Judge — November 7, 1885 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. BOOK BINDING. AND LAPAYETTE BRANCH 14 Dey Street, N. ¥. BUY YOUR 0 THEUNITED sharchollers and & WH HOME! TATES BUILDING CO. New York. Viee-Prest and Treas, See. and Gen't M GEORGE MATHER'S 60 JOHN STREET, N. MASUVACTURERS OF Black and Colored Type and Lithograpiiic PRINTINC E This Paper is Printed W h Our Inks. WEAK AN is nothing that does a sensitive man more good when he finds all the proceeds of years of hard labor swept away, than to receive expressions of condolence When his babes romp barefoot before him, their toes ro with the nipping fre nd his wife in t faded calico dress which she has been wear- ing four years until business would brighten up and enable her to go to bed early in the evening stead of remaining up until mid- night to wash his only shirt, comes to him | with a sad smile and inquiries whether they will have roast turkey and cranberry sauce or plain mush for dinner, nothing ean be more soothing than to range them all around the family altar and read a lot of resolutions | of condolence to them. It also a great satis- faction to the editor to know that he pub- lished a magnificent paper, and letters from parties whose names were never on his sub- scription books, assuring him of that fact, cannot fail to make him feel opulent and happy. Unlike Mr. Wakeman, of the Cur- rent, I shall neither ery, suicide or go mad. I purpose getting a new mainspring in my backbone and having myself nickel-plated afresh, and will go right on writing humor ous matter that will serve as a universal emetic. I owe the world a deep, bloody and terrible revenge, and that is the way I shall get it. Iam open to an en, religious column in any first- or sporting newspaper that can put up hard cash every Saturday evening, and Tean fur- | nish as good recommendations as any man in Ameri I wrote them myself, and if these are not enough, I can write some more on short not “inally, irties having bills against the Through Mail Magazine will please present them to the sheriff, whom we have secured at great expense to act as funeral director. | He is very obliging and will take great pleas- ure in showing them just how much they will be unable to get by the time the costs are paid. Ile is as cheerful and attentive in his capacity of business manager as the most fastidious creditor could desire, and scarcely aday passes but what he officially notifies me that arrangements for receiving me at court have been perfected. he editorial club moulders in the hell-box, and the fight- ing editor can be found peacefally nursing his twin off-spring, while his wife goes to the theatre with her rich uncle, I hope that no one will have the unkindness to intimate that I have grown rich by this failure. Sach a declaration would be likely to startle my neighbors, who support me, and give them the hysterics. ‘* Truth crushed to earth—” But no matter—I can bear it. MOW THEY DRESS. Mr. Keenwit was the husband of a vei fashionable and d wife, and on one o casion he was talking with an acquaintance at a swell reception, about the womens’ clothes. « Plenty of elegant looking women here to-night,” ventured the stranger. “Yes,” said Mr, K, blandly, “ Married?” queried the stranger. “ Yes; my wife’s here to-night.” “I’m married, too, but my wife seldom goes out. She doesn’t care much for dress. Does yours? ” “Well,” said Mr. K. with some_hesita- tion, “I don’t really know whether she cares much for dress, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t care for much dress. There she comes now.” Mrs. K. swept by, and the stranger changed the conversation. {Merchant Traveler. agement for a 88 humorous Franklin Square Lithographic CO, —STEAM LITHOGRAPHIC PRINTERS: —— GRAPHIC RE PHoTO-L Estimates ¢ 324, 326 and 328 Pear! St, — NEW vorkK.— THE UNITED SERVICE tal to th Interests of the realing 1a ita pages. M: ‘patie and T. MW. 8. HAMERSL 835 Bi For Advertising Publ Publisher, ay, New York. tes apply to the her oe % ya was cured derful bow quick It 7 Madison Bt, Chi PEREECTION MAGIC LANTERNS. BEST QUALITY, LATEST IMVROVEMESTS TRAVEL AROUND THE WORLD IN YOUR CHAIR, ‘Thete Com Work ely ct Porm and Ace 4" artlew ay be wel for EMANUEL 18, MART, SPF. and Dealer 1S FIPTIL AVENUE, New York. until cured. Write for referem » Tayton’s Hore! Sense comicbooks.com