Judge — July 10, 1886 — page 3: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AT PEEKSKILL. Yorktown !” Thanks, old man, I'd forgotten it myself.” friend, with the countersign !” if his political famil not grown large it is be- cause there isn't enough of the precious material of which it is composed \togo around. If he is |not in Paradise it is be- | “ause he expects the de- ectable to come to him, | and much of its sunshine and music will seek re- pose in his angelic gar. ments and — surround his good old head with the halloo of joyful recog- nition. RACE TRACK PHILOSOPHY. | The best horse doesn't always win, | Look out for the horse in bandages. ‘The black “ tout” would burst a bank. | | The knowing ones! never win anything. | Some old horses can |run fast on three legs. A short horse is harder to catch than a flea. The backer is on the | wrong side of the house. | | The horse the starter tomed to that amusement all her life, and) there have been times when she talked too profusely, She belongs by birth to the sex which occasionally ventures an observation, las his money on gets a good lead. The man who hesi ates is sure to lose. | The careful better loses the most money. The man who strikes a winner A COQUETTE’S QUESTION. Not by Mrs. Browning. Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing That fashion has ever devised — For a woman's love, with her many bills, Which are never undersized ? Do you know you have asked for this costly thing. With the cheek of a millionaire, Forgetting you have but a thousand a year Its myriad burdens to be ‘You have asked my affection, my hand and my heart; (Abt what is a beart, by the way 1) ow stand at the bar where my doggie presides, And answer my questions to-day, You require that I take your detestable name And become Mrs. Jones evermore— Will you bay me a bonnet whenever I ask And never find fault with the score ? ‘You require that I love but my doggie and you, And give up my flirting and fun ; Will you build us a house on the Fifth avenue ? Tl marry you when it is done, c silk drewses as oft as I wish, and bonnets and sacques ? ough servants to do all the work, While I fashion tidies and plaques ? Tam fair and young, but the rose will fade y my cosmetic bill beckon it there to stay, 1s your hank account #0 large and full I may launch my all on its tide > A woman of fashion finds beaven or hell ‘On the day she is made a bride. T require to be dressed in the beight of the mode, And servants, the children to tend, ‘That doggle and Imay go shopping at will, With plenty of money to spend. You cannot grant this? Then tha Will love you much bi ‘The heart of a woman of fashion, my friend, ‘There's nothing but money can buy ed-headed girl | Mrs. Schelling is still strutting and fretting Fi f 3 ants to go and which sometimes observes with a vocal lessness as to the spaces which ought to fetween words and the paragraphs separating} 4 gambler never knows wBen he has-made : | jects which is alarming to the astonished | Cough. who busies himself mostly in losing her hour upon the stage, and perhaps her hus- band would do so too but for the work of Jake Sharp. As it is, however, he is strutting nd fretting his fourteen hours a day on a The gambler is never afraid of dying poor | norse-car. home. n ideas and making gestures of admiring assent. But she should confine herself for the most part to the subject nearest her throbbing heart—the collection of her bills. That some- times requires talking enough for a political campaign, and she should save herself through- out the week in order to bend all her energies to that great effort. Our artist throws out a few desultory signs on the back page for use in the boarding-house dining-room, and we feel sure that an army of landladies will immedi- ately proceed, by way of thanks, to draw him to their motherly breasts and drop tears of appreciation on his unornamented scalp. DAVID AS AN There has been no definite information from David Davis since his departure ; but he 1s probably located midway between the ortho- doxical extremes, the better to secure his hap- piness and minister to such ambition as the great and good have over there. Mr. Davis was a conservative in everything but size. It was his opinion that if a man wanted to be president his wiser method was to steer clear of the organizations that make presidents. If one isto make bread, thought Mr. Davis, he toust boil a stone in water and throw the flour: in the house out of the window. Any direct} method of doing anything was radically Wrong, and the proper way to go west was to start cast or remain at home. We regard the memory of Mr. Davis with profound affection. The good man was, without intending it, the] original mugwump if N. P. Banks wasn’t ; and as long as he can rich. The first. impression picks out the most wi ners, The favorite pays the least, but he gets there oftenest. According to his backers, the horse that falls would surely have won the race. Adollar on the win- ner is better than five on the loser. A NATURAL ISTAKE. nma, when I T want you to make sam out of me.” “What a ridiculous idea. How do you ex- pect Iam to make cream out of you when you are dead ¢” ** Why, send me to a crematory.” EPITAPES. On a departed cashier —Our loss is his gain. On a masher—Peace to his mashes. ON AN EQUAL FOOTING. He— Do you know I am getting quite jealous of Fido?” Sux—* Ohi! you needn't be, for love you just as much as Ido him?” comicbooks.com