Judge — May 16, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ta a proper up of b Hand high If [could I'd make them climbing To the sky Matters not if they are sound— Vr But economize the ground! I'm an architect profound, mT, am It lings tall and bi to the s' A BUDDENSIECKIAN BRAY. DUVVA, I'm a jolly dog and care not for the court, For the eourt AL its accusations singular I snort, I snort bold death-trap ce I'm a public benefact I'ma bs Finest sort, Finest sort, ler’s rights exactor— Off the Bench. A Fam exchange—The Wo- Journal, — Anothe matrimonial brokerage of man’s Ix Patagonia they fine a man two goats for In this way he is like his bread and butter, Tne pulpit shoo! when it thunders against pro- gressive euchre. It is not nearly so oxpensive, and hence not 80 uctive a game as retrogressive poker. Spiritualists write on —[ Waterloo Ob- On Fool’s cap, Herald. “Do rappin, —| Norristown Mediuin, A TRADES-UNION paper an- now “the girls’ strike ne toan end.” This will be 1d news to the bos girls strike for ic Coney Island. Cannon, the Mormon, has been convicted for cohabiting ith “three different women. Thousands of Gentiles, alarmed at such a precedent in law, will be anxious to have Cannon dis- s said there is a post-office in this state that is kept in an undertaker’s shop. The post- master must think he Kept the dead letter office. This coinci- dence ought to have occurred at Grave’send. And it did. Tue Pall Mall Gazette says that Matthew Arnold now preparing for another visit to this country, and that m he will do ho literary wor! doesn’t have to, if he is here to for ‘WHENEVER you find a man reading Bob Ingersoll,” says Frances E. Willard, ** he will be sure to have a glass of beer in his hand.” The lady is equally well informed on beer and Inger- soll. She does not seem to be aware that a regular atheist usually drinks molten sulphur straight. He ma ve beer or whiskey to his babes, but noth- ing weaker than aqua fortis will do for him. killing his | No. | has whom the | cream and | IMPRESSIONS OF A VARIETY SHOW. Good Deeds Pay Sometimes. A Story that was put afloat by a reckless New York help out an imaginative and impecunious * space-writer,’ le many confiding souls. The story was to the effect that a New Yorker put up ata popular hotel at’ Old Point Comfort, ar when, after a months s' he called for his bill, the proprietor sud- denly’ and mysteriously materialized, and rejecting the guest’s prof- ferred mort n his Fifth Avenue property, delivered himself of aspeech in good ‘newspaper English” to the effect that 30 | veare before he, tho Bouitace, be driver of an express w in New York, and had mas for the guest, then a wholesale druggist. stood the loss him- self and let the driver off. The hotel man concluded, ‘1am mak- y anything under my roof.” y, and you can’t p: man in Pough read He had heard that a retired sleeping was keeping a hotel in Florida. “Twentee ers, porter had lost a grip for this man by leaving his locker open all night, and when Mr. Pullman ordered the porter to pay the & enger demanded, the latter forgave him the debt; porter been on the road only a month and had not yet accumulated so much. s soon as he saw this Com- forting Old Point article, he started for Florida and put up at the hotel. But instead of its working as in the fable, the ex-porter took the second grip from the man for his bill, and ex-ported him from the house, The same racket was tried on a retired plumber, who, when apprentice long ago, had been the cause of an’ explosion in man’s house. ‘The plumber had left his work to converse with the cook and the escaping gas ignited. Instead of mulcting the Plamberiand discharging the cook, the man gave them both his plessing and let it go. The whilom apprentice, now high in office, incontinently fired this man out when reminded of the incident and | asked to give him a soft snap. aper to is mis- ‘The inspectors all and I are jolly friends, Jolly frien If they chance to see ah M From the MW their Cash an Cash ame Briefs Submitted. ‘Talking about legacie: cold day when we get left thin, it isa any- A maid 1 young Jady who gle and who will be won if she marries, The western Miss Hill: was in for shi this world a divorcee from his I never ser rving a ter Jones got wife aterm gant. gain at 8 HMand-writing is no index to character, We hold notes writ- ten in every style, and the writers are all bad men, * Like breeds like,” gles don’t think it. young lady ever likes him ever so bad. vi itis nothing morc ral, the higher you ‘ome men to get, the more they will look down on you. A. forcigne’ has lately be more and j letters up Vincez, He winds his with /n hoe, Signor When a man wants to Le good, but is prevented by the force of circumstances, it simply means that his intention cumbs to the out-tension. A) tered, g ence meeti Lord is my shey but seriot and yland deacon, who stut- up in a recent experi- nd began, “The ep-pep-peperd,” ly disturbed the flock at down We think it just as proper for this modern husband to tell just how his mother dl to cor th 18 it is for the modern wife to throw up how er mother used to cook things. could made a bet that he and sit with the pretty F ‘lady further up the car, Drummer. iss, hay Du any obj ctions to my taking this ady—** None in the least u will take it out into the s i his here hoe doesn’t seem to work well at all, I guess the blade must be E * on. T thi it is the fault of the young bl at the other end of the hoe.” ——— comicbooks.com