Judge — June 5, 1886 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Business picking up. | béléed hit ontwell he stubs his toeagin hit. Ef | enjoy the victory, Well, who knows but this man war ‘clined toe laan by de 'sper'ence ob | dream n oddahs, dar wud be fewah willin’ toe touch | Democrs buzz saws’ toe fin’ out wuddah da is runnin’; darud be fewah fun’rals ob dose willin’ toe blow intoe a gun toe fin’ out wuddah hit er loaded; blowin’ out de gas ud cease to be fash- ‘nable, an’ de newspapahs ud quit harpin’ on de danjah ob usin’ karsene toe kindle de fiah.” J. Ay WALDRON. rae The Intermission. The offensive partisan whose place is wanted for the serviceable partisan is said to be the original lamb that drank below the wolf but was bounced all the same. The salvation army threatens to move on Chicago and remain there ‘till the city is re- generated.” In other words, these gallant sol- diers intend to hold the fort till people go to sheol for their ice. One of the critics has been comparing ‘The Bostonians” with “The Parisians.” The re- semblance is certainly striking, the only dif- ference being that Bulwer’s novel is a great work of art and James's novel a work of great art. “General Logan,” says a Washington cor. respondent, “studiously conceals his age.” But where does he conceal it? Under his rank crop of hair, no doubt. And that’s where the general has Brother Edmunds where the hair is short, A New Jersey belle, presumably of the eques- trian order, lately ‘‘cleared a six foot hurdle ‘ander the auspices of the Essex county hunt.” It would seem from this that the auspices of the E.c. h. cannot be less than twelve feet from the ground. The complaint comes from Washington that a clerk in one of the departments, who passed the civil service examination, has been guilty of theft. The examining board must have for- gotten toask the candidate the question whether he. knew how not to steal. There be fond dreamers who dream that the time will come when Republicans and Demo- crats will sweat and howl and torches bear, and pay brass bands, stump speakers and other wind instruments to carry elections in order that the defeated party of the second part may Doing » rushing business. y come true, when Republicans and | agree to steer clear of Cincinnati | and Chicago and hold their conventions in the New Jerusalem? RECENT STRIKES. The footman because he had a sore lip and his master refused to furnish the requisite salve, Mrs. Ferguson of Snap corners because her husband prevented her elopement with the hired man. The sales-lady because she was told to bring her nose down to business and cease treating her own sex with lofty contempt. The man-ofall-work for the reason that the range had a cracked griddle and the cook was similarly afflicted just above his cars. J. Smith for the reason that Mrs, J. Smith said he mustn't buy any more bouquets and bonnets for the grass-widow next door. The chambermaid because she was debarred the privilege of kissing behind the door and was too modest to transfer the exercises to the other side of it. The floor-walker because, having chilblains, he was brutally refused the occupancy of an easy chair that he -might “swear the more pro-| fusely at his misfortune and the regular cus-! tomers. ‘A-FATAL MISTAKE. INTELLIGENT CowBOY (to northerner who has run down ‘to Texas to make inquiry about! the sudden disappearance of wealthy relative)—- “Mean the Boston man ? Always wore his hat shined? Well, the fact is he couldn't stand our climate. Went into Hart's drug-store and | saw a glass of El Paso whisky and a glass of carbolic acid standing together on the counter, and"— “Ah, yes, I see; drank the carbolic by mis- take instead of the”"— “‘No, drank tho whisky by mistake, and dropped like a shot goat,” THERE MIGHT BE DANGER. PROFESSIONAL BURGLAR’S WIFE—‘t What in| heaven's name have you got now ?” | PROFESSIONAL BURGLAR—'‘I saw acouple of white mice when I was on my way home from work and I thought they would be nice to have in the house.” PROFESSIONAL BURGLAR'S WIFE—‘ Yes; but, | -Bill, ain't you afraid they'll squeal on yout” "| WAIFS FROM THE PROFESSOR. The anarchist who hoarsely howls “ Bread or blood” will generally split the difference and compromise:on beer. We seo an item in tho press headed “ Strike on the Garfield Monument.” Perhaps thiat is what ails Grant's monument in this city. Jeff Davis is harmless, of course; but we re. member that it is the same jawbone of the same ass Which slow a hundred thousand men a score of years ago. There is a proverb about a state of mind which a red rag will produce on a male bovine, |and a red flag will hereafter have the same ef- | fect on an Americ: One of the inspectors of the Pennsylvania soldiers’ orphan home on viewing the instru. ment of torture called a bed in that institution remarked that it was a fearful boycot for thé little chaps. _ It is reported that a pig was born at Jackson- burg, three miles from Little Falls, several days ago with eyes in the side of the head and five fingers like a human being.— Utica Observer. This is probably the second generation of the kind of hog who walks twelve blocks toa pub- lic reading room to avoid buying a three-cent paper, MIXED IN HIS EPITHETS. EpGerty—‘‘Gracious, major! what ts the matter? You seem agitated enough to cata man.” Masor CoveERLID— ‘Agitated! Why, of course I'm agitated. Who wouldn't be? Brown insults me and then refuses to fight. Zounds!” Eparriy—“ Why, he's a poltroon !” Masor Covertip—“ That's what I called him not ten minutes ago. Do you know I told him he was one of the worst pontoons in the whole country.” JUDGE'S FASHION, Appropriate Design for a Summer Costume. comicbooks.com