Judge — October 10, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WE ALL REMEMBER. T remember, I remember That boarding house forlorn, The little window where the smell Of hash In The m: The servant girl from County Clare, Whose face would stop a clock. jad the L remember, I remember The gutta percha hen ‘They used to serv ‘To thirteen hungr. We blasted it w We ve In vain; ‘twas served up fricasseed For two or three days more. for chick of spring men hh dynamite, its bones full sore. T remember, I remember ‘The next room's fiendish wight Who practiced t From early morn We stood his dreary ** Sweet Violets” and more; But when he tried * We never speak,” We wallowed in his gore Tremember, I remember The lengthy weekly bill Received by me with shudders, and The symptoms of a chill, T also call to mind th When no one was about, When into space I dropped my trunk Aud through the dark skipped out (The Rambler. ght OYEZ! A Decatur lawyer is named Lieman. His name fits him better than his clothes. [Newman Independent. Some people are willing to be good if are well paid for it. Others are good for nothing—[San Francisco Examiner. Let a man neglect his opportunities in business and the opportunities will soon gin to neglect him. [New Orleans Picayune. It is said that great talkers are not as lia- ble to insanity as silent people. Naturally enough those who have to listen are the ones who appropriately go craz: [Indianapolis Herald. In advising teachers a school journal says: “Make the school interesting.” Teachers who have not been paid and have no dinner have all they can do to make themselves in- teresting. —[N. O. Picayune, A high school boy went home the other day delighted with the idea of the military drill, to be introduced into that institution, “T tell you,” said he, pityingly, to his sister, “it pays to be a boy.” [Lawrence (Mass.) American. Mra, Basque—“It seems to me wo aro having a good many storms this year. Do you know what occasioned that great blow we had last night?” Mra, Rever—‘ Yea, my husband found me going through his pockets.”—[Tid Bits, An article is now going the rounds of the agricultural papers, on “The Wonderful Intelligence of Hogs,” but no mention is made in it that the intelligence is of sufti- cient comprehension to enable its possessors to refrain from occupying two seats in a car, when it’s crowded: [Merchant Traveler. THE JUDGE. Said a Bloomington police judge to a dar- y witness, yesterday, “Do you know the nature of an oath?” ‘* You mean cuss word, sah?” ‘No,’ said the justice, “Do you understand whut you are to swear to here in court?” Yes, sah; our lawyer told me what to swear to, sah.” [Bloomington Eye. A countryman in a restaurant ordered roast lamb, and the waiter bawled out to the cook: One lamb!” “Great Scott! Mis- ter!” cried the countryman, “I can’t eat a hulllamb. Gimme some fried oysters in- stead.” ‘One fried,” bawled the waiter. “Well, Methuselah’s ghost! Mister, one fried oyster hain’t goin’ to be enough. Gimme a dozen of ’em. Durn these city eatin’ places.”—[Peck’s Sun, It was a Boston girl who, having received awritten invitation, out West, to ridea “burro,” wrote him as follows: “I am in- vited to ride a ‘burro.’ This isa funny country. It isalmost as strange to ride on a burcan, as it is to spell it in that way, bat these people are very unconventional and do not care much for education. [Merchant Traveler. k about the vicissitudes of life! I venture to. that I have had more ups and downs than any man of my age in the city.” You surprise me. You don’t look more than 21.” “T know it, but you forget that T was an clevator boy in a hotel for nearly five years.” [Philadelphia Call. A Boston writer thinks that the sexes are drifting apart. We hold that this depends on circumstances. When mother suddenly brings alight into the dark parlor the sexes drift apart very suddenly, but there seems to be an affinity, as it were, when the light is turned down low or extinguished, which drifts the sexes together again. [Philadelphia Call. “Mose? ‘Pears like de ha’r on yo’ top- knot am gittin’ radder scase.” “Dat’s a fac’, Pompey. exoduces gwine on dar.” “What's the casion? wid de waterbrush?” **No chile, but the old ooman reckermen’ me ter try some inseck-powder, an’ I’m blowed ef de intment haint ’couragin’ de poppylation ter take ‘long de onderbresh wid ’em.”—[Yonkers Gazette. Frank Hatton has a fourteen-year-old son who resembles his distinguished father in many particulars, according to the Chicago News. 1,” said he the other day, ‘I’ve made up my mind where I_ would like to go to college.” ‘* Aha,” replied his father, “and where is it, my boy?” ‘To V ‘” said the precocions child. “Hump!” lated the proud father; Dar’s one er dese Has yo’ been down ejacu- if “darned wouldn’t like to go there myself THE MAGIC NAME. ‘Twill be the Puritan this and Puritan that And Puritan all the way through, ‘The Puritan suit and the Pui hat And the Puritan neck-t , too. The Puritan bonnet, the Puritan cloak And also the Puritan car; ‘The Puritan brand of tobs And the Puritan nati > we'll smoke The Puritan stove, the Puritan toy, The Puritan horse, and last, We'll give the name to the college boy Whene’er he's inclined to be fast. [Boston Courier. fit to put within a pi Still | So ‘sinful souls, fresh cour: in the Autumn, is well known, y will the sweetest cider make, ve their use, as can be shown — take "— r Tourists spare that pie, Touch nota single piece; He to die, Tt was not m a new life's lease, "Twas made by woman's hand Ere Andre had been stot; On counter let it stand, Thy teeth can bite it not, iden, that read’st this simple rhyme, Enjoy thy youth, it will not st Enjoy the fragrance of thy prime, For O, it is not always May, Oh, hens that read this simple rhyme, prime, {Chicago Sun, We have just received from the Publishers a copy of a new scries of Recitations called “The Eureka Recitations and readings.” It is avery good collection and has been compiled and prepared by Mrs. Anna Ran- dall-Dichl, whese reputation as a writer of standard works on Elocution, and also as a teacher of the art, is second to none. They comprise Prose and Poetry—Serious, Hu- morous, Pathetic, Comic, Temperance and Patriotic. All those who are interested in providing an entertainment should have this collection. The very low price asked for these books must ensure a large sale. Ss. Ocitviz & Co., Publishers, 31 Rose Street, New Yor! THE MODERN SHAKSPERE, “Fie on thy fidgetings, Andromeda; Pa- tienco will help thee tie thy bonnet strings.” «?T'were better an’ ‘twould help thee tie thy tongue, With church-bell and thy clatter urging me, is’t wonder that I get the bows awry?” “Tis thee, and not thy beau that is awry, thou paroxysmal child of skittishness, When trifles such as this would curdle thee, think thou of Job,” “Of Job? A fig for Job! ath not the world a higher standard won than ganging patience by a nest of boils? If man hath set no higher type than this, then woman doth his fortitude o’erreach and wins the chromo in this very case.” “‘T tax thee to the proof, Andromeda.” “Which Ido give thee, sirrah, at thy word. What task was this your martyr, Job, endured—this idly growing fungus i? the hide and wooing kin to watch it suppurate —compared to Mrs, Job’s cocval woes? Did she not build him poultices, go to! and yield her saving of white rags, go to! and tireless ply the art decogative in day long kalsomin- ing of her lord? Did she not feed him with a spoon, go to! and catch the venom of his yowls, goto! and cook, and wash, and sew at intervals? Was it not hers to have her neighbors call, and deluge her with useless recipes, and stay to dinner—Pluto scorch their souls—the while her liege, the great, volcanic Job, would sop their sympathy with comicbooks.com