Judge — June 5, 1886 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

nature never intended. | It means the constant attention and watchful- ness which are so an- ing to the healthy jd; and when the heir apparent becomes the heir triumphant, hav- ing previously had nothing which yoath wants and everything which it ought not to have, he isa thoroughly conceited, selfish! wretch, with no idea that anybody in the world has a right to consideration except his worthless and non-pro- ducing self. If it were to be optional on the part of the impending babe whether to be born. or go in the opposite direction, the choice) would perhaps be the latter alternative, al-| — Wi upposing the candidate to be capable of alittle thought. Little Thirteen would hav inquired imperatively ‘Am I to be a king The response being in the affirmative, with a broad smile of congratulation, the candidate would have grown sick with apprehension and added to the original interrogatory : “With all that foolery of servants and tutors, and with no mud _ pies or puss in the corner, and no little girl with towsly hair to dinner with during the noonings, and with the chances finally of a republic and exile from my native land likemy grandmother and for a time like my pa—with the scandalous stories and feuds that have made my house the talk of the world, and without the chance of running over to Paris for a day’s fun except at Buratar. OWNER OF MANSION UP TO THE TRICKS OF THE TRADE. DANGEROUS LOOKING TRAMP (sternly}—“ Give me your watch !” Founay Mr. Swatttorp—“* V Waterbury. D. L. 1.—** Well, then, your clothes go with it.’*| ith pleasure; it’s a « Are you asleep OWNER OF MANSION—"* Yes.” Buratan—“ Ah, I thought I would catch you and make you speak.” JUDGE. PRESENCE OF MIND. on “Why, that’s all right; I'm talking in my slee the peril of having my life threatened by those infernal Frenchmen? The response being in the affirmative, with various dignified explanations culated to} smooth over the anticipated emergencies, little Thirteen would have replied with great ani- mation: “Take your old throne and give it to some- body else! I'd rather be a coarse hollyhock nd bloom for the unappreciative agricultur- ist, or a plebeian thistle, to waste myself in down over countless acres at the mercy of the resistless winds.” This is the Court’s unsolicited opinion of the new Spanish purple as it existed previous to this unhappy birth. The birth was doubtless due to the chivalric spirit of the undeveloped | Spanish breast, and little Thirteen comes | merely that he may save his elder sister from the perils and penalties which unavoidably be- | long to the Spanish throne. | DECISIONS HANDED UP. Home rule hasn't yet m: home runs.—Utica Observer, ar actors are to be known as headlights of the footlights.— Yonkers Gazette. First and second loves are like new and old cider—the first is sweet, but the second has more strength. —New Haren News. A Pittsburg girl who been visiting here has returned to her native city, She says the atmos- | phere of Boston does not soot her.—Boston Com- | mercial. “Thank you.” Ladies, cut this out and com- mit it to memory. It may come useful when a gentleman offers you his seat ina horse car.—New Haven News. Jeff Davis took to petticoats and Herr Most went under a woman's bed to escape arrest. Both these great advocates of lost causes were unsuc- cessful.— Yonkers Gazette. The queen is so much pleased with Tennyson’ latest ode that she has learned to whistle it while | cooking the family victuals over the kitchen stove in the morning.—Chicago News. Samuel Flower has been confirmed by the sen- ate as assistant treasurer at New Orleans. Sai | uel is one of the Flowers that—zip!. Who threw that brick ?—Pittsburg Chronicle. It is a bad idea to make one enemy in order to secure two friends, for, long after the friends have forgotten you, the enemy holds you in active recollection.—Arkansaw Traveller. To our impassioned plea for a circus the Bos- ton Globe responds, ‘* You can have Mr. Downs ;" which is a great deal like asking for bread and being tendered a bad egg.—Buffalo Express. The Knights of Labor are about to boycott Lew Wilkes because he sleeps with his mouth open. |to double | band, Je_as_ many heroes as | i 44 the early-closing movement.—Indianapolis Her- ald-Journal. The man with a name ending in “ski” had bet- ter look out for the police. In these times of socialism, riot and dynamite, the policeman’s club, like the magnetic needle, turns naturally to the Pole.—Chicago Times, The barbers are on a strike in Cincinnati, and the five-cent shops are to be boycotted. Here in Detroit there would be no objection to giving the barbers ten hours’ pay for only five hours’ talk.— Detroit Free Press. A Detroit paper is considerably exercised to find out the difference between bock beer and or- dinary beer. This ought to be simple enough for anyone to solve. One is bock and the other isn’t. —Rochester Post-Express, If they indulge in many more terrific tornadods in the brisk and breezy west Horace Greeley's famous admonition will have to be modified ‘to “Go west, young man, and blow up with the ‘Somerville Journal, Speculators on the lookout for paying projects in the amusement line would do well to consider the idea of inducing Jeff Davis and Martin Irens ams as lecturers on the two lost causes.—St, Louis Globe-Democrat, A Philadelphia gentleman, after being shown about the city yesterday by a citizen of the hub, said to his chaperone, “ Boston isn't laid out so well as Philadelphia,” “+ No,” replied the latter, “but it will be when it is as dead.""—Boston Post. The red flag which now waves over the anar- chist boom in this country is the bloody banner of the auctioneer. A job lot is to be closed out cheap. Sale imperative. Offers are solicited from the effete monarchies. No offer declined.— Buffalo Express. That great Philadelphia industry—glass-eating —which was first started here by our esteemed fellow citizen, Bill Jones, has spread over the country with such fashionable rapidity that ready in towns like Boston and Chicago a 1 who cannot swallow his wine glasses is not a d tinguished guest at swell dinners,—Philadelphia News. “Ah, me,” she said yesterday, after arriving at home from church, “I'm afraid most of the ‘omen at church this morning heard but little of the sermon.” “Why not?" inquired her hus * Because most of them spent the entire time looking at the clothes worn by oth women.” “How do you know they did that Why I kept my eyes on them all’ through the services.” She wondered why her husband laughed.—Piltsburg Dispatch. An art journal says that to construct a good monogram: the last letter should be the largest and boldest, and the first letter next in size, but lighter than the middle letter. We always sup- posed, from the contour of the thing, that the se- d monogram consisted in the inabil- nine whether it was ‘8. P. W." or Q. Vv. and the more one letter couldn't be inguished from another the more successful it was.—Norristown Herald. NO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER. gh He—* Yes, gentlemen, I am areformed man * Lapy—* Great goodness! what could he have looked like before?” \ They say he is too persistent in his opposition to comicbooks.com