Judge — June 26, 1886 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE. NECESSITY THE MOTHER OF IN’ | . me dear, where's me spring ivir moind thim’; wear yer 01 curtain we h now, the envy of th yburs.” VENTION. —did Mr, Cleveland Inc | that? “Let me get you a parachute,” said the generous young hus- band to his wife. “No,” she replied with a look of domes- | tic responsibility,‘ we must be economical, dear. One will be sufficient.” | Caroline Herschell, the woman astrono- mer, admitted, at the age of ninety-nine, that she had never had an offer of mar- riage. She resembled the turtle, perhaps —she lived too much in Herschell. The probabilities are that Murderer Max- well will be hanged- | We beg to congrat- | ulate him, He will thereby get rid of an ence that must perpetual shock to his moral Pants tld wons—it'san illigant Mui of the Court. The land that the first lady most loves is be-| lieved to be Cle: d. A new southern evangelist 1s named Porter. We beg to suggest to him that he draw it Ben Butler says it is foolish to think he will ever run for president again. It is worse than that. Itisidiocy. Itis villainy. The Jersey potato is afflicted with what is called black rot, the name coming evidently from the New York Sunday newspapers. England is said to have 347 female black- far, accordingly, from a woman ple to shoo a hen she can even shoe a horse. Every time the government threatens the Mormons the male individuals of that persua- sion get so mad that they go right off and take a new wife. Som mummies to this country. If we can't have fresh, decent mummies we prefer to have no munimies at Mrs. Nellie Drummond, a Virginia colored woman, recently gave birth to a child that spoke assoon as it was born, Oddly enough, the child is a be A Philadelphi Play is a Jewel.” delphi keeping to one of the safe deposit companies. paper has the headline “* If that is the case in Phila- Governor Pattison is talked of for pres.dent, too. The state he belongs to will have much todo with the Democratic national conven- tion, doubtless. By the way which state is it ? Minister Phelps has been ordered by his physician to live more quietly. that most effectively by returning to Vermont nature from the time he left the cradle. A good deal of quiet fun is made of Mr. 's's old hat ; but Mr. Evarts is afraid that he were to get a new one he would be | charged with flckleness, and peradventure a change of the opinions which he is going to have. The Vassar commencement was a beautiful success, The young ladies had their hair done up with unprecedented skill and their essays were mostly of white lawn cut on the and he ever think of bias and properly adorned with flowers and leaves. Grover and Daniel preserved thoir temper during the recent fishing excursion, but the question as to which caught the most fish will have to be referred to a senatorial investigating committee. The trouble seems to have been that Grover insisted on counting those which got away. George W. Childs’s gardener says the great humanitarian is a fine judge of roses, and is especially fond of the Cleveland Rose. | This is the first time that Mr. Childs has been accused of impropriety, and we shouldn't believe the story if he were caught in the very heart of Holland Patent. _ “This is Depew 1” said the colored usher of an uptown church inquiringly to Chauncey M., pausing in his march up the aisle. “That's what they call me,” was the short response; “what of it, sir 7” |“ Very snappish man dat, said the usher, moving briskly away ; time I luff ‘im take his Chaunceys.” A lady writing for the Atlanta Constitution says we should be more generous in judgment of Tennyson's ‘tottering lyre,” bearing in mind the fact that Alfred is in his second childhood. The lady is real kind, but we should think the defence would make Alfred totter almost as much as his lyre does. | The Buffalo Commercial Advertiser declared positively that Miss Folsom wouldn't have Mr. Cleveland. It also declared that Grover wouldn't be elected. If Mr, Warren's paper doesn’t assume the part of the prophet who |omits to predict it will lose its reputation for | veracity just as soon as ever it can get it. The Pittsburg Leader tells of a senator who | was intoxicated when he paid a eulogy to a dead predecessor. One should. never indulge Jin the bow! when his turn comes to be melan choly. It gets all the tears in the wrong places and ‘mixes the rhetorical flow up with the statisti facts with hopeless confusion When one weeps he should do so decently and in order; otherwise his water privilege is em barrassing to the corpse. play had better be handed for safe! | FISHERM. ‘Hush yer noise, chil hook !" “Hi yar, fadder ! yose got the hook ketched i “spect de suckahs a He could do|in #* To himself—‘ Seems kind'r strange I kaint git up in de bow fer ter see what I got on dat yar “ MAKING BOTH ENDS MEET" OR FISH. in yo" — , *gwine ter bite wiv all dat screech- comicbooks.com