Judge — May 30, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ADVICE You are, If you were to be 5 fro in ugon an, the culmination of all that 1s admirable. I from your place, men would run to and the world would come to adead stop in its revolution, high seats and the whole universe would be in n. You are the most ble, most most indispensible young man now living. — So are all young men. It is a common state of things. You are the mirac- ulously smart young man who isto burst upon the world like a meteor and paralyze it by your splender. Oh, yes! We have all —in our imagination, At present you are probably working ten hoursa day fora moderate 2 but this of course, is only a temporary condescension, and it is hardly worth your while to try to perfect yourself in your present occupation, because you will not need any such menial handicraft when you have become great. ‘Therefore, do your work in aroyally disdainful manner, le your employer see you were de- signed for better things pleases an employer more than this spirit, or more strely paves the way to advancement your income may not at present be princely it is best to dress in the height of style ause you will thus know how to wear good clothes naturally when you become rich and famous. I have seen some splendid two-legged specimens of tailor’s work who would »mpared favorably, sartorially speaking, with some million- nd this, too, although they were not receiving a salary of than fifteen dollar: When we consider how close! young man must spend his income and how many sacrifices his parents must make to enable him to array himself thus gorgeous- ly, we ean see at a glance how heroic is his spirit and how divine is his ambition. As you value your life, never be seen in public with anything about you which could lead folks to suspect that you were a trade: man or a mechanic A good workman is always ashamed of his work. I have known a young man so lost to all sense of propriety as to walk down the street in a pair of overalls. Words are too weak! Such a degrade t to be exterminated. How he be so blinded as not to fe superiority of a black-coated, led, oil-scented, cheap-jewelled young blood who smokes ‘ent cigar and twirls a natty little cane an says, “* Aw,” You have another important function in life, which, for the most part, Fam glad to say, you nobly fulfil. — I refer to the voca- tion of loafing. me loaf et the doors of charches and public halls, and spit tobacco juice where the ladies are going to walk, and when the ladies appear, pass them incritical review, making audible and pun- gent comments, such us cannot fail of pleasing the objects of them; some gather in clubs under various names to cooperate in loafing: some adorn street corners and the steps of stores. Of all noble sights in this fair world, the noblest is an able-bodied young man exalted upon a dry-goods box, his hat tipped back and his hands in his pockets, Whiling away the sunny hours in ogling the women who pass, in spitting tobacco juice and in retailing smutty stories to group of appreciative listeners. One feels intuitively that this young man 1s asserting his divine prerogatives above the brute; for no brute would relish the idleness, the tobacco or the story. Of course, you will drain the social glass upon occasion, and I need only mention in passing that the more you drink the better it is for you. THE JUDGE. There is one thing which you cannot too firmly impress upon your mind, and that is your attractiveness in the eyes of the opposite sex. How delightful it is to hear a young man boast that he can “mash” any girl in creation! It is like the sound of some great, deep-toned instrument, which speaks of grandeur and power and solemnity; and then, it gratifies a young lady beyond all power of expression to hear it. She feels that there is a young man who knows what is what, and she experiences an unspeakable longing to become the humblest object of his regard. (Suppose, my dear young friend, that you knew that clear-eyed, pure-minded, sensible’ girl's candid opinion of you!—But let ‘that pass.) Cherish this belief fondly, young man. It istrue. You are the central object of admiration to all women that see you. The nicest girls all yearn for your affection, You must treat them with a consciously-potent, benevolent ietary air, and everything will fall before you. Go ont is assured. If you can get a little smattering of cheap intidelity, it will be vastly profitable, for infidels have always becn noted for their noble lives and lofty aims. Choose their career, therefore, rather than the Christian uprightness of your father or the trustful picty of your mother, and you may be sure that your future will contain many hours of delightful reflection TI have known persons who four vaste pleasure in Zola and Paul de Kock who nevertheless thought that Bible was not pure enough to be profitable reading. It scems as if any being less than a demi-god would stagger under the weight of such a brain as that! J love to hear a young man ranting about the impurity of the Bible and the foibles of religious folk, because I know in amoment that such a young man is himself vastly purer than the book he derides and that he is living a life so noble and self-sacritic- ing that it would make a saint blush with self-reproach, uch young men are the grains of salt which keep this poor world swect. If it had not been for their efforts, Christians would have ruined it long ago. “Like the Rest of us.’ ‘Tue delegation of Mormons who went to complain to President and got but cold comfort. ‘They represented — to over that the Edmonds Bill, peral U.S. statute, was a dead etter everywhere but in Utah; and they asked that peop! S. territory be treated alike when they break this law a: lawful cohabitation. They wanted ‘t put down everywhere whe: The President could not give them much hope for putting to this thing anywhere but in Utah, and he closed the inters read, thus: ‘The President’s face broke into 3h cluded: *1 wish you out there could be like the rest of us.’ The correspondent neglected to note the pleasant wink of the President. Inthe name of Eastern Democracy and society we thank the President for thus checking the unprincipled efforts of the Mormon delegation to revive election scandals, ‘The best thing the M’scan do is to take to cultivating the code of morals of Brer Beecher, Mr. Curtis aud the Evening Post, and learn that‘ unlawful cohabita- tion is not inconsistent with the highest public virtue Do these impertinent Mormons suppose this adtiustration will tolerate men who actually and shamelessly marry the various women they consort with and support their resultant olfepring. Let them cast forth their wives, send their children to turn civil service reformers and ‘* like the rest of u Democratic administration, if they want justice; yea, showered upon them. stop + we con- ylums, in this want honors A DANGEROUS CROSSING: Wire— Do you think you can catch the train?” comicbooks.com