Judge, 1885-08-15 · page 14 of 16
Judge — August 15, 1885 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains a satirical piece by Bill Nye (a popular humorist of the era) mocking pseudoscientific pretension. Nye adopts the persona of a fake "scientist" submitting an absurdly overwrought medical report on tissue samples allegedly taken from Mayor Flannery's mouth to an "Academy of Science." The satire works through intentional obfuscation: Nye uses genuine medical terminology mixed with nonsensical jargon ("northeast duplex," "parotid gable-end") to parody how scientists and doctors of the era often obscured simple observations behind impenetrable technical language to appear authoritative. The comedic effect comes from the sheer pretentiousness—treating trivial mouth tissue as momentous scientific discovery worthy of newspaper publication. This mocks both the self-importance of minor officials (the mayor) and the affectations of the scientific establishment, exposing how technical language could be weaponized to impress the public regardless of actual substance. The piece exemplifies Judge's satirical approach to American society's follies.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
dren that mop the grass-encumbered swards where last night night’s rain hath made it’s humid bed; that sop the cholera morbus germs accrued from divers and misguided pastry cooks; that oft are wooed from gour- mandizing ‘bout to damp athletics in con- venient pool, these be the candidates that are elect to speedy anchor: amongst the | worms. Mark me! ‘This pic nic season is | the time when swaths are widest in the | youthful fold, and good-intent unwitti takes from death a license to assist his vesting. [—Yonkers Gazette. 7 oe ¢ of so delicate a nature Urethra should only be f large experience and By our improved methods we have Ai nd permanently cases, — Pane- ms, three letter | Asso- A dis as stricture of th entrusted to thos skill. | been enabled to cure hundreds of the phlet, stamps. ciation, 66% wor: Main Street, Buffalo, Bill Nye. TURNED SCIENTIST, AND TRANSMITS A RARE IE PORT TO THE PUULIC ON TILE MAYOR'S THKOAT To the Members of the Academy of Science ‘rin Prairie, Wisconsin, —GESTLEMEN : leave to submit herewith my micre report on the several sealed specimens | of proud flesh and other mementos taken | from the roof of M nnery’s mouth, As | Mr. Flannery is the Mayor of Erin. Prairie, | | and therefore has a world-wide re putation, L deemed it sufficiently imy at large and pleasing to Mr. Flannery’s family to publish this report in the medical journals of the cowry, and have it tele- H graphed to the leading newspapers : xpense. Knowing that the world is hungry to learn how the laudable pus of an eminent man appears under the micros- nd what a pleasure it must be to his family to read the description after bis death, | I have just opened a new box of difficult rtant to the world | words, and herewith transmit a report which A young ars her face was al byt THE JUDGE. will be an ornament not only to the seray book of Mr. Flannery’s immediate family after his death, but a priceless boon to the | reading public at large. Removing the seals from the jars as soon as | had returned from the express off I poured off the alcohol and recklessly threw it away. A true scientist does not care for expense. The first specimen was in a good state of preservation on its arrival. I never saw a more beautiful or robust. proliferation epi- therial cell nest in my life. It must have been secured immediately after the old epi- therial had left the nest, and it was in good order on its arrival. ‘The whole lobule was looking first rate. You might ride for a week and. not run across a prettier lobule or a more artistic aggre, side a penitentiary, Only one cell nest had be up on the way, and this looked a good dc fatigued. In one specimen I noticed a car- neous degeneration, but this is really no re- flection on Mr. Flannery personally. While i s been ill it is not surprising that he should allow his cell nests to carncously de- generate. Such a thing might happen te most any of us. One of the scrapings from the sore on the right posterior fauces I found on its arrival had been seriously injured and therefore not available. I return it herewith. ‘rom an examination which had been con- ducted with great care I am led to believe that the right posterior rafter of Mr. Flan- nery’s mouth is slightly indurated, and it is barely possible that the northeast duplex and parotid gable-end of the roof of his mouth may become involved. Twish you would ask Mr. Flannery’s im- mediate relatives, if you can do so without arousing alarm in the breast of the patient, if there has ever been a marked predisposi- tion on the part of his ancestors to tubercu- lar gumboil. I do not wish to be understood as giving this diagnosis as final at all, but from what I have alread ted, taken with other clinical and pathological data within lowed to dry “A Perfect Sight!” Those “horrid pimples if you will purify your blood by Ayer’s Sarsaparilla. = are sure to disappear the use of that for a number of red with pimples, and she was constantly bottles of Ayer's Sarsapa- y of Dover, N. HT. writ was troubled with a humor which | my face in ug! les. Ayer’s Sar= , | me, ood puritier in the CHARLES IL. SMiTit, North Craftsbur Ait! We regard A Sarsaparilla as a real * | plnples and erupt if almost every de i tive cure have kept it in our family for the past twenty ail years W. Cocknent, Alexandria, Va. | Prepared by Dr. J. C. Ayer & Co., Lowell, Mass. “Ayers S. covered my face. “Until recently, m eb wa aparilla, — Atice E. CHARLES, Bath, Me, Ayer’s Sarsaparilla, Sold by all Druggiste. parilla cured me of pimples, wh Itis the best medicine T ever u literally JULIA Bexsanpty, Compton, Hl fi has been covered with pi I took four bottles of Ayer's ve as fair as could be desired.” fitter my skin has beee Price 81; six bottles, 85. ation of cell nests out- | | my reach, t that minute, lobu- laied gumboil bactina were found flo: through some of the cell nests, I have reason to fear the we I would be to receive from you for microscopic examin tion a fragment of Mr. Flannery’s malpi ian layer, showing evidences of cell prolifer tion, I on this, of course, as able in case there should be a mal- pighian layer which Mr. Flannery is not us-—_ | ing. Donotask him to take a malpighian | layer off her cell nest just to p! me. From one microscopic examination I glad Nervous Debilitated Men Marshall,” ditch.” “ { BROWN’S|RONBITTERS | WILL CURE | HEADS ACI 1 IMPURE BLOOD FEMAL RHEUMATISM. : KIDNEY and LIVER TROUBLES, FOR SALE BY ALL DRUGGISTS. The Genuine has Trate Mark and creed red lines oo wrapper, TAKE NO OTHER, if VTE NSTATES BUILDING rt, New York. 1 sod on the monthly THE ne Pviase BOARD OF TRU aR Pantin, Prewt 8 How. Cian vn Dosvrns, art, New. York. Jous T. Raxken, Treasurer of the Adire Cuerven K. Doran, Treasurerof the Manhattan Rubber ¢ ROH Mu 1» Merchant Raysoxp 1. Dossy, Sec. and ‘Street, New York, OFFICERS, Omictal Ste President, Viee- Pres't ant Treas., See. and Gen'l Manager, Architect Cuas. ROE Wittiast Il. Doxt Ravaonp 1, : Davin W. Krxo Wu.tam C, ALnercen Civit Engineer comicbooks.com