Judge — April 18, 1885 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. P Gus 0s of Sor PAST MEMORIES. My tho + how they drift to the days of my mall When bright: vi view And oft I repent to think of my proneness In leaving the haunts that my infancy knew s ascending with ardor I'd Many times have T rode in that bottomless wagon, The steeds once so fiery with a clothestine I'd Clung on to the saw-buck we all sat astride ‘The iron-bound swill-tub that stood near the door- Oft have I dived in that bottomless treasure In search of my hat that had sank out of sight The dirt covered schoolhouse that stond near the Dirch tree In my dreams ‘Tis the last d: telling The price of each garment of store-clothes they | wore. * teachin,” and the » Fleet-footed child-hood, where dost thon vanish? ‘The scenes we so cherish Time h from our | view, | in the morn which obscured the scare: crow That stood in the fields ** Like the that my infancy knew." — | —It is indeed hard times. Eastern milli- | ners claim that their profits have been cut down to about 300 per cent.—[Free Press, | FA STEAM os ha eR on The New Opera “House, Is now open for the coming scason, and the coming Man is expected, also the coming Woman—unless they are babes in arms. Complimentaries, accompanied with the cash, taken at the door. Ladies, who are only half fair, admitted at such rates upon proving the same. Persons leaving during a play requested to remove their boots before starting. Representatives of the House of Usher, in this house ‘ge nothing for an ush. Young men not admitted into the Family Circle, unless eligible as sons-in-law. Young dudes must be accompanied by their non Girls who giggle all the time, will be promptly chloroformed. No comedies allowed off the stage, and if any young man and young woman _ persist in love-making scenes, they will be invited behind the same. If families are worth ten dollars a box, they will be furnished the box. Anybody dissatisfied with the show will have his ticket returned at the door. Anyone talking when it is not his put in, will be put out. Ladies with high bonnets will put them on the chairs and sit down on them, or the managers will sit down on them anyhow. Late lamented gentlemen should preserve a dead silence upon coming in. Deaf aud dumb people not allowed to talk with their fingers above a whisper. Cross-eyed people, who see the show twice, will be charged double. All windows open outward, in case of fire and talking in the audience. Men, who Jn funny scenes throw their heads back and plaster their laughs st the ceiling, will be held responsible for their removal of the latter; the ma ment will attend to the same duty for the former. Everybody will be entitled toa front seat if he is not behind-hand. Condensed brandy-drops for sale at the re, to prevent wear and tear of stair carpet. Nowed to draw his ears straight out and obscure the stage to those behind. You n requested to show moreatten- tion to the girls on the fe than to th by their sid while they have the chane they should see all they of the former. Husbands with carriages, can be ordered at 11 o’clock, by telephone. A.W. BELLAW, Not Fitted for College. In all the talk of edu one has proposed any dietary regimen ‘and physical deseipline which shall so reinforce the mental constitution that an ordinary intellect can survive a college course. Athleties only avoid the test—proceding, evidently,on the idea of Johnny's composition that pi “by not swollerin’ ov ’em.” It is possible that a psychological matriculation test can be applied, so as not to expose any but the most rugged intellects to the perils of a college curriculum. comicbooks.com