Judge — December 12, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

—— THE JUDGE, No Marsupials. What is nceded to boost the cause of re- form isa new style of legislator—men who can neither see, hear nor feel a lobbyst, and who are not marsupial. We have too many Pull. Maxacer—* No, I don’t want to try experiments with unknown “1 can fill the seats. ‘Try “Of course, they all claim popu- hentelle, | ete. What ean you raw, T tell you. I've been ron Coney Island pure of these Brighton Be- and see if you are up to that sort of th offers were declined. ‘T subsequently learned that the fellow’s dra- imatic training was limited to playing the routs within,” and “dead bodies Hide, and Seek It. ** Soe here, Jake,” said a facetious Alba- County farmer to his” simple-min Jed ed man who had driven ito the eity with just ran in beef-hide, will you? Kk about it as you can.” ignated was an ultra-f shop; but the unsnes Jake flung the hic his shoulder an¢ marched boldly in. terward he returned; and the joker, gleefully rubbing his hands in anticipation of the laugh to fol- low, demand result, “Well, ye a ed Jake, “there want noboly to home but the wimmen folks, and they was so busy a gobblerin all to once new jocky hat's they'd got that they didn’t pay no attention tome; so I jes thrown the hide down on the floor and told ‘om you'd come in for the pay some time when the folks was around,” Our Relations. y man should visit some of his rela- tions about once This gives a fi to recall old times when perhaps you @ Mr. Bob Shorty’s melons and apples and ended by courting his gal who married another feller, of course. It also giyes a big opportunity to mention in brief the cussed- ness of some of our r ions and friends, who, if they had their due would not be considered with as much favor by people generally as they now are. By the way, our relations are not such a bad sort as might be supposed. ‘They generally have most of our | faults with few of our virtues, which is to| retted but cannot be helped. Your wife’s relations you will’ naturally take kindly to and think them just too sweet for anything, especially her good-look- i ister, Her mother you will adore, of conrse, and dutifully follow her ady in everything give thanks as in duty A relative is one who expects a great deal of you who is a better friend than anyone else, and who is a real nice person. Briefs Submitted. should be great on the stump. ‘The more checks an author receives the better he gets along. A good punch in the bowl is better than | two anywhere else. s room for improvement,” as the when he dived into the se as now set in for the adl-eagle flourish is all the s the bow-legged man gets Vindication. (to his counsel)—** See here, wspapers are publishing more rev- I want you to begin libel pro- all of them with half a and make ‘em prove it Have they got on to the—you know?” fity ‘warm.’ -** Arrest some more dict two or three more heads of ments, Start the ery of ‘stop thief * What ones? Any of ‘em, You can’t go amiss of hitting a thief. This will give vou eclat asa reformer and furnish the hounds of the press another scent toopen upon, — As long vkcep them after little thieves you FAMILIART Citizen —* There. 7 | doesn't want to deir self-respeck. “dressed in dat familious like | dently ac Fooling with Edged Tools. fair between you und old boy?” * Yes; she turned out to be a coquette, and I thought it better to saw the thing off before it went any farther.” * Oh, that’s it? ~ However, you'd better lovk out for her, because wow she's slighted she’s more dangerous than ev “How do you mak “Why, don’t you se lass?” she ig now a cut- Step-Mother English. As I was travelling toward Cheyenne, two strangers got inte my car and took ‘seats just in front of me. One of them was evi- the other a miner. * Are 3 * to town on busine: asked the cler nof the miner, presently. “Well, not exactly on business,” replied the miner. * I’m going to Ulow in a little said the clergyman. “ Our are the sam ” said the miner, poking the in the ribs. ‘You're a sly wre arum un.” said the clergyman. severely. ‘I cannot under Iam going to bury my only child. you so many children or relatives that the loss of one seems to you a je i your child!” cried the miner * Rustle my grinders, I thought you meant that you were going to gamble, to blow dust into a faro-bank.” faro-bank!” cried the clergy- ath, Ts that) what in dust. 1 thought s striking, but Thad no idea it was criminal.” And he rose and took a seat beside me. WILLIAM WASHBURN, tit makes the voting business square and yorwre a five dillar M—Took, a yere, Mister Merandah, de William is kairreck ; but dis fellah citi mannah. — Bullahd wotahs inust preserb comicbooks.com