Judge — October 17, 1885 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SS SS STS} PETA ERNE Te SS ee Le See the paymaster.” “Well, but I mean, what'll she do ona good road, easy grade, and you cracking on | all the steam she can carry? “It can pull the train; what do you ex- pect it to do?” “Well, but how fast? ked the pas- senger. Schedule time,” came the reply; “that’s all we are allowed to make; must make our own time between all stations, That's im- perative orders on the I. B. & W. “Well, bu open, and—— ull who wide open?” Why, her—your engine; and give her sand, and——” “Why should I give it «To make her run faster. “ Sand does not increase the speed of an engin team is the only motive power.” * But you give her sand on aheavy grade, and— “Tnever give an engine sand, it is poured on the rail.” “Ob, you know what I mean; you give her steam and——” don’t; I only move the throttle lover which opens the regulator valve and the steam is forced to the proper portions of the machinery, in obedience to laws of physics. I have no control, beyond regula- ting the suppl "Did you ever,” said the despairing man, , that you had to me the reply, “and I It couldn't ie “don No i throw his engine clea rover, It thirty-five tor the passenger obstinately persisted, ‘* when you start out with a heavy train you hold her awfully close to the rails? “L've nothing to do with that, the laws of gravitation and friction control that. My weight on the engine adds somewhat tot r ure on the rail, but that amounts to ittle in comparison with the weight of the engine.” The passenger wiped the perspiration off his brow and : ‘* How do you like life on the foot-board, anyhow?” “T live at home and not on foot-boards, as the reply. Well, how do you like running on the road, then?” “T don’t run, I ride.” Just then the conductor came and handed the man in the eab a bit of yellow paper and board.” he passenger, looking grateful, said hank Heaven’ as he went into the last car, as far back from the engine as he could get; then I heard the engineer growling about people who ‘always want to talk shop.” It was a narrow escape for me, and I rather enjoyed it. never expect to to. MRS. JARBY'S SPRING CHICKEN. “T hope you will be home to dinner early we are going to said Mrs. Jarby as puldn't you pull her wide THE JUDGE, she met Phil in the hall as he was going to the office. “Spring chicken, eh! all right; 5 o’clock, sharp,” replied Phil. Philbrick Was on time. Miss Lulu bloomed out in a new cream-colored bunt- ing dre a kinks in it; the other t wistful look; they hadn't eaten any lunch in anticipation of the spring chicken, and Mrs. Jarby was in her glo! The chicken was served and the boarders were eagerly devouring it~ when Mra. Jarby happened to notice Phil poking mething on his plate. I hope your chicken suits, brick, ” she asked in her blande: “Oh, yes; [had my doubts, when you told me this morning Si you were going to have spring chi but Tam glad to see that there is no joke bout this one. You know the old joke about board- ing house spring chicken? ” “Oh, yes; certainly, but I am sure, as iy there can be no joke about this a, hi Are you a connoisseur of spring chick- ens, Mr. Philbrick?” asked the lady from Boston. Oh, not at all.” How did you recognize the difference? “Oh, I found the spring,” and Phil held up to view a twisted hair pin. [Brooklyn Times. MONKEY WITH THE MAZY WALTZ Very soon now I shall be strong enough on my cyclonic leg to resume my lessons in waltzing. It is needless to say that T look forward with great pleasure to that moment, Nature intended that I should glide in the Tall, little, bald-headed, genial, limber in the extreme soulful, frol- icsome at times, yet dignified and reserved toward strange > foot—on my own foot, I 3 a woman at times, yet irresis| asa tornado when in- sulted by a smaller, Lam peculiarly fitted to shine in society. Those who have no- ticed my polished brow under a strong electric light say that they never saw a man shine so in society as I do. Thad just ‘earned how to reel around a ball-room to a little waltz music, when I was blown across the State of Mississippi in Sep- tember last, by a high wind, and broke one of my legs which I use in waltzing. When this ident occurred, I had just got where I felt at liberty to choose a glorious being with starry eyes and fluffy hair, and magnificently niovlded form, to steer me around the rink to the dreamy music of Strauss. One young lady with whom I b waltzed a good deal, when she heard t my leg was broken, began to aitend ever dancing party she could hear of, although she had declined a great many previous to that. I asked her how she could be so giddy and so gay while I was suffering. She said she was doing it to drown her sorrow, but her little brother told me on the quiet, that she was dancing while I was sick because she felt perfectly safe. My wife taught me how to waltz. She "Artistic Fiome JAMES B. Furnishings McNAB, 747 BROADWAY AND SOG MERCER ST., Fine Furniture, Carpets, te Farnishing of Flats and Apartments a Sp Bedding, &c., salty. iberal Terms to Parties Wishing Accomodation, , * would teach me on Saturdays and repair her skirts during the following week. I told her once that I thought Iwas too brainy to dane She said she hadn’t noticed that, but she thought I seemed to run too much to legs. My “wife is not timid about telling mea inything that she thinks will be for my good. When I make a mistake she is per- fectly frank with me and comes right to me and tells me about it, so that I wont do so again. A friend of mine says that I have a pro- nounced and distinctly original manner of waltzing, and that he never saw anybody, with one exception, who waltzed as I did, and that was Jumbo. He claimed that either one of us would be a good dancer if he could have the whole ring to himself. Ife said he would like to see Jambo and me waltz together, if he were not afraid that I would step on Jumbo and hurt him. You can see what a fecling of jealous hatred it arouses in some small minds when a man get he can mingle in good society and enjoy himself. I could waltz more easily if the rules did not require such a constant change of position. I am sedentry in my nature, slow to move about, so that it takes a lady of great strength of purpose to pull me around on time. I had a partner once who said I was very easy to waltz with, She moved about with wonderful ease and a poetic mo- tion that made my legs stand out at an ngle of 45 degrees, when we turned the orners. She told me to trust her im- plicitly and she would see that I got around Payuictans and Draggists Recommend fal InOW BIT This maticine qnichly Chilleand Fever. Lack of Eneras. i Kariies the’ ‘Hlood, a ees injure the suveticn “at other Ir ino tas above Trade Mark and creed red lines wrapper. TAKE NO OTHER, co WORK ™ MUST BE USED. Young’s Patent Electric Belts YOR THE CURE OP NERVOUS Bids NvivOts bent tess OF NdMioop Wraktese Boy ND ing. MOLT! ERRORS. &e. A MEDICAL WORK Noli GIVEN AWAY. snow “bet aay. bere Wealth, "Stree ae 7 Neriiocr th it, will be went free by Mead mamepeen aires ew. VOERO, COLUMBIA BICYCLES AND TRICYC Mlustrated Catalogue Sent Free. E POPE M'F'’GCO. Washington Street, Boston, Mass. Branch Houses :—12 Warren St, New York Wabash Avenue, Chicago. 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