Judge — July 10, 1886 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A MODEST REJOINDER. Coot-HEADED BoY—“ You are holding on to him a’ blamed sight better than I can.” Hui of the Court. As between horse and hydrophobia Mr. Mor- osini prefers roast duck. Some grocers uptown propose a combination to lessen the price of beans, They call it a lit- erary syndicate. The faith of M. de Lesseps is said to be as strong as adamant, What he really wants, however, is money—not faith. An exchange itz John Porter has borne his burden like a man. We hasten to pay the public the same compliment. Anarchist Parsons is thought to be insane. We beg to congratulate him. He can by no possibility ever win a higher compliment. The queen enters with good health upon the fiftieth year of her reign, and Albert Edward says he thinks for his part that it never reigns but it pours. The Bavarians are so grieved over Ludwig's death that they propose a search of the local lunatic asylums to find somebody sufficiently crazy to fill his place. “Clara Belle” died, is true; but she re- turned in a state of disgust just as soon as she discovered that the angels went around with some of their clothes on. Jones and Small, evangelists, made $2,500 in Boston, and we are looking with some anxiety for the figures showing how much of it they put in foreign missions. Alice McCarthy of San Francisco, recently convicted of vagraney, has, according to an exchange, $25,000 laid away in her stocking. What an enormous foot Alice must have. The Boston Herald suspends publication on every anniversary of the battle of Bunker Hill. No other paper fails to report on that day unless it has run out of ammunition. It having been partially decided that Francis Bacon wrote Shakespeare's plays, per- haps we may learn eventually who paid the bribery money to the indicted aldermen. “The windmill is on a wonderful increase about Atlanta,” says the Constitution of that place. It is a delicate way of advertising a JUDGE. supposed enlargement of the paper's circula- tion. A Scotch tourist say with the exception of Naples Chicago beats the world for drink- ing and social vice, and now Chicago is almost as jealous of Naples as she is of St. Louis. “The president is all right,” says a postmas- ter-editor in Pennsylvania. Considering the disinterested source of this information, we feel authorized to draw a sigh of profound relief, Miss F. R. Scidmore, a Washington writer, is going to Norway to see the ‘midnight sun. We prefer our sun in the good, old-fashioned way. Itis hard enough to get up to see it at the appropriate hour for those exercises. A lady who has done much for the opera| says she would not look upon a ballet—they are all vulgar. In our opinion the ballet is made up from the sex best adapted to the dis- |son cried out indignantly, ‘See here, you- graven image! that isn’t in your lines,” Whereupon Mary came down from her ped- estal and leaned against a fly and wept. It occurred before a Philadelphia audience, however, and the applause was vociferous, Martin F, Tupper says he is true, great, sin. cere, noble, philosophic and poetic; but, thank heaven, there is nothing conceited about him. | And really he is very humble. If Mr. Shakes. peare were to be resurrected and were to kneel to Martin we feel assured that the latter would lift him up and sweetly say, ‘‘ Don’t go so far, William. All you need to do to take off | your hat and call me king.” “They say,” said the fat man, chaffing the little shoemaker, ‘‘that you're to join the circus as the acrobatic skeleton.” ‘* So?” re- marked the little shoemaker, leaning reflect lively over his lapstone. ‘ Well, that is 1 so; but I do hear that they're going to saw off your paunch, put iton your back and 1 play; but perhaps, on second thought, that is} you the chief camel of the lonely des the very reason of her objection. The lady had called, bearing a yeast-cake in her hand. ‘I'm almost sure to forget it,” she said, and the cook needs it. If I lay it aside I shall be sure to sit down on it.” ‘ Pray don't do that,” he replied gallantly. “If you do I shall expect to see you rise too soon.” Minister Winston resigned the Persian mis: sion to go into private business. says, however, that he accepted it at the quest of the woman he intended to marry, she having jilted him he jilted the mission, re- And a little revenge of that kind would be quite sweet, Warner Miller has been made a doctor of laws by Union college, and some persons are) foolish enough to think he doesn't care now whether he is returned to the senate or not. But the doctor knows what hi bout. If he had two collars and a double-storied hat he would want to wear his pantaloons just the same. It was charged against Massachusetts that she had more divorce cases than all of the southern states put together. ‘Very well,” said a Bostonian when he | heard of it, spitting on his hands; “let us prepare to attack the Mormonsand | the cannibals of the for- | eign isles. The monstrous | wickedness of those parties must be put an end to.” | Mrs. Cox has been pre- sented by the sultan with the grand cordon of the | order of Chouket. It is so long since we have seen | a grand cordon of this kind | that its general appearance has escaped us ; but if it | isn’t necessary to employ a donkey tocarry itaround we may at least congratu: | late Mr. Cox on the fact that he is to be fatigued by | no extra expense, | When Mary Anderson | sneezed recently, while | representing Galatea in One writer | ., “Huh !” replied the fat man, “think you're smart, don’t you ?” blushing; | SAYINGS OF MRS. PUGWASH. | There are some men in this world so chival- | rous that they love all women except their own ives....In shaking a carpet the wise man gets to windward. ...To most of us the ds of life are quicksands....The lover who into a poke bonnet to kiss his girl may be said to be head and ears in love....The se we seldom give them anything. ... Experience isa teacher that never spares the rod....The differ between the miser and the spendthrift is as the shadow is to the substance. The one loves money; the other what money will There are many men who make a li r seeking for the truth, but who never find it A RARE CHANCE, we Cour— Say, old fellow, what you got your winter overcoat on to-day for ?” BoGas—“ Well, I've got the chills and my wife thought it a good the marble, Forbes Robert- time to shake the moths out.” comicbooks.com