Judge — November 7, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Boarvine novse KEEPER—* Oh, dollars per week, no if you please.” Our Little Folk’s Post-Office. CONDUCTED BY AUNT JANE, My Dean Kips:—If you will 1 the overwhelming’ fecundity cerebral acumen the memory of the past season's giddy whirl, and listen with all your little minds, your auntie will tell you athing or two, In the first place you are abont to enter upon an era of champagne- oysters-pearl-powder-musical-soiree crush. In other words, you will be surrounded by the dizzy environments of the winter's grand, “Are you there Maudie, Lottie, Sadie. Mamie, Chawley us, Alger: non, Walli Il you bein the spring when the influenza and first rose- bud vie in holding down the poet's atten- tion? Maudie will have snared a foreign count; she will also have reaped the reward thereof. ottie will have blossomed into a flull-fledged Juliet—and her dear, doting papa’s weasel-skin will assume the appe ance of a singed goose. Sadie will have learned that it’s not all gold that radiates | when she learns that all Western Adonise don’t carry a silver mine in each vest pocket. Mamie—well, she'll get there, because there’s more ballast than cotton, more brains than powder to her make-up. Chawley will go to make up the ll compliment of the a,c, (absconding cashiers.) Augustus will have found his uppers long before the first robin hops the twig. Algernon will have graduated from the college as a flull-fledged bunco-steerer. As for Wallie—well, he'll get there with Mamie, because he had sand and nerve. Now, my dear kid: climinate of your fre . doesn’t the prospect look mighty feary? Can you afford to take the plunge? While you are thinking it over, let me give yon a few samples taken at random from my mail. If any of my little friends don’t find their letters among the following, th may write again. Light- | ning may str the and then in it | may not. Don’t forget to enclose stamps in | every case. I love to get your little letters | Mr. Jones not two pieces of pie at three with stamps. rural lassie rural felicity Here is a pretty letter froma Doesn’t it breathe the aroma of Peryunkville, Dean Aunt Jan Mamma says I've been such a good little girl that I may have a beau this winter, Now, I don’t’ know what kind of a beau I ought to have. Can't you please tell me? I'll abide by your de- cision, Here is my picture, You’ see my flowing. What is the character of ? Yours, LOTTIE Conn , Oct. 2, 1885, LONGSHORE, You sweet little wood-nymph, Ww hy do you come to me for advice beaux. 1 gave up that sort of thin never mind that, however. sume you'll not abide by my des ‘There's farmer’s son near by who is dead gone on But the sort of c| you girls prefer is tlieies ppy dry-goods clerk who don’t know the ditfe between the yearling heifer and the gentleman of the airy. Character of nose decidedly heavenly. ree 4, 1885. :—['m mashed on two The Th poor one I love madl. rich one is pa choice. I can’t live without the poor one. Pa says he don’t want to live unless | marry the rich one. Pa's credit don’t flut as wanst it ust to flut. GEORGIE G'LONG, Dean Aunt Jan girls. One's poor. Gronote:—Marry the rich girl by all means. Hide the bitter pangs of your grievesome disappointment under the piti- lees mask of a stern determination to do what’s the correct thing according to your set. Pretty soon your wife will get wind of your penchant for the poor girl. ‘The di- vorce court will release her. Fora continu- ation read your city papers. They prezeh moral leprosy and ‘shoot politics with the same mouth, Osh Oct, 5, 1885. Dean Aust JANE been up in| Manitoba trying to raise public opinion for Riel, Tean’tdo it, What's the next thing? SENATOR V Come down here and try your hand rais- garecl for Hill if you want to learn what uragement to the great unwashed is. San Francisco, Cal, Oct. 8, 1885. Aust Jasxe:—Pa's got a I’m loved by a bonanza king's son. Ma's got a Chinese chambermaid. There's flaw in my appetite. 1 love onions. Lucy. Dean L.vey:—If there's a flaw in your appetite, and onions will appease it—don't, A gold tine, a bonanza Salis a on-eyed mbertaid, Some folks want the planet- ery bodies. KEL, Getting the Returns, “What docs this mean?’ sternly de- manded Mrs. Drake, when Drake stole softly into the house just as the first str of light were frescoing the eastern ski “Been sitting up ut the tel ting for the e ke, putting his shoes on the table and a pin out of his foot. * And I've leen sitting up here all night in fall dress, waiting for your return,” * Well, Davenport's elected, anyhow.” And what of i “What of it? Ain’t that enot “If that’s the ea Why, the country’s safe, returned Mrs. Drake, with the cool air of one who is nailing a point, ‘I should advise you to go the coun- try the next time you stay out all night, for it won't be safe for you in these parts, let me tell you.” he MO A Fair Divide. “If you'd attend to business bet- we'd get along. I believe you're lazy, 's what I do.” Ile—** Well, if I am I was born so, and it’s not my fault. At least you must admit that I anvunselfish about sharing our joys and labors.” She—‘* Unselfish? ” He—* Yes. You take such like to do, and I take the rest. “Haven't you had rest enough? you better take something else now— walk?” said she, pointing trenchantly the door, Ile perambulated a block. Wife ter, th uties as you Hadn't THe CAaBLe MoTOR on the Second Aven- > racks a tension. CONSIDERABLE IMPORTANCE Was attached in the dairy countics to the ‘* butter record * of some of the candidates who had been in the legislature when the oleomargerine acts were up. ‘The cities do not take much in terest in this question, beyond applauding the raid on the goats in Shantytown, AN EXPERT TESTIFIED in the Anderson will case that the difference between a sano and an insane spiritualist is that while both are wrong, the one isand the other is not The cases of all our rich criminals prove this rule; they are al- ways insane and not liable to conv open to conviction, comicbooks.com