Judge — July 25, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. ON THE ROAD. Mr. J. Melon Chickenshaw is the amiable and efficient head | clerk of the Packstone House at Omaha. One morning I called at the office for my mail and was ad- ed as follows: ou hi dres: “The man 4 morning and re istered.” «Do you mean Mr. Le Gra of the P.D. Q. Railroad?” ““Yes; there he is buying a cigar at the new pos looking chap with a single-breasted eye aud. been asking about, Mr. Lang, arrived this | nd Bounce, the purchasing agent | nd—that_pom- -glass and a bald So that’s the fellow. I’ve done my prettiest to get hold of that man, but, up to now, have never even seen him. I'm told he’s the hardest man to sell, in the railroad business. You sce, Chicken I have a straight pointer from aclerk in’ his off that he isabout placing a big order for illuminated advertising 1s such as are hung in railroad depots all over the country, and m going to get that order within twenty-four hours if | bust my suspenders. Have you seen Cusby and Brown lately?” ** Yes, I saw them go into the billiard room a little while “Thank you, Chickenshaw; Teount on your help in this mat- ter and will see you late: I found the boys sitting to- gether and smoking while they watched a pair of Colorado cattle men who were attempting to pl game of pool. The fact that cach had the butt of a pistol protruding from his pocket, was probably the only reason that my friends refrained from open criti- cism on their p! “T want you fellows to come into the desk room with me,” I said, nd at once.” “What's up, Lang 8 asked me, as he and Josh lazily followed me into the adjoining room, «Just this, boys. When the proper time arrives you, Josh Brown, will be Sir Joshua bets, chairman of the great Eng- lish line, The Midland, and a person of immense importance. You, Gus Cusby, will be Mr. Angus! Nibs, Sir Joshua's private secretary. Now, Mr. Nibs you will Kindly. sit ‘right down here and write a note to Mr. L couple of friends this evenin self to be at all disconcerted § at nine o'clock. Don’t allow your- r Joshu: I added hastily, seeing by his expression that he was about to ‘raise an objection, “ the supper is on me—that is, the house pays for it.” ‘All right, my boy.” assented Brown, “if, by assuming the character of any nob whatsoever, I can get a good supper for nothing, I'm your huckleberry, but no corn- beef and cabbage in mine, you understand.” Same_ here,” seconded Gus. And the deal was made. Later, [ turned over to Chickenshaw a neat note of invitation. In good time Sir Joshua received the railroad man’s acceptance, and this being settled, I arranged a sweet little champagne supper to be served in one of the hote lors at nine. At the appointed hour the hotel clerk entered the room accom- pained by the purchasing agent whom he introduced to Sir Joshua Giblets with a side wink, which I caught hot from the bat, and withdr Brown greeted his guest with a fine air of dignity and cordiality mixed about half and half and then presented Mr.” Nibs and Mr. Lang, an esteemed American friend. Of Mr. Bounce I can truthfully say that I have rarely met a man who assumed to possess so great a stock of general knowledge, and who actualiy had go little. He proved arank snob withal, and was by all odds the worst gullible ignoramus that I ever came up with, He questioned us particularly abont British royalty and s lowed without winking the tremendous stiffs that were served him, **O. yes,” Brown replied to one of his questions, O am on hintimate terms with the Queen and ’er M close | much to be hable to tell my friend Vie friend of Lady Giblet’s, We ’avethe second flat in the Windsor while the Queen and ‘er family, you know, hocupy the first floor. Hat mostevery hafternoon Vic, as Lady Giblet’s familiarly calls her, come up to hour floor and sits with my wife by the hour darning stockings or working on ac: quilt while talking hover the news. of the neighborhood. Y ean ‘igh hopinion of Victoria, 3 my wife and me, She's a very hagreeable woman and a good ‘ousewife. M she can’t You should see ‘er. I often a-broilin W rown on the back of er sceptre tucked up under ’er harm and a big hapron pinned hover ‘er good clothes to keep ’em clean. Yes, she and my wife go hout to market together hevery morning. It’s most hinspirin’, let me tell you, to see the guard turn hout at the front gate when she comes by with a market basket on ’er harm full of butcher’s meat, the Land vin’ * God save the Queen ’ and the hoftic uting. She “as a level ’ead let me tell you. When she has finished the family washing of a Monday, she turns hout the hold troops to ‘ang up the clothes in the O!she’s a clever woman,” ‘To. this, and) much more e improbable, the railroad man listened with mouth and ears wide open. Presently Josh, per instruction, worked around to the subject of American rail- we his guest the extensive observa. we benefit of bh tions and some advice. I re- member among other suggestions that he particular stress y of ‘ates to t upon, ing reduced esmen, whom he cha veling racterized sa ithe “finest body of looking men T ‘ave hever seen in this lund orany hother.”” Finally he reached the sub, of railroad advertising and proceeded to praise in high terms the plan of distributing colored prints and lithographs among the stations and hotels of the country “This is a thing that “as not been done in Great. Britain hup to this time,” he said (but wheth- er he told the truth or not in this vard, [don’t know, nor neither »she). ‘Lave ‘owever given a horder to Mr. Lang, my friend ere, for 0 worth of litho; and am convinced that [am making for ‘The Midland ‘a most judicious pur- chase. "Ave the sdness, Mr. ¢ Grand Bounce inviting him to sup with Sir Joshua and a| Lang, to show Mr. Bounce the design on which I based my horder.” “Here it is, Sir Joshua,” I said, producing a picture which I had thoughtfully placed conveniently at hand. “Pat it in a good light, sir, please. Now,” Josh went on, “T'd like to call your attention to the many merits of this work of hart which you will perceive was gotten out for han American road but which is to be changed to suit the purposes of han Hing- lish line. re for hinstance where you sce the heagle swooping down on a bull-frog, hour picture is to show a lion scratching “1s hevr to dislodge a fl This is my hidea and [ think we shall produce a fine bit of realism. The king of beasts will be crowned, of cour Now, in the foreground where this buffalo stands on ‘is hoff ‘ind leg for the hevident purpose of heasing the bunions of ’is nigh ’oof, we shall work in a unicorn performing the “Ighland fling, which feature will please our Scotch friends greatly. “There will be hother charges, of course Mere, Mr. Bounce being somewhat affected by the large quantity of Mumm he had absorbed, stated that he was about placing for his company an order for just such a picture and would be glad to look at the work by daylight. Mr. Nibs,” Josh said, ‘fill Mr. Bounce’s glass. Yes, I think the picture will please you, my dear sir, and let_me say it will give me great pleasure to know that your grand railroad is to be advertised by practically the same work as *The Midl: ae ve rarely seen such good work, Mr. Bounce. Remark the color, the hatmosphere, the drawing, the breadth of the hexecution, par- ticularly between the tracks in the foreground, It will please me oria that your taste so far comicbooks.com