Judge — August 22, 1885 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE him talk even decent English, and when he | told how he had traveled, and began to | shoot his Latin at them, ‘* they thought he | was some Pumpkins,” as Horace very beauti- fully states it in one of his sonnets. | Well, Cato kept up his“ Carthago delenda est” till it became as popular as ** pull down | your vest,” “ Wipe off your chin,” “Git thar Eli,” or any of those popular expres- | sions; and Cato kept the ball rolling, for at the end of every speech in the senate, and at the end of all his answers to questions he would slam in a “ Carfhago delenda est.” A theatrical company we to Rome to play ast Lynne,” and Cato just sat and *‘guyed "it rigat through, and whenever he gota chance to lip in he wou!'d whoop her up “Carthago delenda est,’ and the gallery gods chimed in and just made Rome howl ** Carthago delenda est.” In the circus it was the same way. The Roman circus at that time was not a railroad show, so Cato was on deck every day, vhen he saw a wild cat chase a gladiator up the centre pole he would shont like a maniac **Carthago de- lenda est” till at last the people saw that something had to be dot had to cage Cato or burn C: SORT SEAR, ar the latter seemed more consistent with Ro- DOMESTIC IGNORANCE. man dignity they started out to do it, They | burned the city, tore down the walls, plowed the ground, and sowed it with salt, so the | next crop of folks who lived there wouldn’t | be so fresh, especially with Roman citizens | ~ 7 : who might chance to stop there for wood, [tis interesting to hnow that several | Briefs Submitted. and water. I think Syracuse must have | Young men were arrested the other night in = been served in the same Way at came time, | New York for wire-pulling. — While paint- seme Freo. §. RyMax. ing the town red they were detected in the Young man never say die, at least not in act of ringing door-bells. presence of the man with nav: A New Profession. |~~ —= — whiskers. MIXED ADVICE FOR MIXED AFFAIRS. Wire— Dear me, Gluts, I wish you would tell me what to get for dinner. teonld you like picked up cod fish?” Hoppy—" Where in thunier did you pick it up?” Superlative goodness must be very hard | on the hair; for, you know, the good gen- The assayer in | _—_ the Philadelphia = S HERE'S a murmer of disapprobation, it seems, erally die young. mint says he can | “ From men who've nw« compete ith Par aeaculie jou Yes, Henry, horse shoes are yenerally made out “wrought-iron; Providence in | From the sweet, soothing rest of political dreams! | S00 SNe of Predeht: ran; but they are numbering the Tio sone th | : at, : ‘ | hairs of one's = ie It seems the As we hear so little now-a days about the head, He has C It banister at Vassar we surmise that the au- scales A bit thorities have put in an elevator, pcan Wei : i ‘i as Shap che a ‘ 4 For fast as appointed they all resign, An Englishman of our acquaintance says Ther i he bad te By request or volition | cannot divine he was never shaved by a barber in his life; - is te take ak. % i Ah, met he has always howned a razor of his own, and weigh all. the (Tes, heed It takes nine tailors to make a man; but hair on your head Ti These Jay that Serge | one dress-maker can make a woman. pro- and dividing by | | ay. | eae ontttnaRalt | vided she has any kind of a nucleus to start the weight of one \ ? i on, he can give you the longed-for count. He ought to take | an Indian as part- ———— ner and go into the hair-weighing business, ' , ‘There is immense capillary attraction in the i An enquirer after truth speaking of arti- | idea of taking one’s hair off to have it nnm- | Don't be lier, ficial honey asks if it is true that men can | bered, and we should expect to hear the Or neither! make honey. Yes, indirectly; men make | neighborhood of that shop resound with | bees, and bees make honey. cries of “next!” from the scalpers and weighera. | cannot please all So cach pleases himself! “What aro the wild waves saying?” 8 Well, if they happen to be the wild waves of i? ieee i a closed umbrella, they are saying: “ That's my car.”” Is to be Demoe If you find this advice rather hard to accept, 4 Don'ttak An agricultural exchange eays that horse Tust shake lit collars should be washed with ° carbolic opped, however, in doing them up, as it annoys Teles kes toured the horse to have his collars too stiff. ‘Twill be a bright visic | ‘Your husband is quite a literary man,” To those who've been shut from the country’s Ely- | remarked Mrs. Dobson. ‘ Yes,” sighed | slant Mrs. Jobson, as she brushed his slippers ETYMOLOGICAL VERSE. — jan sehen from'the piatform of douot you have | eid. Very little starch should be used, | | The way of the wicked is rough, Of those who play poker and blough; And of those who get tight, And their passions excight, By drinking intoxicant stough. from the mantel-piece and fished his sky- There's another «mall point blue cravat out of the coal-hod, ‘‘he always 1 will try to disjoint; was littery.” “ Beware of seductive champagne, ane Which fuddies and softens the brayne; Abe | Wella desc wales slant” Remain “on the fence,” and you won't have a slip From the dangers of off-fencive partisanship! “Did you hurt any birds to-day?” in- quired the old farmer of the amateur sports- |man, ‘Well, no,” he replied, as he sorted Tes BA seve tele, | out his legs from the barbed-wire fence, Rud Gave ont iour anes ashe saya wea | but I guess I made some of ’em soar.” comicbooks.com