 a “ Uxcte Mose—“ He's an allfired mean nigger not to leave one fur his naburs. It’s a pity I was sick night afore last.’ ‘A METAMORPHOSIS, wee Brown (moralizing)— What strange things occur in this world!” Mrs. Puowash (illustratingly)—‘* Yes ; take for example the won- dertal change that comes over the prattling salesladies the end of every week,” Mrs. B. (placidly)—‘‘ And what may that be, my dear t” Mrs. P. (truthfully)—“‘Oh, they are ready enough to shut up at noon on Saturday.” ‘A FAVORED PROFESSION Broker (at the club)—“‘ It is a great pity thatan able man like Dilke should blast all his prospects by such a foolish mistake.” Frieyp (correcting him)—‘ You mean that it is a pity he is a poli- tician instead of a minister. -T don't exactly comprehend what you mean.” ] . y)—"Oh, in this world no one but a minister can misbehave and yet be regarded in the light of a martyr.” A PLAUSIBLE REASON. ‘TeacHER—‘ What are you scratching your head for 7” ScHoLaR—“ Cos I'm ther only won who knows when it itches.” SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER (to bright scholar)—‘ And what is your greatest ambition in life, Johuny ?” LrTTLe Jounxy (ambitiously)—“I would like to be able to speak all the languages in the world.” TEACHER (philosophically)—“ That's a noble ambition, my dear ; but you must not essay too much. Remember that there is nothing so sweet as the mother tongue.” Littie Jonnyy (glumly)—‘‘ You woultin’t say thatif you had a mother like me.” UNDER HER PARASOL. The white sands glimmered in the sun, And little laughing waves in glee Brought tiny tufts of seaweed won From cool, dark caverns far at sea. But fairer far than these to me A well-loved figure, trim and small, With blue eyes bending modestly Beneath her scarlet parasol. I know not how my words begun— ‘That they were idle we'll agree. i) I may have talked about the sun Or murmured mildly of the sea; But she was very dear to me. It cannot matter after all ‘What formal words prefaced my plea fy Beneath her scarlet parasol. Y She looked as grave as any nun, ‘And yet I knew I held the key To both our hearts, for I had won The fairest on this earth to me. She was no more a maiden free And I was servant at her call ; My heart was holding jubilee Beneath her scarlet parasol. Envoy. lext season by that summer sea We two were married—that is all. Nor was it strange the knot should be Tied ‘neath her scarlet parasol. GEORGE DAY. comicbooks.com