Judge, 1885-12-05 · page 15 of 16
Judge — December 5, 1885 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily **advertising**—it contains numerous commercial notices for printing services, binderies, lithographic inks, frames, and other trade businesses (Franklin Square Lithographic Co., George Mather's Sons, etc.). However, it does include two short **satirical pieces**: 1. **"The United Service"** (top left): A story about two theater critics debating whether playwrights should "preserve their unities" (a classical dramatic principle). When one critic harshly tells a young female playwright her work violates these unities, her brother beats him up. The satire mocks pedantic criticism and critics who hide behind rules while lacking human empathy. 2. **"Just As Represented"** (bottom right): A comic anecdote about a man (Messmener) who buys what he thinks is a horse blanket at auction, only to discover it's a woman's dressing gown infested with vermin. The joke satirizes auction fraud and the phrase "sold as represented." Both pieces are light, humorous takes on everyday deception and pretension—typical of Judge magazine's satirical approach.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE | UNITED Pure f Monthy, Sagozin Heveted ts the interrate of te eit Service, beth SLY, Publisher, | 835 Broadway, New York. fat | NEAT AND ELEGANT BOOK BINDING. | cde mnexe 'ON EXHIMITIOS, ND A LAPAYETTE GEORGE MATHER'S SONS, 60 JOHN STREET, N.Y. PRINTING INKS. ESTAB: D 1816. This Paper is Printed With Our Inks. CK | FREDERICK KAPPLER, | ORNAMENTAL GOLD FRAMES CRANONS AND OIL PORTRAITS. PEARL STREE W ORK ™* AULT & WIBORG, FIVE BLACK AND LITHOGRAPHIC INKS, RINTING INKS AND VARNISHES. 26 Rose ST ORED jpnatt, Ota A hy the Strobietiie LA | 3lack and Colored Type and Lithographic | THE JUDGE. | ness, and have learned to. preserve my uni- ties, and they go. off resolved to preserve theirs in the future, 1 think if you will adopt my plan, and use the crade: talk to Your customers about preserving | their unities, it’ will save you a heap of trouble. ‘The two editors separated, seen cach other until last we dige and and had not » When they met in the rotundaof a Chicago hotel, At first the one who had been advised about would not speak to the ked) what ly rel Tail ajdt ie tions, k up their and what was the cause of th the troubled said: | your advic n sorry ove editor for it. A young woman came to my office about ten zo with « play which she wanted me Ikeptit a week, and when she back [said just what you told me. I 3 your unity is not preserved, Itis crude, the worst kind. There is nothing more saddening in this world than to see a girl, endowed by nature with beauty crude effort, and not , my od, why did you not preserve your unities, girl, in- 1 of frittering them away in this crude ? There are grea y girl who has talent for literature, but if ‘t got the strength of character, it were, to maintain her unities, settles it?” “Well, you idiot, what did she say?” asked the other editor, looking at the bla maintain her unities, f What could just snatched the manuscript, called mean old ol, and went ou In about an hour her brother came in and said e understood I had been lying about his | sister's play, and calling her names, and be- fore I could explain he hit me on the eye, | and took me by the collar and mopped the | floor with me. ‘That settles it with me. I | shall read no more plays, and you can have our crude unities back, have no farther use for them.” And the two play critics went into the hotel saloon and opened a small bottle. —[ Milwaukee Sun, JUST AS REPRESENTED. | Mesmener brought home a_ bundle. “Here, Ferguson, put this on the gig, it's u buggy robe I bought at the auction.” Ferguson came back with the ate ting in- formation, “That it wouldn’t fit, wasn’t oie enough, and that it had sleeves in it.” ener unfolded it at full length. aid Nifty’s friend, ‘It’s a dres- sing gown, a robe de chambre, "They thought they were selling me an old horse bla anket, but I’ve got the bulge on them,” he cried triump! antly as he put it on and felt in the pockets, But he soon felt something else that in- duced him not only to discard the robe, but | to change all his garment He wasn’t in- jured beyond a few scratches, but he had erguson wrap up the lively garment, whic was then tied to the farthest end of his and held at an awkward distance as he dro’ I'll teach him to misrepre- sent goods,” he muttered. After an animated dis: tioncer, when he had he sion, the auc- Mesmener’s ex- | perience, was all smiles but no apology, al- though the old man was itching for a fight. Bat what could he ‘The auctioneer | clearly demonstrated that it was just as he had represented, a buggy robe. {Merchant Traveler. t possibilities for | Franklin Square Lithographic Co ——STEAM LITHOGRAPHIC PRINTERS: —— FINE COLOR WORK AS IALTY. PHOTO-L DUCTIONS. CRE mates Carefully Prepared 324, 326 and 328 Pearl St., —NEW YORK.— J thank Inve tart “ HAY-FEVER Price 2 centa, hy NEW YORK ELAS- TIC TRUSS CO., TAA Broadway, New York. And Kept in ee Free of Charge. HoraceWaters&Co. 124 Fifth Ave., Bene 18th 8t.. CANDY: Address, y YORE. Mfectloner Bt, Chicago. PEREECTION MAGIC LANTERNS. LATEST IMIROVEMENTS, IN YOUR. aM IR. REST QUALITY TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD aud 8 n for to stay mk adapt th nw EMANCE HART er PILES! PILES! PILES!!! Cured without Knife. Powder or Salve No dl. Write for reference » Tayton’s Hore, densey Cer, comicbooks.com