Judge, 1885-12-12 · page 6 of 16
Judge — December 12, 1885 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
## Main Cartoons: "Wall Street in 1583" vs. "Wall Street in 1885" The two side-by-side illustrations compare Wall Street across three centuries. The 1583 figure appears to be a prospector or vagrant in ragged clothes; the 1885 figure is a well-dressed gentleman in top hat and coat, suggesting Wall Street's transformation from rough frontier to refined financial center—though likely with satirical intent about the pretense of that refinement. ## "Umbrella Verbosity" Essay This humorous article assigns social meanings to umbrella-handling—a British preoccupation with class signaling. It mocks how people's umbrella behavior supposedly reveals character: carrying it defiantly means ambition; forgetting it suggests foolishness; demanding its return indicates "imbecility." The satire targets Victorian-era social anxiety about what minor behaviors communicate about one's standing. The remaining sections ("Forty Rod," "Hints for Emergencies") appear to be separate humorous pieces about frontier life and accident management, unrelated to the main satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE JUDGE. Umbrella Verbosity. side your overcoat means, “ A | questi ng and I'll tell you no 1 | ‘To use an umbrella as ae. arishing, point is made of the fact that | stamping and thrusting it defiantly, means, ure so honest that you can e | Lam on deck; possession is nine points of ound Joose and ‘find it there | law.”” again, ‘There isa popular superstition in| ‘To wave an umbrella frantically means, Norway that an umbrella brings bad Iuck— p your durned old car.” that’s ‘the expplanation It is getting s Iftwo infuriated persons approach each on with an umbrella is a | other flourishing umbrellas it means a- sur own name is on the | ptir-o'-shoots. 1 such signs fail in dry | ‘lo set your umbrella in the hall and turn your back means that you are a unbounded trust in human carry to it during the whole sermon means that | you are a Baptist and are afraid of sprink- by the way, a language of um- ns well as of flowers and pocket-hand- kerchiefs. ‘To carry an umbrella close-reefed and in- sk me no wet umbrella into church and hang | jing. A cane | drowning held above the head in a ain is a sign of absent-mindness; | but to hurry out of a gathering on a rainy day sous to be the first to go, indicates ce and worldly wisdom. T'o accuse another of taking your um- brella shows ignorance of the ways of the world; todemand its return indicates im- becility. Aman in | seems to a rain without an umbrella * Ab, ever thus since childhvod’s hour I've seen my fondest hopes decay. T never owned a silk umbrel’ But it was spirited away.” Hints for Emergencies. “Forty Rod.” | In a new mining camp it is so pressingly necessary that there should be a ‘doggery ” | When you meet with a serious accident, in running order as soon as possible’ that | meet hini with your most fascinating smile. almost any contrivance r a shelter | Joke him; him on the back. Some of answers the purpose. these serions accidents are really jolly fel- Gne day in ‘73, passing along We: Bat if he really is what nut street, then Leadville’s chief thorough- 8, there is nothing for it but to go for fare, I chanced to encounter a tent upon which of the two will come out whose flapping walls was daubed in letters a uppermost. Remember, though, there is foot high, the word, Saloon.” Suddenly | nothing wrong, per se, in an accident being the singular spectacle of a man with hisarms | #8 serious as a dancing bear, or 4 circus extended helplessly above his h clown, shot to death, falling through the When the devouring clement breaks loose, of the improvised gin-mill to the ground | how to stay its ravages? That depends on outside attracted my attention. Seeing that | which of the devouring elements slips the something should be done, I seized a pail of | collar. If it be the healthy schoolboy come water, which fortunately happened to be | home on his first vacation, half measures resting on the rough board bar of the con- | Won’t answer. Make him sick the very first cern—though for what probable purpose no | day on the worst the market affords: If one seemed to be the wiser—and dashed it in | the devouring element comes in the form of the face of the prostrate form lying without; g-fasted mule, satiate with pub. doca, whereupon he almost immediately revived | and the platforms of ’84. If grasshoppers, and ina dazed manner looked piteously about, | hand over to the Bureau of Agriculture. staggered to his feet, remarking, as he reeled | Last time the hopper broke out in Kansaz away ‘0 help me God! I never took but | he liked the entertainment well enough till two drinks of it!” the learned Commissioner threatened him ASH. SPALDING. with a treatise on entomology. WALL STREE Is it an Epidemic to Greatness ? Fiust Tramp—* By gosh! how the great men are dying off! Grant, MeClellan, King Alphonso, Senator Sharon, Hen- dricks. Srconp Tramp—* Yes, It makes a fel- el a little skeery, don’t you think inst T.—*’S so. No telling when our time ‘Il come. Le’s see "f this old chap | hasn’t sympathy enough with us to lend us a quarter,” Second-hand Swearing. By the law of equation of forces the mere brute force a man has the less he is able to argue his way to results. Give a man mus- cle, money orthe arm of the law, and he will generally swear at opposition, One of the Pinkertons employed by corporations to “spot” strikers has summed up the whole | rationale of his position in the words: “The | Labor Union be d——d!” Some swearers | have at least intellect enough to be original, bat Pinkerton has stolen his cursing from Vanderbilt's ‘‘ The public be d——d.” comicbooks.com