Judge — May 2, 1885 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK, TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. (Usrrep Starrs ax Cavapa) Aix 1 .for THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY, 924, $26 and 328 Pearl St., NEW YORK. TO CORRESPONDENTS AND CONTRIBUTER: rerconn SExp Mea FONDENTS WILL PLEASE TAKE NOTICE THAT THEY At THe OWN aus, Wh MATTER, « WHERE A PRICE I SOT AYVIXED. TEST CLADE FOR REMCSFRATION WILL RE ENTERTAINED WHERE NO SCAPEGOAT. Ip one scampish builder is punished, th the end of the effort to protect life in New York mud-palaces? Buddensiek is only one representative of a class for the existence and prosperity of whom the city authorities are responsible. ‘The city pays an army of inspectors to prevent these abuses. Buddensiek’s character as a builder was well known to the Department long ago, and they continued to issue to him permits to construct more death-traps. He has a plea in abatement that the city had licensed him to kill; or, at least, that the chief inspector is an accessory before the fact for the crime for which he has been indicted. What is wanted is to sentence the whole army of inspectors to a long term of residence in one of Buddensiek’s worst buildings. This might deter other mud-fiends, Making a scape-goat of one of them certainly will not. The work will go on serenely hereafter, and we shall have more illustrations of how not to inspect buildings. LES ENFANTS PERDUS. One more victory like that of last Novem- ber would ruin the Democratic party. The result did not even ‘‘ pat a berren sceptrein their gripe.” After all their years of weary journeying in the wilderness, subsisting between the reminiscence of Egyptian flesh- pots and the dim hope of the spoils of the Philistines, they are stopped in full view of the Promised Land by the restraining hand of their own Moses. They are out of manna THE JUDGE. and quail, “very hun Moses refuses to smite the rock of the ‘Treasury. he forbids them to go upand enjoy the milk and honey in which the Gen- tiles are revelling before their very ey Sundry sins of their wanderings in connection with a golden calf, and infidelity to the faith of their fathers and the constitution, and smashing the tables of the union have yet to be atoned for. The: the promised land and enjoy the spoils with- out much purging and cleaning and repent- ance in dust and ashes. The wicked uncle who has succeeded to their patrimony has left them to starve, and they rise on their toes and howl. Shall there be a rescuer, or must the Democracy perish there and be covered with leaves of oblivion by the kind little Republican birds! Quien sabe? and thirsty,” and STAMPS FIGHT. Tuts gold-and-silver age has translated Bonaparte’s mof into: “ Providence always Ina favors the heaviest bank-account.”” set-to between two nations, one ing plenty of money but little muscle, and the other plenty of fighting quality but no money, the issue is as sure as time. Stamps fight as well as talk with the most money is bound to win. The longest purse gets the international persim- mon: British bnll-dog tenacity that never lets go, and never knows t could come only from an i bottomless bank account, trust in the it is whipped, piding faith in a nd an incidental jod of Nations, They may break the hollow square, but they can’t bres the “Old Lady of Threadneedle Street ;” she is not hollow. British prestige consists in always paying cash, and three sublime princi- ples have placed Britannia at the head of Christendom: L, s. d. No other people takes such chances as the Anglo-Saxon. seeming English and rules it; the other 99 1-2 per cent of the power is pounds sterling. ‘The United States, without army or navy, is safe, respected, and feared among nations, since she has paid off her national debt and piled up national wealth beyond all the previous dreams of national avarice. ‘The money-maker is the conqueror. Na- tions grow prophetic, and count the cost of Those nations that can afford the can discount war. most of this expensive luxury conquest and avert war. Thus a cheque checkmates in the game of nations, and the “jingling of the guinea heals the wound that honor feels.” “ Gold right, weighs up all the other forces; even iron yields to the more ductile metal.” John Bull, from his lofty height, smile son impe- cunious Muscle. peace, he can do better. THe can buy one. are not fit to enter | nd in the end the combatant One half of one per cent of the population of India is in the end, unsanctioned by divine If he cannot conquer a RULINGS. Is SILVER?” to cut of | PEECH bugs” want industry? Do the gold America’s chief PLesty of billing and cooing now-a-days between the administration and the cullahd voter. ‘The Democrats would like to go ‘Through the Dark Incontinent. To catt such blundering selections as Ministers Phelps, Pendleton, Jackson, Keil- ly and Lawton “diplomatic appointments” | is about as neat irony as any funny man can | forge. A May is applying for the collectorship of Bangor, Me., who is a manufacturer of ex- tension ladders. If there is one man more than another whom the President wants to | keep clear of, it is an extension-ladder man. Secretary Bayanp is said to be a capi- tal amateur boxer. He knocked Pendleton out (of the presidential ring) at the first round, and we shall be surprized if he do not prove champion of the light weights in A New York Democrat says that Mr. Cleveland looks like a bar-tender and he seems always ready to say, ‘‘ Gentlemen, what will you have?” The wish is father to the thought. Alack! heonly seems about to say it. Harrison, the boy-preacher, has been laboring in the city of which Carter Harr’ son is mayor. Though the former has made several ten-strikes in the ranks of sin there— converted a plumber, for one thing—the devil is long odds abead in Chicago. Harrassin Tue reckLess Republican press criticizes the Jeffersonian simplicity of Secretary Whitney’s wife, because she puts a coat of arms on her cards, ‘Tne Jun overrules this complaint. When Mr. Whitney puts on the coat of Secretary of War, it is proper for Mra. Whitney to put on a coat of arme. AccorbING to the computation of a Ger- man histologist (i. e. an expert at histing in beer) the human brain is renewed once in sixty days. On the fourth of May, then, all Democrats are changed, and perhaps into Cleveland men, But, hold on! that’s no the German’s theory presupposes Wuat is the use of any more revised edi- tions of the Holy Scriptures? What such average citizens as the Chicago editor and the whole Democratic party want is an expurgated edition. Such offensive texts as | “all liars shall have their part in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone,” ¢¢ cetera, are what makes the complete work unpop- | ular. comicbooks.com