Judge — September 19, 1885 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Briefs Submitted. BY ROHT, woRGAS. Young Popham thinks his girl doesn’t know much about gram- use when he asked her to conjugate she declined. “Tm the head of the ticket after all,” chuckled the successful aspirant, at the close of the cau- cus, “Hush,” whispered his friend in rm, ‘* Don’t you see there -scalper in the next seat. Every child is “little lamb” according to its mother’s talk. | And the ce, with which the average man is wooled over, goes far to establish tho theory | that the ‘child is father of the man.” Since Oscar Wild has become a father his spare moments are cupied in devis 5 achild appear wsthetic who is making mud-pies with one hand eating a two-inch slice of bread end molasses out of the other. Tf well used, Gas will be found a good and faithful servant for light work. ‘To. be sure she has a great passion for matches; bat her fellow comes to meet her only about once a month. — Her } only objectionable relative is her brother, big Bill; but if he is Traveter, To Inspector— Please hurry up and eramine my friend’s trunk.” promptly checked every time he shows up he wont bother you much. seldom flares up, being peacable enough in the main; but she wont stand it to be blowed; and if turned off she will naturally feel put out about it. It is generally some time after a ba wound up before it’s cashier's run down, ON DECK AGAIN. To soothe your jaded winter time; I've employed my long vacation In the wh recreation Of fawning my anatomy, and I hope you'll think me prime. Tam plump as any pudk Though I've As you'll find when you endeavor me into your mouth to cram And you'll roll y Greater far than y As T nestle close and comforting below your dia- phram, got much more of ur eyes with pleasure 2 Can measure Ob, there's nothin tricious, But only what's delicious, About the charming bivalves of the deep and. briny sea; And those who love me strongest Are those who love me longest, And would never, could they help it, give up my comp I'm on deck again till April, So let your mouths all gape well, And down your throats like nectar so refreshingly Tl glid That the pleasure you'll remember Even unto next Septemper, When again you'll find me ready—raw or scolloped, stewed or fried. rrr uastise. She | Briefs Submitted. By Janes 3. O'Convens. It is the pugilist who knuckles down to his work, |. Aconductor is like an_actioncer—they | both knock down for a living. A young man in Detroit “ Opportunity,” because she i embrace. Much of Walt Whitman’s early poetry | scems to have been ground out through a smut machine. The reason’ musicians are generally in such poor circumstances is because they are always blowing it in. Courtney has at last rowed a square race. It is a wonder that the seams in his boat didn’t give him a stitch in the side. Jinks, who left his girl somewhat hurried- ly, the other night, says that the daughter’s little foot doesn’t compensate for the old | man’s big one. Auctioncer (to sheriff)—‘‘ The best bid I can get for the property is one thousand dollars, Whatshall Ido?” Sheriff—That will hardly cover my fees; but sooner than have any trouble about such a small matter you had better knock it down at that.” “What are all the people looking at?” asked a pious old lady as she sat on the deck of an ocean steamer coming ap the bay. “They say there’s a whistling buoy in the | water,” remarked her little son; “can’t I take sister over to see?” ‘‘ Wait a moment, my dear, till your mother finds out whether he has a bathing suit on.” Who Cain’s wife was is a question that has caused a great deal of argument in theo- logical circles. Probably Cain remembered that it was not till Adam had awakened from a deep sleep that he found a wife awaiting him, so it is very likely that the son followed in the footsteps of his father, for does not even the bible say that Cain went into the land of Nod for a wife? | From the Queen's Speech, | (Phe following extract was in the rough | draught of the Queen’s speech, but was sup- | pressed on reconsideration.) “My Lorps anp GestLem It gives | me pleasure to announce that my dutiful subject, His Royal Highness, Prince Henry of Battenberg, has renounced his allegiance to the Prussian government, surrendering a munificent salary of ten dollars a week in the Prussian army, and has been thoroughly anglicized. I congratulate the Empire on this annexation. “My swell subjects of New York City continue to advance in the noble art of “apery” and have succeeded so well in throwing off their American provincialism that they might. be mistaken for London | cab-drivers or waiters, “My dutiful subject, Mr. James Henry, who writes fairy tales for the American magazines, continues his landable adoration of everything English, and his contempt for provingialism, especially such as exiats among tho Bostonians. “I think of honoring | Mr. James Henry by giving him in marriage | to one of my fairest chambermaids and | making him Lord High Gum-Chewer and | Keeper of the Cuspidor.” «What does this mean?” a Tammany poli- tician asked me yesterday, as he was atudy- ing out a paragraph in the Commercial Ad- | vertiser. “ ‘Henry Clay had rather be right than be president.’ That is he had rather be right than be left; no, he had rather be left, than not be right, naturally. Rather | than not be right he would be left; he would rather be right and be left than not be right and not be left. Well, well, pall it and haul it, which ever way you please, I can’t make head or tail out of your Henry Clay. How cana man te right and left at the same time? If you're not ‘left,’ you're lright, that’s all there is about it. comicbooks.com