Judge — August 15, 1885 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

6 will brighten your inte ist your reasoning Young ladies me advise you to abjure chewing gum, You , et me advise you to drop Ca ul take to the ‘Compound,’ My friends, wink no longer 1 clerk when you call for y pound ? straight. Cusby states that the Kansas City stop- over resulted ina total of three rise Boniphiz, and six car loads of the pound,’ ts and wonderfully MUTUAL DISTRUS Objectionable People. THE ADVISER. Iam one of those unhappy creatures to whom everybody gives counsel. Folks take the same interest in my affairs that Job’s friends did in his—but I have more of t than he had. T) of my counsellors is legion. Mr. Sprade the newsp: man in our street who keeps me informed in 3 of the world for twenty-five cents is one. This very morning Mr. Spraddlins exhorted me to'go back for my umbrella, although it was 1 all likely to rain. ‘* Better get it,” “bad sort of a morning for a delicate-look- ing gentleman as you is, sir—or I'll run ck for your umbrella if you like; my legs is stronger! n yours, Now I want to know wherein Spraddlins is my superior that | ate to me what I must do, Is Mr. Spr tor or a meteorologist that he pre- sume to advise me on the w comment on my health, or refer contemptuously to my ? Indeed the latter are quite cap- able of kicking him if he should repeat his impertinence, But somehow or other it sems to be the will of destiny that every 1, woman and child should give me ad- for instance, can I fittingly reprove ddlins when I remember that for the last three months I have been counsel by a young lady of six summers to grow whisk Tdon't want to grow whiskers, The inducement this patronizing miss offers me is that I should then be like her papa. I cannot explain to her that that gentleman is not looked on as the criterion ; I simply regard ance of my fate. With the same humility I listen to Mrs. Moggles. Moggles is the janitress of the building where office is. Mrs. Moggles cannot spell, and is on ill terms with grammar, She is asthmatic, and stops THE JUDGE. her sweeping every mornit of my chairs. * And ‘ow does ye find yerself this morn- , sir?” she invariably wuswer toa conundrum, ‘0 rest in one , ye look ays, pla. Are ye prepared Have ye made ye How is spceritoul conditio “Quite well, thank you, Mrs. Moggles, quite well.” * Ye don’t look as if ye'd live very long,” she contiaues cheerfully—* and not to de- ceive ye, sir, ¢ found green tea and leegin a great comfort, sir. Now, if ye'd ea drop o’ tea and go with me to Upper Fleet Lane Warm Water Baptis’ Chapel to- night 1 know jhow yer fe Better, : sowl yet? und Moggles indeed! Why, city seems to have resolved itself into rd of directors connected with me. Nobody ever comes into my office without a new set of the ten commandments. There, for instance, is Mr. Snaddlepins, His advice is uniformly good, but rather difficult to adopt. Lam not stire that he ever advised me to stand on my head, or requested me to change my naturally saturnine complexion toa florid and blonde tint; but his counsel is usually of that practic forever demanding that Is vall cease writing transient and frivolous thin THE Persrint anile nockyerdow. A PAren Has been started in Europe en- titled ** The Gazetle-for- People-wit % Let us have zette-for-people- with Short Debts. ‘Things. pat Pall Mall journal, and most other Englis “ papers, for that matter, seem to be + Gazettes-for-People- with-Strong-Stomach: | insist on trying ‘to © the and compose | WORM a work that will make me famous. Phil- sophy, he thinks, is my forte, and he will give me no peace until I write a book that will live, “Tut, my dear sir,” [ exclaim, “how am I to live in the meantime? “Live! Bosh! Why d if you cannot make a name! ‘Take the ad- vice of a man a great deal older than your- self, and don’t fritter away your tite in writing sket hes, Any blockhead can do that. Set to work antly and give us something losophical.” Inti 1 by his manner I send a pro- found essay to the publishers. Whereupon Lliave an immediate ‘wieit. froin my friend Squiddlejig. “Ugh!” he growls, “at it are you? If you were not such a obstinate creature vuld » advice For heaven’s sake stick to where your talent is. But if you world think that your head isa deep one—if you insist on being a fool, very well, it is not my fault.” you want to live y gone before Mr. Jubbins comes in, and entreats me to abandon the rd idea of making a success with the pen. ‘Go into finance,” he adjures me, ‘there is no money in anything else. You have a number of friends in the street, and are sure of a fortune.” And he is succeeded by one who advises me to go on the stage, and another who exhorts me to adopt the law. So that between my advisers 1 shall certainly come to grief inthe end. HILLARY BELL. TUL ‘ow lokere, Mungnmely, you jus say ’sis holtenuff f’you, Tue Freneu have re tionary law which makes the state take charge of every seventh child of a family in necessitous circumstances, from the age of six. We woald favor some such bonus on big families with a limitation, so that any one family could not wring in more than six or seven dead-head babies on the state. vived an old revolu- comicbooks.com