Judge — May 9, 1885 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

GE, THE JUD No Post-Mortem Taffy. A surrogate in New Hamshire has re- fused to probate a will because the testator, J. F. Twiss, left a fund to pay for a brass bard at his funeral and for peanuts and caramels for the mourners. ‘The surrogate thought it an insult to the legal profession to squander on these frivolities the money that good rights should go to the lawyers. SUBTRACTION. ONE PROM TWO LEAVES OFF THE BENCH. oLUMBIA— My Central America sister ng badly. I've Guatamala, I fear.” Som readers files. without a file is worse than a chestnut. of our funny exchanges offer their A. joke that can’t be opened Partt has sailed. Now let timorous cay tal come forth from its hiding, and tra revive. removed, and the boom may begin. ‘Te most powerful writer for the press is the largest advertiser, his chef d’ @uvre is his largest check, and his contribution large- shapes the policy of the paper.” Bismanck’s head cook, Herr Eye, has been decorated. lappy Germany! Whatever ails her premier, she knows its all in Herr Eye. [VParagraphists get onto this optic. } THe cLe an ide GY seem to have caught on to that rollers were invented to recon- cile young people to going toa place where the impossibility of ice is no bar to skating. AN interesting circumstance is narrated by a Connecticut paper as attendin, death of a lady’s ‘‘ two first husban: this acase of Yankee female enterprise, or of bigamy? Tuose literary men who have such a pus- sion for writing down Edgar A. Poe—and there are too many of these imitators of the ghoul, Griswold—ought to reside at Rama- poe. A READER wants to know ‘ what is the outlook for Buddensick now.” We don’t know, now, but we can tell what it probably will be before long. It will probably be a checkered one. ‘The cause of financial depression is | An Easy One. | | A Dakota editor thinks he has knocked | out the woman suffrage movement by asking | how women will work out their road taxes if they are allowed to vote. ‘They will not. They'll do just as the dear creatures who own property do all the time—dodge, just as | the rich men do. If women are not smart | enough for that they oughtn’t to vote. ONE, A Race for Herat. | Such is the interest in the Afghanistan | question that The Race for Herat is enacted | most any day in the lower part of this city | by rising young statesmen and actors. ven | the dogs along the docks take a lively inter- est in the race. | The only Excuse for the Sentence. Joux Unison, acrippled canal boat cap- ain who had been Woe) by a New York dock at the mob from the door of his cabin and killed one of them, He was convicted before. Judge Stern. When the Judge reached home he said to his wife: id the wife. « Certainly; he only killed one.” Funeral Customs. When a Frenchman meets a funeral, he uncovers his head. In Ireland, if a vehicle coming from the opposite direction meets a funeral, the eti- quette is for the driver to turn and go a few rods with the procession. Formerly it wa considered a graceful uct of honor to the dead for bystanders to join in a mourning wail, as the hearse passed by, | In New York the bystanders show their respect for the dead by climbing on the hearse, and their sympathy for the bereaved by catching on behind their carria; Th | testify their grief at the cemetery by joining in the mourning wails and casting tributes on the coffin in the shape of cabbage stumps and brick bats. On the homeward journey, undertaker, hackmen, and mourners stop at acorner and pour out libations of lager to the departed. Grief levels all distinctions. | The wealthiest undertaker, the most opulent | hackmen, will not decline to thus mingle his grief with the lowliest mourner’s, | | Tne peaters who ship American oysters to Queen Victoria, sandpaper and polish the shells. They scem to think the Lion eats them shells and all, or that the Queen uses the shells for bric-a-brac. | chord in this countr: FOUR AND OSE AE | effort to revive ‘I | One afraid Bad Enough to be American | TeNNyson’s outburst of alleged poetry on the sh navy strikes sympathetic — || y enune! the sham navy of Britain reads marvelously like a bad versification of the efforts of able American editors to repair our navy, and his poctry sounds exactly like the spring-inspired muse of able-bodied American ve . ADDITION. FIVE Hands off the Calves. igilant raiders for bob veal must not amuistake and go for the thin calves the rinks supply, because the skirts flambe ont around them are bobbed, — Nor will the it the bob reveals the entertainment as exceeding fresh be allow Our Moribund Journals. 0 Western Journalist We regret to reply that there is no sign of movement on the Dial, even on tick, and no promising ruth. | The respective prow | prietors of the World and the Tribune are king considerable interest in’ the latter, ch guaranteeing the other large sums of money if he will attach himself to ‘Truth in connection with circulation and advertising. Both fight shy of the alliance, nevertheless. nil the other dassent,” perhaps. Building Notes. It’s preposterous that builders cannot find sand to put in their mortar. Grocers have no such trouble in making their sugar more binding—on consume Buddensick might have used sugar in his mortar, if he couldn't find clear sand. Sugar is cheap, except the kind that builders sup- ply to inspectors. Contractors over-do their work, The buildings contract too much and too spon- taneously. You'd think these buildings were put up by longshoremen instead of masons, by their props. A contractor is too propper a man. Motto for Buddensiek’s coat-of-arms; Post hoc, eryo propped her hoc. The poor people who live in them are the main guys of these tumble-down tenements and their builders, The Buddensieks and the army of inspec- tors are destined to a residence to which tire- escapes are not attached, A builder's defence is that his work is all out of plumb because the inspectors take all the plum out of him. Of all the rows of flats in the city some of Buddensiek’s are the flattest. comicbooks.com