Judge — June 20, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Se eS a a SS Se LN apie Bugby & Roach, of St. Panl, are the largest house in their line in the Northwest. They can, in immense quantities, the athletic oyster, the musical crab, and the poetically pensive lobster, with which the headwaters of the Mississippi abound. Their yearly purchase of labels runs high, and their custom is therefore much to be desired and is worthy of the intelligent and per- sistent efforts of the label drummer. — Bugby, the buyer of the firm, is a good-natured fellow, level headed and even tempered; just one of the sort the boys like to tackle. jood afternoon, Mr. Bugby,” I said as I en- tered his office for the third time that day, “I view, you see. “Well, young man, I could submit to the de- privation with fortitude. The first time you called | I told you, I think, that we had labels enough on hand to last for the next two years. The next time you honored me, I stated that your prices were too high. Now, I have been a buyer for twenty years, and I feel justified in saying that those two reasons are all that the drummer can reasonably demand as a choke off. “* Pardon me, Mr. Bug- by, there is one more that Tamentitled to. Whether the buyer really wants the goods or not, he in- variably says ‘I don’t like your My ob- ject in calling the third time was to hear that venerable chestnut fall from your raby lips.” “Who am I, that I should depart from the time honored customs of commerce? I crave par- don. Your line is infe- tior, Mr. Lang, and I don’t like it.” { “Thank you kindly, sir. To be sure you haven’t done me the honor of looking at my sam- ples, nor have you heard a single quotation, but | that is, of course, immaterial. “Will you further | oblige me by the assurance that you would give | me a bill but that you don’t like my house, or that you would gladly do business with’ my people if | they were otherwise represented?” “Certainly, Mr. Lang. | Either or both the reasons prevent my transacting business with you. Have [ now said all? Are you satisfied?” “Yes, thank you, for the present, leave my grip here for a short time?” “You may.” “Good day, Mr. Bagby.” T sauntered out of the store, lit a cigarette, walked around the block and then dodged in in again, “ How are you, Mr. Bugby.” “Confound it all, young fellow,” he exclaimed, slightly irritated, '* What do you want this time?” “ My samples, sir. I don’t suppose you have run out of labels since my last call,” picking up my grip. “Young man, you have more cheek than a monkey with the mumps.” «And you won't let me open up the line?” “No, sir. I told you already three times that Can I THE JUDGE. ON THE ROAD. I wouldn’t look Now, get o me sin.” « All ight. but, by the way. you won't hav | you want to buy 4 “Well, I'libe sheoled! Young you make me tired. A at the stuff, t, and don’t bother “Not in a regular way, you | know, but I'd be glad to sell you something, and this dog you would find a great acquisi- | tion, He is a pure blooded animal, and hasn't a pimple or | boil on his person, He has | been in the possession of my house for many years, and is thorougly posted in the busi- ness, ‘This canine, Mr. Bug- by,” I said, putting down my grip and taking achair, “hap- | pened to stray into the drying | room of our factory at atime | when a lobster label was hung todryafter finishing. This, the identical label, Mr. Bugby opening my sample bool lobster, sir, gotten up ¢ ly by Bottom & Quince at great expense to be submitted to your inspection. My people pur- posed making this label for | your concern exclusively if you were pleased with it, and in- | structed me to show it to no other house. Please remark the work. In color and draw- ingitis perfect. A sure-enough lobster, as the dog I am telling you about discovered to his sorrow. Yes, sir, the dog came too near this label, uttered a horrible howl and lit out.” What was the matter with | | him—scared?” Patience and Veracity Have Their Reward. “No, sir. Got his tail bitten off.” “0, come now—” ‘act, Me, Bugby. He came down in the . both in langu and manne erable grief—a very perfect reproduction of you will admit, sir.” “Very good. So you want to sell me this tailless dog?” “Oh, no, he isn’t tailless now. You see the boys went back and got the tail and stuck it on ‘The adhesive material we use on our la- bels is so potent that we had no trouble in making repairs, and in ten minutes after treatment that dog was wagging his appendage in a joyous and grateful manner as yas before,” “Well, Mr. 1 I think I must have a few of those labels after that remarkable dog story.” “Thank you. I'll tel- egraph for a hundred thousand by half rate to- night. Now, look at this oyster label, please—” O, shut up, indeed. Your gab would driv ter todrink.” “ Maybe you don’t be- lieve an oyster get drunk?” “Not much. Idon’t.” “Seehere, |My father had a barrel of cider sent him one time, and he had it put in the cellar, We don’t drink much ciderat home, and so the barrel lay there for a long time forgotten. Well, the Governor sent some oy- sters inthe shell home one day, and to keep them cool they were put in the cellar alongside the r. Thatevening T lit the candle and went down to get the bivalves, which we purposed hav- ing roasted. You proba- bly won't believe it, but for a fact I found those ers flopping their shells about in the most Oysters idiotic fashion and singing at the top of their Inngs ‘We won't go home ’til morning.’ The cider had got you see, and the barrel had burst and the oysters really took more stuff than they were accustomed to. — 1 watched the inebri- ates for some little time with great interest. One venerable old chap was doing his prettiest to stand on his } Another was trying to see how high he could kick. One lively chap was attempting to kiss a giddy young-lady oyster who strug gled violently and shrieked wildly O, it was a pic-nic, There was a red-nosed fellow—” “That's enough, Lang. I capitulate. Put me down for two-hundred thousand of the oyster labels, Ship by freight and make the terms 30 days 4 months off.” L, L, LANG. A YELLOW TRIO. One summer day a yellow dog Born of a yellow mother, lie was yellow, too, Dodged something yellow—but in vain! Then didn't this fellow yell-Ohy comicbooks.com