Judge — August 8, 1885 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

As I was sayin’, I b’lieve in the im.” cond Advent- trine. doctrine of Second Advent “What's that? What's > tism?” asked Sandy. “Why, Sandy, Second Adventism is the second coming of—of—of—” (fumbling in his pockets for his memorandum book). It’s the second coming of—of—what in thunder was the man’s name?” (Spelling out the memorandum S-A-V)._ ‘* Why, the second coming of our Saviour.” “Has he ever been here before, Stev asked Sandy Why, yes, Sandy—years and years ago Elder Samuel says.” And what did he go away “Why, Sandy, they ’bused him, killed him and run him out, Ran him out, Sandy, “And you think he’s comin’ bac! “Yes, Sandy; that’s what Elder Samuels 8a} Well, Steve, if they treated him as you cay they did, if they "bused him and_ killed him and run him out, why, b’gosh, I'll bet four—dollars—he—don ome— back!” —[Eli Perkins, in Exchange. OYEZ! chair, dhe scratched his hair, The editor « And he sat—and he « For the devil for copy was callin; But that editor sat and he scratched in Not a sin 1 came from hi A condition most truly app. e idea wou brain— Then in sheer desperation he grabbed up hi pen, And he took for his text the follies of men And the whimsical follies of women, And he w and he wrote till he made a big book, Without getting half th And the ink that it Was enough for a gunboat to swim in [Chicago TiHthune. ugh, Domestic pets—matrimonial sulks. [Chicago Ledger. The lumberman’s favorite drink is logger. [St. Paul Herald. Al in debt when there is no necessity for it—the letter B.—[Chicago Ledger. ‘The Finnish language ought to be taught at all boarding schools. —[ Picayune. The best way to keep cool in summer is to allow the mind to remain dormant. Many Chicago editors shiver in August, [Phila Call. Why does the ‘girl of the period ” make the best housekeeper? Because she makes so much bustle about a little waist. [Chicago Ledger. In the whirligig of politics the ‘ins” always become corrupt, and the ‘ outs” be- come reformers, that they may get in. [Picayune. An exchange has an article on the “fu- neral of the future.” We have often heard of the “dead past,” but we supposed the future was yet alive.—[Hot Spring News. “Jim Smith is a cottage-built man.” ** What kind of a man is that?” “The man with only one story is called a cottage-built man, and Jim has only got one.”—[Ex. One cause of the throat and lung trouble in this country is the fact that all of us sing so much and so sweetly. Neither the throat “THE JUDGE. nor the lungs were intended to stand such strains, —[Detroit Free Preas. ‘Tho artists of Madagascar represent Old Father Times as a colored man, This makes him move much slower. [Detroit Free Press. Europe seems to be divided at present be- tween admiration of Roscoe Conkling’s curl and Minnie Palmer's stockings. Were the two attractions combined nothing could hold the Old World down.—[ Phila. Call. James D. Fish, the incarcerated defaulter, has been pretty well broiled on the humor- istic gridiron. If the funny men keep on, we shall witness the anomoly of broiled Fish changing into a roasted chestnut. [Ilatchet, Little Bess, to g —* You ain’t b > Mr. child— What made “Why, no, [ should hope not. hin’; ‘cept pa you think I was?” ‘Oh, n said you was awful niggardly [Burlington Free Press. A Baffalo prohibition journal, called the Sixteenth Amendment, has put at the head of its editorial columns, Lucy Webb Hay for President, and Elizabeth Cleveland, Vice-President. These candidates would infuse considerable bustle in the campuign, bot Dr. Mary Walker says she won’t vote for them. She doesn’t believe in a petticoat government. —[Norristown Herald. A dentist advised a man to have a tooth taken ont, assuring him if he inhaled gas he would feel no pain. ‘* What is the effect of the gas?” asked the man. ‘It makes you insensible,” said the dentist, ‘* and you don’t know anything that takes place.” “The man took out his money. ‘Oh, never mind the fee until afterward,” remarked the dentist. “T wasn’t thinking of that,” said the pa- tient; ‘‘T only wanted to see how much money I had.”—[Yonkers’ Gazette. BROWN’S LITTLE JOKE. “Why, Brown, how short your coat is,” said Jones one day to his friend Brown, who wittily replied: | Yes; but it will be long enough before I get another.” Some men spend so much for medicines that neither heal or help them, that new clothes is with them like angels’ visits—few and far between, Internal fevers, weakness of the lungs, short- ness of breath and lingering coughs, soon yield to the magic influence of that’ r remedy, Dr. R. V. Pierce’s “Golden Medi cal Discovery.” “Ma, can [go to the circus next Tues- day?” inquired a Stockton boy of his mother yesterday. I'll see, Johnny.” “Now, ma, that ain’t a square deal.” “Why not, son?” “Tt isn’t what you want to see; it’s what I want to see that causes me to ask.” [Weekly Maverick. “Grandma,” said a young scapegrace, “ do old people live very long?” “Sometimes,” said the stern old lady. “Do you think you will live to be very old?” persisted the hopeful. “T hope,” said the old lady wearily “that I shall live long enough to see you grow up a well-behaved young man.” And the incorrigible responded: ‘There, everybody keeps dozens of ser T had four whose sole business it was t after my pir One brought it to me, another filled it, a third lighted it for me— ‘And the fourth?" * The fourth smoked it for me. Tobacco never agreed with me.” [The Eye. Philadelphia has a barber shop where In- dian squaws do the shaving. The India have always displayed great skill in cutting. ‘Their famous ne plus ultra close- clip has always been unsurpassed for neat- ness and dispatch.—[Somerville Journal. ee ee the urethra in ed by our new mphlet, refer- Stricture of its worst forms, speedily cu and improved methods. I and terms, two three 1d’s Dispensary Medical 3 Main Strect, Buffalo, N. Y. Indignant Purchaser—‘ See here, sir; 1 don’t want this horse you sold me. He balks. I can’t get him over the bridge.” Jockey—* That’s the reason I sold him. Why did you come to me for the horse?” +I saw your advertisement in the pape “T thought so. I gave you my reason for selling him.” “ey ‘To be sold,’ you stated, ‘for no other reason than that the owner wants to go out of town.’” “Well, if you can go out of town with him it will be more than I can do.—[Vhila. Call. A tramp at Pekin applied at th back door for assistance just as the minister's family was preparing for morning prayers.‘ My good man,” said the minister kindly, “we would be glad to have you join us in our de- votions, after which you will reccive a nice only by BROWN CHEMICAL CO_,Baitizore, Ma, MUST BE USED. Young’s Patent Electric Belts POR THE CORE OF NPI OUSNESS. NERY THY. Loss OF WEAKSES« OF MIND, Yoornrcr aes te bE otvEN Dr. receipe Of stamped directed « A Htudson Street, New si The Famous DELICIOUS CUSTARD WITHOUT EGGS, at THE COST AND TROUBLE. English Custard Powder — Produces HALF 1] Sad in Bores at 18 cents, ficient for’ pints, aud cents, muficient for? pints, “Well, grandma, you needn’t wait. I'll telegraph.”—[Toledo Blade. A traveler, recently returned from India, was relating his traveling impressions, “What a country that is!” he exclaimed. A GREAT LUXURY. Inventors & Manuf: . oss, Birmingham, ae A Ebgiaa: ad PastRy | EVAN oh Pinay i sweets | ata, Mal echo contain Pree ont “ipa for Tasty Dishes for the ebtces | Dinner and Supper table. z comicbooks.com