Judge — September 5, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE INOF Last fall the Bourbon scorners hereabouts in Jotham Corners, After Brother Blaine was beaten, told me that my goose was cooked; Long and loudly kept announcing that the time had come for bounci 1, old, solid was booked And they sent special missions To Cleveland and to Vilas, but they havn't made me go Nor care | how much they try it, common quiet Democrat for my P.O. their petitions, and they went on for I kept un y inactive in the last camps know? They may kick, kick, stic While I can, And Tam not apprehensive, for Tam an in offensive— . dye ick, but I'll stick, stick, A very inoffensive partisan, contribution to that noble institution, The G. O. P., but not so large vs usual, d'ye And of course my neighbors noted that for B Blaine T voted But [only voted once, and that’s unusual with me, For I never quite expected that he would be elected, And so but very gently whooped it up for Brother B.; Ob, very, very gently, for my mind was fixed in otly On higher things than politics, namely, my salaree I have put up Cleveland’s picture as a handsome oftice fixture, Hangis’g from the self same wall where Blaine’s was wont to smile: And L take a Mugwump pap caper For aP. M while. ‘There's a powerful lot of growling and of animated howli Amon, Sa very proper somewhat demi-Democratic for a And the Democrats are pensive because I'm inoffen- sive, Or at least have learned to be so since Blaine was licked last fall But they may kick, kick, kic stick, sti If can; And I'm not apprehensive, Tam such an in offensive— Such a very inoffensive partisan. k, and I'll stick, w York Sun, OYEZ! OYEZ “This world is going to the dogs,” The old folks oft will sa “The patriots, all, are de But twan’t so in my day. Those were the days of mighty pluck, Men played important roles; Ab, would those times “The days that tried 1 and gone, Hd now return— oul, ‘They never think of barefoot boys, Who have their race to run, Through briars, pebbles, bits of glass, From dawn till set of sun. Perhaps they tread upon a snake, A splinter, oft annoys; ‘These do not try the souls of men, They try the soles of boys, [Chicago Sun, THE JUDGE. ‘The new cheese poison is called tyrotoxi- con and is said to be all mitey destructive. [Merchant ‘Traveler. An inmate in the county jail_makes life happy by singing, “T never drink behind the bars.”—[Merchant Traveler. America exported 750,000,000 eggs to Sngland last year. Can this be what is driving so many English lecturers to this country?—[St. Paul Herald. The Daily Minute has been established at Democrat and a Chris- ungerous in, Texas for one to avow himself a Republican outright. [Buffalo Express. n be so arranged that the widow can ride at the head of a string of forty-four hacks all the poor people in the cities will at once favor the idea, [Detroit Free Press. If cremation ¢: “Whether it getting rid of the dirt ase of heart disease we do not know,” on paper in regard to the death of an Italian by falling into the river. [Detroit Free Press, Whales are more numerous this season than for many years before, and it is no trouble at all to go out and catch a lu string of them before breakfast [{St. Paul Herald. In 1305 playing tennis was forbidden in England except by members of the royal nily. It is an interesting coincidence that at that time the ladies of the royal family were the only ones in England who wore silk stockings.—[Somerville Journal. “ What!” exclaimed the horrified deacon to the ministe: you, think pugilism is a respectable business? I did not say repliedthe minister; ‘ I said it was re- ble enough.” “Respectable enough?” respectable enongh for those en- gaged in it.”—[Boston Courier. Where are you going, Johnn you sec how it is raining?” ** Yes’ going in swimming. “Going in swim- ming! Why, you foolish boy, you'll get yourself wringing wet if you go in swimming in such a shower as this. Wait till the rain’s over.”—[Boston Courier. Urbane Old Gent.—‘ Kidney _ stew, ckicken croquettes and vegetables?” Po- lite Waiter—* Yes, sir. (Lapse of forty- five minutes.) Irascible Old Gent—‘* Where do you keep this stew, waiter?” Dignified Waiter—“ On_ the stove, sir. 2 Old Gent Impossible! You ice. Nothing else could keep it so [Philadelphia the old lady shouted stairs, ‘vas you goin’ to de barty?” «Yes, mutter,” answered Rebecca, “Vas you gettin’ reaty?” inquired the old Don’t m. I’m « Rebecca,’ up Yes, mutter,” replied Rebecca, “vill I vash for'a high-neck or a low-neck dress?” [Buffalo Express. Simpson and his wife were on their way to church, and the lady was putting on her gloves. ,““My dear,” he said _ pettishly, “vou should complete 5 your toilet at hom I'd just as soon see a woman putting on her stockings on the street, as putting on her gloves. “*Most men would,” she said promptly, and the abashed husband didn’t say another word —[Merchant Traveler. Caroline H. Dall, a veteran advocate of woman suffrage, thinks that the general feeling is less favorable to the extension of 13 | the suffrage than it was twenty re ago. Caroline must have noticed, however, that , the sentiment in favor of the extension of the female bustle is more marked than it was a few years ago—though she may regard this fact t simply as another proof that the * woman’s movement ” is getting behind. orristown Herald. MEDICAL ITEM. said De Fidgett to one of ont “do you have much practice “ Doctor,” medical men, , Lhave all the practice I can “In what particular line is the most of your practice?” “In the line of economy.”—[Ex. DELICAT of either sex, howe thoroughly DIS! er induced, promptly, | ‘and permantly cured. Send three letter stamps for large illustrated treatise, World’s Dispensary Medical As- sociation, 66 n Street, Buffato, N. Y. ACCORDING TO LAW. “Every city and town has its idioms and characteristics,” he said, a8 he wearily sat down on a horse-block and motioned for the officer to stake a seat beside him, “Yes, “And Detroit is not an exception, though I feel it my duty to make a few inquiries in the case. ‘This morning after eating break- fast at a restaurant the owner of the place led me to the door and kicked me with all his might. I had no money, you sce? Was that a legitimate transaction?” “ Perfectly, sir.” ick suppose so, but there was no harm in asking. Half an hour later a saloon keeper threw me over a table, rolled me in the sawdust, and then dragged me into the gut- ter. My indebtedness to him was only five cents. Ts that one of the idioms?” “T think it is.” ‘All right, then. At a later hour I halted a pedestrian and asked him to give me a lift towards Chicago. He turned me to the West and complied. I shall feel the effect of that litt for aweek. Was that characteristic? “T believe so.” “Then I make no complaint. I’m no hand to break over established customs. “T think you'll have to take a walk with me, said the officer after a silence.” “*To the cooler? ” “Yes. “ For vagraney? hat’s it.” “Ts that the custom here?” “Te is.” “Allright then, All I want is my legal rights in the case, and when a policeman ar- rests me I never kick because he belongs to the opposite party or doesn’t attend my church. Are you going to ring for the patrol wagon?” Vou “ Legal, is i “Very legal.” “And they’ Il boost me in according to Black “ Yes, sir.” «Then sound your tocsin and let her rip! I don’t care so much for clean shirts and French boots, but when it comes down to idioms, customs, and the statute law, I’m seven feet high and still growing!” (Detroit Free Press. o” (rd comicbooks.com