Judge — October 17, 1885 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Oh, yes, miss.” | ‘Ts she a cripple, sir?” | | “Notat all. Oh, no.” “Well then I think you had better buy the hose in pairs, sir, for if sho is built like most ladies, she probably has two—that is, | a pair of——” “Oh, yea,” Gus exclaimed in an agony of | shame. “I really didn’t know exactly how many—that is—I have no experience, you sce,” and desperately. ‘¢ You may put up| || six'pairs, miss.” “And what size, si Here was another difficulty. “I’m sure I don’t know,” Gus said help- lessly._‘ Can’t you help ine out, miss? ” “Well, if the lady is from St. Louis, you || ought to buy emall twenty-fours; if a Chicago lady, large twenties.” “Oh, no, she’s a New York lady.” “In that case number two and a half will be plenty large.” ‘ Gua had the goods wrapped up and paid | for them. “Oh, but see here,” he exclaimed after | we had turned to leave. ‘¢ 1 ought to bu something to hold these things up I sup- pose,” and addressing the young woman again, he as “Can you tell me, miss, where I can buy a pair of su these articles? ‘The over-tried saleswoman broke into a erical laugh. | I’m afraid you’ve made a bad break, | Gus,” I said as we turned away again. || “Probably ladies don’t support their— stockings with suspenders, and——” “T have it, boys,” Brown interrupted. “ Let’s usk the floor-walker where we can buy a pair of Honi-soit-qui-mali-pense. L. » LANG, OFF THE BENCH. 13} 2 A sacrep TRUST—a Dill of bibles on credit. A TRIAL Juror had a fit in Brooklyn. Glad it is not contageous. Witnesses and prisoners catch fits enough already. ‘THE RAILROAD ENCROACHMENTS in Cal- | ifornia have received a quict but decided check—a pacific slow-up, from the people. | Wirt smaxt-Pox and rebellion breaking | out and financial tourists from the States breaking in, itis hard lines for Canada. She’d better move into Europe. Crime 18 SAID TO RE on the decrease in England, but the namber of doctors is large- ly on the increase. No unmixed blessings anywhere! | NoTHING 80 PLAINLY MARKS the com- mercial, moral and intellectual decadence of the metropolis as its loss of the base-ball championship. It 1s COMPLAINED now that cheese-mak- ing is becoming over-crowded. The same was the trouble with cotton and hay-pres- sing last year, we believe. Cuicaco Boasts of being the largest cen- tor for theological study in the country. Good field for object lessons in original sin. jpenders to support theso— | “THE JUDGE. Notice there is no unorthodox theological seminary there. Couldn’t be hetorodox, you know, in the face of living examples. Futon Market seems like Botany-Bay, 80 many oystercized men are there. BARNUM HAS ADDED a newspaper libel suit to his freak collection. This prince of | in one feature that he cannot afford. A court MARRIED with great eclat and abandon on the fair ground near Syra- cuse, N.Y, It is hoped that having been married on fuir grounds, they may not be put out and divorced on foul. “* COMPARITIVE ENDURANCE of horses and men” is the subject of a scientific article. The showing is, of course, favorable to man; | aman wrote it. The contrast would be still greater between the endurance of horses | and that of women. A Diabolical Suggestion. A fiendish photographer suggests that the amateurs may utilize their kits this win- ter by taking through a small auger hole in- stantaneons views of the couple in the back- parlor in the different stages of the yum- | yum business, ‘The use of these incontro- vertible proofs in breach of promise suits is | apparent. It is thought also that the youn, | man who is ¢ took” would give a liberal | price to control the negatives. The utility of these views is varied and much more ap- arent than is that of the views of the pro- loundest philosopher. “That look doth pain me, dearest. Our parting is but for one brief day.” “Yes, mo heart would fain be content, ) but—” “What then, fair one?” “‘T fear me mother’s wrath. “The cause, angel of my existence? is at your call!” « Your paper collar’s busted, and mamma so suspicious!” Me life | caterers to curiosity has probably invested | | then dudes ought to make good peacema Briefs Submitted. wy dey, 208.78, If a “ soft answer turneth away wrath,” for their replies in conversation are always of a “mushy ” nature. When ye poct indicted a rhapsodic sonnet To his auburn. Jess gold loc Oh, he used bigger cuss.words than simply “dogone | it,” When ye newspaper printed it,“ patehed-up old | socks!" The man who buys a five-cent beer, | ‘Then wants thrown in with it a mere Twodbollar’s worth of nice free lunch,— Should sit right down and take a“ cheer,” And ask to have the hemisphere Fried, broiled and baked, for him to munch, A kin-dred feeling—that of two unruly boys who expect to be larruped by their par- | ents for some misdeed. | Why should the es great traveler? comes a ‘‘ Ne ine flea be termed a | i Because he sometimes be- foundland explorer.” ' IN THE BI ‘The breaker rolls in with a wicked design, And keels a girlbather righto’er on her spine; While she picks herself up—from the water to run, And remarks, “I've a surfeit of this kind of fun.” AN UNAPPRECIATED TRANSFORMATION AT 12 The stars now give lis ‘The moon it shines bright,— -And all the black night With new-born, day-like radiance quickens; "Tis lovely, no doubt, But it knocks right out | | That after-dark scout— , The nig. who fain would steal some chickens UNGRAMATI RUT SEASONABLE. The iceman hastes with his well-filled to To a kitchen-door in the rear; ‘The servant-maid whom he’s tried to ** mash,” Meets him there with a roguish leer. He begs a kiss—o'er the frigid lump, | But she says to him nay, thus-ly | ** How can you ask it, when well you know There's a coolness ‘twixt you and 11” j NEE EL FALL in ther ould woman's hand-washed goods.” CLOTHES. Bap Bor—“ A full line of fall clothes—a tumble in underwear—a cutting down | comicbooks.com