Judge — December 5, 1885 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. HE EVOLUTION OF THE DUDE. Edmund Russell, the lecture ifth Ave and wonderin they and tH see-saw down the street with elbows pro jected from their sides when they walk. His study of Delsarte has given him “points,” and he accounts for the phe- nomenon in this fashion, ‘The elbow is, Delsarte, the ther- mometer of individtality, and the strong io pr und = more assertive is that individus the ire will the elbow proj hus, fishwives and the slatterns of tene- ments put their arms akimbo when they engage in verlal wrangles, in ( order to give their elbows as sharpan angle as possible. Jockeys are small, vulgar and self-important. In order to. make the most of themselves they stick out their elbows, as if they were holding the reins, and walk with a swagger, The English are a racing people. en the best classes effect a rough, arse dress and go in thousands to the race track. They are thrown into contact with these jockeys, are interested in them, and u ious: fect their horsey airs and brag- on according to When American dude finds an English- man — thrusting out his elbows as he walks the streets he does not inquire why he does it, for whatever is Er lish ght, s the poor little thing puts him- self on exhibition as an it one remove dis. tant—of an illit- erate stable boy, the The akimbo of the dudess is probably the result of the law of heredity; the survival of the wash- woman and fish-monger in her ancestry, perhaps not far-removed. But the evolution of the dude species goes back of the fishwoman in her unintelligent imitative. ness the woman of fashion clearly shows the survival of monkey natures. Mr, Russell gives many curious illustrations of this ape characteristic in the blind imitation of our fashiona- ble women, ma bummer once lit ond whiskey, old whi And I ssid te bi nsonbeak, why do you sit, ing * Whiskey, good whiskey, old whiskey Is it want of the needful,” [humanely cried Or w hard-hearted wretch With a woe-laden sigh the benzine hind the counter ine ask replied “Oh, whiskey, good whiskey, old whiskey ‘Then he grabbed at his th Moaning “Whiskey, good whi cold water Lbs at and rolled up his eyes, key, old whiskey Lin the guise old whis whiskey whiskey He tasted it For the willow y softly Oh, whiskey, good w cross his cold grave, key, old whiskey * teem Cinderella. iy the kitchen door, on the shady side of the goose-berry bush, the grasshopper lifted up : of droning monotone, while within a tortoise-shell tabby reveried of musk-melon and Tommy and alazy fly protested customary 1,000 flops of the wing per second, © wonder Cinderella grew sleepy over her potatoes. Cinder- ella who excelled in the kitehen-arts and had two secret sorrows! Cinderella excelled in many arts, but potato-paring was the one upon which she bent her energies—into which she threw her soul. Like the delicate s! ig from the k-plane—fit to be-ribbon a damsel’s hair—were the potatoe-parings of Cinderel Ilow artis- tically they curled over her skilifal hand! How. delightedly she watched them form into quaint letters and fantastic shapes! ~ ‘The Lady of Shalott never wove so many dreams into her magic web as Cinderella entwined w the ral strands beneath her paring- knife; and had it not been for her secret. sorrows she might have been happy; they haunted her night and day: sitting with her in the kitchen; walking with her up and down the. village street: they laid down with her at night and rose with her at morning. But at this particular moment she was forgiving and forgetting succumbing to the Mesmeric passes of the drowsy ew heavier and heavier; the parings grew thick- he cut off great slices of idering unconditionally, her chin. rested Jupon the floor, The fly, with addicted to, lit on the under side of Cinderella’s nose; but it had no sooner commenced to twist its than Cinderella gave a snort that carried it off its feet J it against the floor with the resistlessness of an Iowa The fly felt dazed and mad; it promptly procceded, how- ein Ciderella’s ear. Cinderella, unconscious of of lopping off her own car than that of the fly i the paring-knife with bloodthirsty menace. The indis- pensible seavenger only buzzed in demonish glee and evaded every thrust. Cinderella resolved, at any cost, insecticide: dis- pensing with the eyes of dream, and half ng the sleepiest one, ehe executed § ke half cire cut off her left auricle! Cinderella wakened with a screech that Gabriel himself, had he been on the , would have ken a note of. She awakened several things beside herself. ‘The tabby jumped for the nearest € and smashed every fragile thing in her path; a gos- sipping milk-pitcher, in frantic. haste to regain the accustomed shelf, fell on the hearth and was broken into many pieces; the sleepers beneath the floors groaned and creaked; and the echoes, ghostly from the pallor of long sleep, tottered forth like proces- on of Rip Van Winkleian sounds which querulously wavered about the wild and wide-cyed Cinderella. But the tly escaped non- chalantly and unhurt, and the secret. sorrows remained intact. ‘That artisan who 1s so closely connected with the mundane affairs of all y »s was glad of that; he charged for shoes ording to their dimensions, and one pair for Cinderella was more renumer ive than three for any other maiden in the village. In this fact y Cinderella's great sorrows; she knew so well how hopeless contradicted the tradition of her name; she was ious, with th consciousness that knows no surcease, of possessing the two biggest feet in the town, No person or prince was equal to the f of her shoe bill; and Cinderella sadly realized that’ her maidenhood was due to the fa votatoe, and at las in her bib and the potate the nice precision that moustache and bump cyclone. ever, to buzz de the greater dan; upon ope comicbooks.com