Judge — August 15, 1885 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1 vain for one heart-beat When Lam dead! Listen! implores a poet, with other words to the same eff It is quite evident that our poetic friend doesn’t know us. We haven't stood aghast over a poet’s winding-sheet for for listening for heart-beats we always find it nece sary to kneel aghast when we do that. euc- sfully, Still, if it will do the moribund moons, And as solitary bard any we will assure him willingly that we won't mourn ourselves or let an, hody else mourn if we can help it—not a weep. We stopped mourning for pocts when the Sweet Singer of Michigan died. —[Somerville Journal, MORIZET CHAMPAGNE. The fact that it is the connoiseurs in the le well as on tl reputation, and dryn adopted brand of ¢ London clubs, as sts its merited acy of flavor, ‘or purity, delicacy . it vies with the choicest brands. Co., Sole Agents for No 1 State Street. OYE But be was rich And she shook Greek and marr’ {Chica xpan, him, ‘Tribune. ‘Too much bee heads. —[Pretac Love’ of ice crea Motto for pt to put men at lager Weekly. »—Taking the smaller plate [Boston Post. the dude: “There’s room at zel’s Weekly. banana-peel can down any- thing but the thermometer.—[Phil. Call. A convict, however poor, can always have a watch and chain,—[Baltimore Telegram. Boston maidens love flowers, It is haughty-culture, don’t you know [St. Pan] Herald. A New York physician well cat sawdust as oatmeal. fine Loard.—St. Paul Herald. “One swallow people may as Sawdust is 3 not make a summer,” but sometimes leads to “making a night of it. [Pretzel’s Weekly, ‘The baseballist who is out on strikes don’t generally get much sympathy from his fel- low strikers. —[St. Paul Herald, Nero fiddled wh and now Grover ( Democrats are starving. {Lane: Rome eland was burning, hes while ster Examiner. It rains upon the just and the unjust alike; but the unjust are generally provided with borrowed umbrellas, which they do not return.—[N. C. Picayune. A man named Cannon, employed in a Pittsburg foundry, went oif the other ¢ loaded to the muzzle, and on his return was promptly discharged.—{Phil. Call. Niagara hackmen, whose occupation has been ruined by the conversion of the Falls into a public park, arc now secking posi- THE JUDGE termined to have a position which will en- able them to rob the traveling public with- out rendering themselves liable to arrest for highway robbery.—[Norristown Herald. Marine Bank Fish is working at the shoe- iker’s bench in the Auburn Penitentiary His last days are his best days, es far as the world is concerned,—| Merchant Traveler. Belva Lock 1 says that women of brains should never get married. — Belva never loses an opportunity of alluding to herself as a single woman, [Burlington Hawkeye. rentric belle at White Sulphur ks her pony with roses from mane to tail, She might increase her eccen- tricity by decking him with roses from Maine to California. —[LHatchet. ‘The most ccc Springs de Boots are seldom worn in the evening, and undressed kid is the favorite material for slippers, says a fashion journal. It may be added that elippers are not a favorite mate- rial with the undresse dkid.—| Hatchet. 13, asked her father for as told to wait until to- A little girl, a more candy, but morrow. ‘Looking out of the window for a few moments, she suddenly “Pa, it looks like to-morrow now.” [Phil. Call. It didn’t afford us much consol week, when the thermometer was c its centennial, to reflect that, according to | the belief of scientists, ‘The sun is losing | its heat.” Our earth seems to find all the sun loses.—[Norristown Herald. “You must be having a hard time of it nowadays,” remarked a traveler at a railroad lunch counter.