Judge — September 12, 1885 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A PROTEST FROM ST. LOUIS. A Doubting Thomasess wants Proof Guilt Before Worshiping a Murderer. [From the Pre “Sr. Lovts, Au Jaxwell spent the whole day. receiving disting 1 visitors and chatted ly with all, Maxwell received two anonymous shine as again phi nd for bis Specials. ] there bein arly every visitor | pacco and the result is hi ‘A local d * Maxwell « little ciret hh woven to; {ll be put in cell Ne which is the number of the room in which Preller. He wa: bers of the Council, Ors, priest and twenty-iwo women. ciety ladies are » in requests for bis picture. tures and t cell is filled with aking a brand called he prisoner is admit andi bad ea 144 in the jail to-morr ki In the first place, O JupGe, in order to clear my skirts or conscience (or whatever you call it) of any foul suspicion of cold- bloodedness, I hasten to avow myself as de- voted a worshiper of the fine art of murder as any Maxwellite in St. Louis, buat—— Tam touched in the tenderest part of my heart by the courtesy with which our officials received and “gaily chatted” with murd- erer Maxwell, but—— It is with tears of municipal pride and joy that I hear one of our local dealers in- tends to boom a murderer ‘* Maxwell brand of cigarettes,” but—— It with a thrill traly untellable that I see our society women mobbing murderer Max- well for his photograph, but—— It is with a (if you will permit me), with a stomach-felt’ sympathy that I behold the precious “Mavanas showered down by a hounteous public on the head of murderer Maxwell, but—but 0, there are dread mo- ments when the vast ‘turkey-buzzard wings of suspicion throw a shadow of doubt on the blooming carrion; and I say to myself, “alas for a tender: hearted public if she should get up some awful morning and find that she had been barking up the wrong tree; in other words, that all this mag- nificent tribute of courtesies and cigars and enthusiasms and society smiles had been thrown away on an— an innnocent man!” Yet, why not face the cold un- welcome truth that Maxwell’s guilt | is as yet only a pleasing dream, a fond illusion; not an established fact. This is why I adore Maxwell as yet with astring of buts. Wager your big shirt collar, Junge, there’s no lady of the lake or land that ad- mires this sort of thing more than this lady; but I have been suffering from a apell of sceptics lately, and I | must have the murder proved be- fore I can worship the murderer with a proper abandon, I should feel in a most ridiculous position if, after lavishing a lot of slippers, kisses, ete., on murderer Maxwell, the evidence came in and proved that he was no murderer at all, but | only an uninteresting, unromantic, commonplace Innocent just like the ordinary dull herd of men that one is always meeting. Therefore, I protest with a but. Yours, ST. LOUISA. THE JUDGE. Briefs Submitted. aa A Vermont farmer has counted over four thousand | | grains of wheat on one stalk. He must have fallen in with some well-bred party. One's talk is so apt tocontain noth- ing but chaff. “Step right into the par- | lor and make yourself at home,” said the. nine-year- old son of the editor to his sister’s best your man, “Take the rocking-chair and help yourself to the album. Helen Louise is up-stairs, and won't be down for some time yet—has to make up her form, you know, before going to press.” Hamlet still remains an unsolved riddle. But the latest theory concerning him | is that he was no Dane at all, but a vinegar-visaged Eng- lishman, who migrated to Denmark to escape the fog, and carried just enough of it along with him to conceal his identity. It is certain that he made a voyage to E | land, probably to visit tl graves of his ancestors; for the ‘rude fore-fathers of the Hamlet sleep” there, don’t- | | cherknow? “T speak four different lan- —_—— guages,” said the tramp, as the lady of the | house returned to the door with his tion, “Not knowing your proficiency in that line,” she replied, ‘I have brought you a slice of the fifth tongue.” ** But really, you know, madam, the gift of tongues is of small value unless it is inbred.” KR. MORGA INDEPE! Fanwen—"[f you want any apples just ask for them and I will give you some,” EDITION OF TH Tuts samrLe cq N.Y. Hetap's IDEA OF THE NEWS Y FREE, | LAMB AND MINT SAUCE. 1, E. JONES, Gaily the South-Down singeth bis sings, Bleateth the lambkin g nunted on springs Laugheth our soul as we sample the chops Cut from this innocent hopper of hops. Nothing so good As the roast jumper, the epicure’s to Lamb and mint sauce. | Rich man and poor man alike is imprest, Yankics at Plymouth or Hoosiers out West; E » Wall street man loveth the lamb, Often b ng a jam; | How they admire with a welcoming squint | Lamb dressed with sauce from the government mint, Lamb and mint sauce presence there cai too! when the summer is dull jat juleps full; atapult hurled, dish-towel furled; mb disagrees when its glories are felt Under the ribs and outside of the belt, Lamb and mint sauce. Bird of the summer, we sing to thy charms, Take we thy form to our stomachs and arms, Shrine we thy goodness our bosoms within, tribute of grace and of grin, re, fresh from the “mint,” Creature bu-colic, supplier of lint, Look we upon thee with worshipful squint, Ever shall wise men extend thee a fin, 1s extol with their musical din Lamb and mint sau Pror, XERPHENON , a German chem- ist, discovered a fluid which will gradually | shrivel a corps into nothingness. It ought to have a great sale among college students, if it will work so on dead languages. And why, by the way, does not the inventor try | it on his own name. comicbooks.com