Judge — May 22, 1886 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE. 7 ONLY A BROTHER. Ah! why is this? My bedroom never Looked 80 neat before. There’s not a spot upon the wall Or scrap upon the floor ! ‘There's water in the pitcher, too !! And soap within the dish!!! And counterpane upon the bed !!!! What more could mortal wish? I never had two towels before— Both clean, I do declare ! Three weeks have passed since last I saw A single wiper there ! And why are these things thus and 80? I sleep to-night with sister’s beau ! 9:20 P.M. I've just returned from church, Alas, What ruin has been wrought! Have all my hopes of better days Been cherished but for naught ? No counterpane adorns the bed, No towel upon the door ; No soap within the little dish, While papers strew the floor ! The snowy pillow-case that shone In all its beauty bright Is folded on the closet shelf— The old one's back to-night! And why are these things thus and 80? He did not stay—my sister's beau ! E, FRANK LINTABER, MORE TRUTH THAN POETRY. Lives of bank clerks all remind us We can make our lives all crime; And, departing, leave behind us Not a solitary dime. The Intermission. Daisy Miller, they say, turns up her nose at “The Bostonians.” The women who are always clamoring for recognition should discard veils. A hint to the revenue reformers—Repeal the tax on spirits and give the ghosts a chance. Though whisky comes to us still-born, it sue- ceeds in making a good deal of noise in the world. Aman should think twice before he plucks up courage. He may need it all before he gets out of the woods. It might serve as an excellent eye-opener for ar Rees speaking to Uncle George about.” Moruer—** What men, Charley?” CHaRL Mr. James if he should find himself heartily damned by some thoroughly profane reviewer who would have the kindness to omit the faint praise. General Sherman, though nearing the three score and ten, has still a vigorous hold on life. It may be the fear of an attempt to perpetrate a monument on him which makes the grim old warrior tighten his gi The verdict, we believe, is that “The Bos- tonians” has all the dullness of respectability and all the respectability of dullness; yet there be certain Jacobites who grow] out against a verdict so flattering to the Hub. A southwestern newspaper assures us that “if you should cut Texas in strips an inch wide it would reach from here to Jupiter.” Still the scheme appears rather risky, The chances are that Jupiter would object to any ‘Texas on any terms. “ Pious Parent” anxiously inquires how can he “prevent his boys from acquiring the per- nicious habit of smokirfy.” Tell them in sea- son and out of season how Abraham and David and Washington, Dan Webster, Ben Franklin, Moody and Sankey were hoggish smokers—a pound pack of Durham a day—and how Cap- tain Kidd and Buffalo Bill and Judas Iscariot and the whole gang of pirates and cowboys could never be persuaded by their indulgent parents to touch a pipe—tell them this, and your boys will see you in the old version be- LITTLE PITCHERS HAVE BIG EARS. fore you can force them to touch a pipe. Morier—“ Charley, where is your father going?” Cuantey—“ Oh, Idon't know; but [think he is going down town to see some men he was “Oh, Bob Flush, Jack Pot and Pat Hand.” Bap boy (crawling grandmother's lap and pretending to cry)—' Oh, grandma, I saw something yesterday that I will never see again.” GRANDMOTHER (terrified)—‘‘My poor little dear, what was it?” Bap Boy (looking impudent)—“ Yesterday, grandma.” BLOOD WILL TELL. “Saay, Chawles, I cawn't imagine what makes you like that De Smith so well.” “Oh, he'sall right.” “Maybe so; but then he’s ‘ardly up to our style, don’t chew know?” “Berhaps you're right. Come to think of it, the only thing aristocratic about him is the pimples.” comicbooks.com