Judge — September 5, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. [Fliegende Blactter, THE CYNOSURE OF EYES. Who fs that lordly gentleman so affable and sweet? | He seems to occupy the whole attention of the street: | The people flock around him now—attraction he must be. Teg you quick elucidate the reason unto me. My son, the cynosure of eyes now standing ‘fore your sight, He led the heroes in the strife and won the noble fight, ‘Today his fame upon the score shines out like vivid sun— For, he plucked the laurels for his nine and made the only run. eee Little Classics. ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA. As Byron, Shakespeare, Plutarch, Lytle, Story, and also other writers of even greater reputation than myself, have written about these two famous lovers, I think I may be pardoned for speaking of them even if the | subject is a little bit stale. it | birds, pots, cows’ In speaking of the amours of Antony and Cleopatra, Byron saye: “He died at fifty fora queen of forty,” so I infer that their ages must have been 3 and 49 respectively, at the time when they began to make preparations for the big blow out that wound up their existance. I am all the more convinced of this, from the fol- lowing MMS. that I bought of Hon, Mr. Shapira (of Pentateuch fame) when I was last in the Levant. The dates of th let- ters, etc., may not jibe exactly with history, but as they all have a notary’s seal upon them and a certificate of genuineness, I give | them not only as delicate amative morceaus, but also as valuable additions to Oriental Archeology. Cleopatra's billey dux are all written in heads, etc., somewhat like the Rosetta Stone and Obelisk, while Antony wrote in Latin to show that he had been to West Point, I suppose. I give a free and independent translation of the missives. Rome N_ Y., June 28, 43, B.C. Mrs. CLEoPaTRA:— Madam, I stand that there is to be a platform dance. at Cairo on the 4th, and if agreeable I should like to be your escort on that occasion. I met you, you will Temember, when you were attending one of our 1 | racket I bad bere last | High Kickers, under: | | together and over them set oP commencement hops at West Point “‘on-the-Hud- son,” and as our great Poct-Laureate Virgil says: © Amor in cita e pluritus unum. Non co a mentia Jam Pius nena, Hoe satis hie slumgullion et ipse. Var Faucibus hacsit Arma cirumque Cairo.” Please write me at once in care 8. P. Q. R. Immoderately thine, stance ANTONY. Cleopatra seems to have been more hasty than discreet, for in the archives of the Jastern Union Telegraph Co., is this tele- | gram. Y., June 29, 43, B.C. Dranest y:—Your letter came today Can't see you here but will mect you at Saratoga on the 4th'if you s I'll put tip for the whole business, so don't be afraid r cash run: ng time for a . 30 you see T have to be and Desides, I understand fo give me thirty days ve town in if I get on uny more rackets very ning out on the look out a little that t tol Yours, with all the love and adoration that pas. sionate Womanly devotion could inspire, CLEOPATRA. tumbled to 1 go Wo Sara This was too rich for Antony he immediately telegraphed ba pt dying to see you. T start to: As ever and forever, Meet pany.” When he got to Saratoga he was almost sick for several days, so eager was he to sec her. He went to every train and went to the post-oflice and telegraph office about fifty times a day to see if she had sent any- thing to him. In the meantime, Cleopatra was preparing a sweet surprise for him, for he engaged a lot of Pinafore Nymphs, etc., from Black ‘Crook, Niblo’s and the Bowery, and then she chartered the finest stesmer on Saratoga lake and had the decks crashed and decor- ated with flowers and aromatic and aquatic birds painted by hand, and ‘the sweetest little poodle” was fastened to each girl’s waist by a chain. On the sides of the steamer were hung the flags of all nations, and on the pilot house sat statues of Isis and Osiris, and over all was suspended a $10.00 gold piece in lieu of the eagle which she had ordered, but as yet had not. received. As soon as Antony saw the steamer com- ing in sight, he eaid: “Yes, that’s her! She always was independent’r’n a hog on ice.” The people did not relish this remark very much, but, as Plutarch says, Antony’s wit savored more of the camp than of the court, and they stood it because he had been in the Revolution and Mexican war; and Penny- song, the Poet Lariat of England, had writ- ten three sad sweet Odes in his honor and Scribbler’s Monthly of New York had paid a thousand dollars each for them; so, of course, he was solid with the bon-ton Sara- toga folks and the elite elsewhere. Well, they went at: once to the Grand Union and registered as mau and wife, and then proceeded to kalsomine the town with the reddest possible paint that could be found, and they ended up with a grand shooting match, in which Antony was killed and Cleopatra died with snakes, which is only a circumlocution for delirium tremens. ‘They planted them in one wan wide tomb an obeliek Cleopatra’s 8. RYMAN, which has needle. since been calle: PRED. comicbooks.com