Judge, 1885-12-12 · page 3 of 16
Judge — December 12, 1885 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains a sentimental story by a German-dialect character (the celebrated "German Policeman" — a recurring Judge figure known for philosophical humor). The narrative describes how the narrator's daughter Hilda was struck by a carriage, rescued by two men who brought her to a toy store, then recovered by a Salvation Army worker. The satire operates on multiple levels: it gently mocks the German policeman's heavy accent and malapropisms while unexpectedly introducing genuine pathos—the subtitle promises "a little Pathos now and then is relished." The humor undercuts sentimentality; the Salvation Army worker initially appears mercenary, demanding payment, before being shamed into decency. The accompanying illustration shows the policeman entertaining an audience. The piece satirizes both ethnic stereotypes and the Salvation Army's reputation for aggressive fundraising, while ultimately celebrating unexpected human compassion.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE JUDGE, “WHAT HAPPENED TO HILDA. The German Policeman Ventures on New Ground—a Little Pathos now and then is relished, etc. By Jalan Ralpd, Autbor of th An admirer of the German Policeman took a singular liberty | uf lumber is on dop uf her.’ Crate Moses! I chumped der shdairs with him the other day. Knowing that the light-hearted philoso- | down und vos choost in dime to sce two men carrying dot shild— pher in dislocated Dutch was to attend acertain social gathering, eless—into a toy shtore. Dem lait her on der connder, this friend made a wager that the Policeman could make the ladies her head py a pox uf dolls vich she vos choost safing her bennies.to both laugh and ery inside of two minutes, ‘Phe wager was ac- | buy von uf, her nacrate pig chumping cl vich she hat cepted, thouga, of course, the Po an knew nothing of it, 1 bromised me T should for her cousin y at the party the young man won the money by getting the “Tn sd der beeples—vorkingme: ers, laties und to tell a which that worthy usually reserves for his friends, | shildren r shild against. “Vot,” s ot “you Vont to know apowd vot Ol al’ TD ser “vhy ton’d you look? Vhy ton’d habbened to my daughter Hilda? “Oh, dot’s asad story—vy should | you shbed Aind y amed, shearing your boor olt ve gry vhen ve can choost as vell lau farder?? ut s never shtirred, She vos vhite und shtill. “Oh, vhat heabs uf fan [got mit Hilda. Ve vere like a gub- | Choost apowd dot dime comes bressing in a fat vooman mit a red ble uf blaymates t 5 rememper von dime [ vos in der | bandage her hat arount—von uf d ation Army vimmen, sdreet und she e-a-back on my shoulders. Some “TD neffer did hs » uses for dot Salvation Army. beeples shtared at me say: ‘dot’s a bretty sdate uf) ‘Ish dot yours?’ she squeaked, bointing to Hilda; vich effery- din I only langhed. 1 peen lucky fellers,’ I sayt, * to get | poddy doug Dn Iretty. a beep at my Hilda—dot’s bedder as a gromo.” {Sher .’ Lsayt; “but she ton’d seem to pelong to I used to dake dot y knees bedween try to | anypodily in bartickler choost now.’ sheare her py delling her uf some young man vich surely vould “I gue vos dead,’ dot vooman squeaked, gwite gon- carry her olf und marry her—mayp y Dutchman or a. te “vel, edder so—pedder shmard Yankee feller,‘ Aind you shame y to her; "| a house afir Pedder so!’ I sgreamed, ‘to peen gi to shake your boor olt farder choost for some young "Tso you got some decency from dot Biple deachings vich chackanapes vich stuffs your ear mit luffer’s taify und your mout | s grace mit your nicker minsdrel religion. Pedder so you got mit chenuine candy till you dink yourselluf so sliveet all you got to | righd avay efore I drow you der vinder owd—but no; you are done is choost to meld in dot s essed in imidation uf ; 11 cannot sdrike you. “© Papa,’ Hilda used to say; ‘if dot feller comes I vill. pounce “7 dell you vot,’ I sayt, * blease send arount der Chencral him, sure.” nf dot army und half a dozen Colonels und Captains till [knock “ «Oh, nol’? say: ‘it’s der olt farder vot vill get der pounce. into dem choost a leetle uf dot decency und Ghristianity vhich der und dot’s all righd. "Dot's me vot your mutter done py her | Si m Army shtands so much in neet uf. olt farder und I did not vos ma he a 1, Hilda didn’t die tu Ionow. Und as “Vell, von day Iam in der house und [hear her sgream, une » goes to school, svinging he 3 her beeping der dere comes rushing in a neighper man und says: * A minnit ago, | sites uf her eyes ont to get der first glimbse uf dot young feller vich Hilda vos blaying der top uf'a heab uf lumber und now der bile | is to ran mit her avi A CELEBRATED FLIRT who has wounded {| Tie Water-nery watch is popular in| Owners or Papers with patent insides many male hearts calls her art ‘studies | Kentucky. ‘They think it means the wake |do not seem to be any better livers than in bit-you-men.” of that beverags newspaper men are. Tue worst “leaks in the kitchen” are Canon Farrar pronounced Boston “the | Tire custom of ringing the church bells those through which the family secrets get | Athens of America.” If he didn’t pro- | whenever a villager dies passes away as out. But it is sometimes difficult to hus- | nounce it better than his usual delivery is, it |soon as the place gets large and free band such matters. is a questionable compliment. enough to abolish the tolls. comicbooks.com