Judge — May 9, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OFF THE BENCH. SomerutnG fresh in corsets—a dude. A DRAMATIC cerine. composition — nitro-gly- ‘STRAINED RELATIONS” —some of the al- leged funny stori Anovt the meanest trick ever played on unsuspecting childhood is Arbor I What Lillian Knows of Base-ball. We What a man can see in bas I never want to look at the horrid game I spent last w Dyke ntry pl ball, lessly consented to help her out. There were four other girls in the house, and we divided our-| selves into two nines of three each, Miss Van Dyke said she knew all about the game, she had seen her brothers play very often, and you had to have a catcher ‘and a pitcher and I forget what she called the other—chaser T think,—any ou had to run like mad every five minutes. I know, because they pnt me there first, until they found that I couldn't run so, to save my soul; [should like to see any one gallop wildly over the ground with a pull- back and French heels: It is a physical impossibil- ity. After I had proved that to every one’s satis- faction they made me change off with the batter. This was comparatively easy, for beyond grasping the bat convulsively every time I saw the pitcher move, I had really notaing to do, as the ball never came any where near me. peared quite content to strike the ground and a series of joyous little leaps to hide among the bushes, (when we had to stop the game, grovel around on all fours and poke it out with Jack’s cane) it soon became more the highest tree envy to the eyes of an African monkey. There was ‘a certain amount of monotony in this amusement, ting all the schools to set trees to grow future switches, Tar JuvGe doesn’t believe in giving a bad Fish another trial. You must employ a tutor if you want to secure a hire education. Snip, Snap and away it went. If Snap was 80 soon to be done for it’s a wonder what it was begun for. One of the leading soloists of Thomas's orchestra troupe traveling is Miss A pointer to her audiences. k in the wilds of New Je ‘ nd in an evil hourshe propo Thadn’t the faintest notion how it was played, but I reck- | at me. with an ease and celerity that would bring tears of THE JUDGE. Tuose fraudulent solicitors of contribu- tions to the pedestal fund perpetrate a base swindle, Tuk street sign-perambulator is “sassiest ” man! Ile talk. the gives everybody A sew horror has been added to border warfare, When the Indians and Half Breeds under Riel captured Frog Lake, they “ com: that and off alled, to pi yon re beyond me if a tation in fuct—and a Miss Lagame of bas He settled bounding off in| the wrath to the That time, and benefit. ambitious, and scaled brother of pelled all the people to attend church to- | gethe Was this the prompting of the fiendish Fenian we read. THE pune, too, hath hisdefender. oft ’em—outside and inside. Ir any man attempts to haul down the signal service flag and predict the weather, take him to a storm center and shoot him on the spot. Some one says he has a side. Yea, two of THE REASON why the ras lashed naked throngh the World oftener is possibly because the management is lashed to some who can least bear the exposure. come. had let me ma T shall nerer speak to Jack again as loi s do not get | Tt MAN who thinks he can communic freely ate by telephone, is laboring under a halloosination. Tne carly-closing movement should be applied to talkers and singers, as well as to business houses. He is hypercriti TaLMvGe: preaches against clubs. al. ‘The spades and red as much a part of the pack as the pr suites ar und we were quite relieved when Jack strolled up oh for t Jack is simply immet in the athletic line—has quite a repa- little wave of enthusiasm rippled over all the Van girls when he joined us. down to busines ‘This was so unlike anything that had hap it completely unnerved meand I just dropped the bat and rar If T hadn't taken that precaution, i at once and sent the ball straight ned before that should not be pT Jack hateful about it (a little way brothers have) he nettled me so th determined to succeed * die in the attempt tried it in. too horrid for Three times through the motions with- out letting go of the ball, and he made me so nerv- ous that when it did come towards me, I entirely lost my presence of mind, flung the bat at it with all my might, and then stood ‘still—petrified with horror! If you could have seen the havoc that bat = created! It almost brained Miss Van Dyke, who was im- prudent enough to stand hear me, neatly beheaded a marble statue for which Mr. Van Dyke had spent a fabulous sums and finally landed on Jack’s favorite dog! or nything. i 'Thst settled it. When It’s motto seemed to be “ Excelsior,” for though at first it ap-| I heard Bruno howl I knew it was all up with me and I fled from . On the piazza 1 found three of Jack’s friends—Columbia College men—so doubled up with mirth that couldn't even bow t me! mine had known they were there all the ea circus of myself for their especial I live. {clubs, and the acrobatic divine—or the divine acrobat—need not let on that he does not know it. Tue grocers say there is danger of a pepper famine, We had not heard that there was any scarcity of cocoa-nut husks. Sarcastic things are sometimes said by New Yorkers about Philadelphia, but when it comes to genuine wit Philadelphia has the Call, From THE row he makes over them you'd think that Bachelor’s Buttons were all chol- jer buttons, They make him blue, neces- | sarily. - = 7 = comicbooks.com