Judge — June 27, 1885 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. BUSTLE AND CONFUSION. Country Avst— J hape that you will excuse me, Violet, but I took the liberty of wearing your summer bonnet; it was so cool, you know.” Vioter— nidba, nd knives. The brother who had insisted that the stand should not go into bankruptey, prevailed. The two brothers wer onciled, and the stand had sumed and was now doing a better busi- lish Consulate was anxious to have the friendship and approval of these brothers, and reminded them that ‘* blood was thicker than water,” and that their sympathies onght to be with their kindred. The English Consulate and the brothers wore related in blood, but you had togo back two hundred years ago to find the kin- ship. ‘Two hundred years ago the distant ancestors of the brothers had been of kin to some of the people then living in England. The elder brother was descended from some simple and well-meaning people, the Salva- tion Army of their day, who were driven out of England in 1620, The younger brother was descended from the cavaliers who had followed Charles [., and who had been driven out of England by the English middle class. ‘I'he descendants of these ex- iles had acquired ancestors in many lands, so that now the two brothers had grand- fathers in almost every country in Europe. The kinship of the brothers to the English was now very faint, and two hundred years | ago the English had kicked the ancestors of the brothers out of England. Now, the Ri ‘onsulate had helped to keep the sausage stand going when it was threatened with b: and the elder brother said that he considered it a point of honor to give his sympathies to a consulate that had always been his friend rather than toavery distant kinsman, who had often becn his enemy and whose blood had been thinner than water in time of trial. The members of the Rnssian Conenlate became tired of being bullied by the English wd heavens, she's got on my bustle!” Consulate. ‘They sallied out one fine morn- ing, stepped over the chalk line as if it were not there, threw the pastry cook into the sea, set free the terrorized black at the foot of the back stairs, and licked the Italian all over the back yard. Every one in the building was glad that the pastry cook had been thrown out. Lilian's Tribulations. T have been helping my consin move, and I feel like a long drawn sigh! I used to think that the ‘first of May agonies”” were entircly imaginary; gotten up by the newspaper fanny man for the benefit of a long suffering public, but I know better now; since my Harlem ex- perience I am a sadder but a wiser girl. My cousin Daisy is as poor as a church- mouse—in fact, the mouse is decidedly better off—for two years ago, Daisy eloped with adrummer whose face was his fortune, was dropped by the family and has lived in a horrid little flat ever since, romantic, but uncomfortable. Last week she moved to another, equally horrid, and Jack and I helped her. Of course, it was very sweet of Jack, and I must say he was just lovely at first; said “if you please” and thank you,” and wouldn’t let me touch any of the heavy fur- niture; but after he had tripped over the itemlnider'twiesand T bed. dropped the icks on him three times, ‘a change came over the spirit of his dream,” and he was as cross asa bear! Talk about a mule, Jack is the most obstinate animal J ever met! Whenever we were moving a sofa or some- thing particularly heavy, he would stand and jargue till I thought my arms would drop loft! He goes in for athletics and swings, | ** please to take ¢ | let go, and when dumb-bells and Indian clubs, and things, every morning, so I suppose he didn't mind it, buthe might have had some considera- tion for me! However, I would die cheerfully any time before giving in, and [ should probably be holding my end of the sofa nor, if D adn’t come to the rescue and asked me re of the baby if I didn’t mind” IT did “ mind” very much, for be- side letting that exasperating Jack have his own way, I know next to nothing about babies However, Ididn’t like to shake Daisy’s confidence in me, so I said I'd be charmed. 1 even went so faras to murmur. | an unnecessary fib to the effect that I was so fond of children.” That lie rained me; never again will I try to be amiable and handle the truth carelessly, Daisy looked very much pleased and said that as a great favor she would let me give the little darling its bath. Asin adream—a dreadful nightmare—I watched her get everything ready, felt her pt a little white bundle in’ my lap and saw her leave the room, I stared at the baby and the baby back at me, it had big blue eyes and no hair worth mentioning. I suppose it was pretty; Daisy said it was, and she ought to know, I had hardly put it in the water when I heard Jack calling me and started to see what he wanted; before I reached the door there was a little splash and a subdued gasp from thetub, the poor little thing was so soapy that it had slid right under and it was almost drowned Lefore | could fish it out! I was terribly frightened—-so_ was the baby—but with great presence of mind I shook my head at it violently and said “ Kitchy-kitch inthe wild hope t it would think 1 playing some new sort of game. But that baby was wise in its generation and refused to be comforted, just held on to the sides of the tub and yelled at the top of its lungs! ‘To my utter despair it wouldn't 8 mother came rushing in I am sure she thought me an inhuman monster because I wasn’t soothing and petting it. All the rest of the d I worked like a beaver and was so meck that Jack didn’t know what to make of me; he says that if I keep on at this rate ‘* Moses will’ do well to look to his laurels!” by stared Where do all the Years Go? werage age of man is 32 yeurs, from which he deducted for sleep, work, eating and sickness, thirty-one years, leaving ‘‘ only one year to devote to the ser- vice of God.” This calculation is chiefly interesting as an illustration of how figures can lie beneath the rule of men entirely great at ing them. Brer Talma; knows well that of the 32 years, the ave man spends about 16 serving the devil. When does he do that, we'd like to know? Besides, there is no time allotted in the cal- culation for attending horse-races, Coney Island, the Brooklyn Tabernacle, theatres, and waiting a turn in the barber-shop, and a hundred other ways of wasting time. This calculation disputes the Bible allot- ment of three score and ten years. In general, we might concede that Brer Tul- mage is wiser than the word of God, but in acase where his arithmetic is so palpably wrong, we must doubt his superiority to Revelation. comicbooks.com