Judge — September 12, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

POOR EXCUSE BETTER THE JUDGE. THAN NONE. City Beav—* Goodness, what's that! let's go "round.” Coustry Lass—* Why, it’s only a cow ; cow, would you?” City Beau—“Oh, no, certainly not—only out of courtesy, you know.” THE ADVERTISING POET. I'm an advertising poet, nt the world to know it. show it, If you'll read this ditty through. Ican rouse up your attention, And then, by intervention Of my verse, I can make mention Of each nostrum old or new I can take up any topic, Jolly, sad, or philanthr Arctic, temperate or tropic, As the burden of my s0 And then while y And think me quite a You will find I've been a Your patience all alo Some small samples let me measu Which are written for your pleasure, And which, doubtless, you will treasure As tokens of my skill, I must show my versatility, Exhibit my facility, Display my great ability The poet's rove to fill. [rorgioN rotitics.) did the Gladstone government collapse? It more than once had passed through worse mis haps Than when Sir Peter Lumsden (zealous man!) Marked out the limits of Afghanistan, ‘The Gladstone cabinet has lost its place, And Gladstone's self was beaten in the Because (in health and spirits insecure) ‘They failed to take Don Horner's kidney cure. [pomestic rouitics.] What care I whether Congress makes a large appro- priation For our rivers and our harbors and our inland nav- igation, Or calls the bill a jobbing scheme, deserving repro- | bation. Which quickly should be killed to save the mem- | bers from temptation, Trout-streams deepened or left shallow, it is all If I have Lane burger tea Expectorant, or Smith's Ham. Some ask for a low tariff and some clamor for pro- tection; Some talk free-trade in private and then, just be fore election, They muflle up their sentimen detection, Because adv section High or low or medium tariff, it is all the same to me, for fear of quick nced opinions are not pleasing in their If I have Lane's Expectorant, or Smith's Hum. burger Tea. Some loved the grand old party for its work of aboli t the nation’s very life demanded pro hibition; Some the Some thought a change of government would bet ter the condition Of many laid upon the shelf because in opposition. Republican or Democrat, ‘tis all the same to me If L have Lane’s Expectorant, or Smith's Ham. burger Tea. [sextistestaL.] He comes not, and I, weary, sit alone Hoping to hear his footsteps on the path, Though when be last was with me, in his tone, I saw that something had aroused his wrath, And when [ t to learn what hurt his pride, My oft-preferred petition was denied. Ah! here's a messenger who comes with speed, And in his hand a missive he doth bear. Be still, poor, throbbing heart, now is there need Of all thy courage. S May banished be | Pleading for pard perchance, dull care impassioned song, nfessing wrong. Love’: . While c you wouldn't turn out of the way for a | THe NOTE, “Though beautiful of form and fair of face, Not Aruby’s sweet odors on your breath Are boras! Your tevth’s condition ’s a disgrace! Last time I kissed you it was worse than death! in will see you, No, I won't, Unless you brush your teeth with Do-zo-sont! LINKIE LONGWIND. Briefs Submitted. The name of a Mexican War veteran is Ernot Redbug. If we err not, Redbug is a name to fill the tramp of fame. Sam Jones “ believes in a topless heaven and a bottomless hell.” But Sam doesn’t suy wich would be the safer place in a rainy spell. As the Rise of Silas Lapham has put a vretty sum of money in the pocket of Mr. Miowells, it can hardly be said of Silas that he has risen in vain. “Tle is a strong man who can hold down his opinion,” says Emerson, ‘This is one of those oracular utterances that only the in- spired freshman can get away with, If Mr. | FE. had cheesed ** opinion,” and called him a full-grown Cotswold ram, every sheep-shear- | erin the Western Reserve would chverfully | answer, ‘* you bet.” A SUBSTANTIAL SUGGESTION. LAaNDLAbDY Boarpe! Goodness, what are you there for?” Well, I want the rest of the boarders to see some- the same to me, thing on the table besides hash and castors.” comicbooks.com