‘ Why do you think so?” was the query. “Well, I noticed when I bit into this sandwich that you. do not make both ends m {Chicago Rambler. Anxious Inquirer: We have no means at hand of ascertaining whether or not Helen of ‘Troy works in the laundry. It is very probable, however, that you might reach her by putting a little note in with your next bundle of collars and cuffs. [Somerville Journal. ‘The series of articles which Mme. Patti is pet ring for an American magazine, must be in her ‘own hand writing. ena $4,000 a night singer ought to b to re enough time to copy a series of ar- ticles, after they are written for her, [Norristown Herald. “T see that the Pope is writing another book,” said Mrs. Pugmire, looking up from her paper. ‘I’ve got his * Essay on Man,’ and if the new book is as good as that we must have a copy And then she musing- ly repeated, “Lo, the poor Indian, whose untutored mind sees God in clouds and hea Tlim in the wind Peck’s Sun, Life Insurance had better take out a life policy.” “No. I'm very comfortably fixed. Ifyou can insure me against a future state, you'll find me ready to talk bussiness.” “Tam sorry I cannot accommod Our company is simply a life pany. It does not insure against f (Phil. Can. Several famous writers and orators of Boston were speaking of their lecture ex- you, e com- periences, when the subject of pay was brought up. Each was certain he had re- ceived the smallest sum, But Dr. Holmes Je a climax by saying : ‘ Listen, gentle- 1». Thad engaged to give a lecture for tions as sleeping car porters. They are de After it was over a grave-looking dea- lebrating | 3 | nt—“ Mr, Hobbs, you | 13 | con came to me and said: ** Mr. Holmes, we ol to give you $5, but your talk wasn t just what’ we expected, and [guess that tew-fifty will dew.”—[ Phil. Call. Mr. Good is nothing like charity, Mr. I more there sir.” Mr. Goi We should always help one anothe Mr. Poorman—* Very true, sir. Will you kindly lend me a dollar?” Mr, Goodman (hastily) — You misunder- stand me. I mean in a spiritual sense.” Mr. Poorman (promptly)—" So do I. I intend to expend it for a strictly spiritual Mr. Goodman—* Avaunt!” (ITe avaunts.) [Phil. Call. “Tlave you got what de calls alarm clocks?” he was asking of a Woodward venue jew er the other day, How does it alarm?” Rings a bell. Am dat all?” “Tsn't that enough Few people can sleep with that bell ringing away like a bur- as dat will a clock but no sich trifl wanted y, bos do for my cabin. I would pull ha’, clothes off an’ frow down de bec | When my ole women gits ter sleep she ain’t gwine to let go fur no bell-ringin.’ Eben when I frow ice water ober her she simply changes off from dreamin’ about white hosses an’ goes to dreamin’ of black cats.” [Ind, Herald. The great diaphor anodyne, for attack colds, fevers and in s Dr. Pierce’s Compound E ct of Smart- Weed; also cures colic, cramps, cholera mor- bus, diarrhoa and dysente Only 50 cents. y, or bloody flux. THE “ Alive, sweet mai Omnipo' praised! 1 thought to find thee in th MODE SIIAKSPERE. nee be grave- yard yon. “'The early berrying season's over, love, and so I find'a more engaging shrine. ‘Thy tones are better than the tombstone: dear.” “ Beshrew thee, vault for wit no receivin to'rd the gir Vm that hath a bias “Phen wherefore shroud thy thoughts in mystery? “In myst » they’ve missed thine he my- sterious. ut look thes 's mar- row in me fears. Brief so fatal- ized thie burg that till thy lips gave. with to thy life mine apprehensions palled me ith thy gloom. What mean these tend Hath A t swonped down upon the land, that erape should flut- ter from alternate doors, sextons make po} | ulous the cemeteries and undertakers gr hilariu cies funereal? “If it be so that cholera’s arrived, here's one that hath no tidings of the same.” And hath no dynamite rehearsal been, or lemon pie held carnival of late?” ‘Nothing, me lord, of kith or kin to Other than mortuary fetes you name wht disturbed the eorporati xcept the pic nie of the Sun | drowse chool, a! ‘That gives the combination, dame, Dea th hath an ally in these festivals that helps him glut the av'rage sepulehre, Chil- comicbooks. com