Judge — April 11, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. THE MANITOBA REBELLION, GENIUS, “TD kNow no such thing as ge jus is noth ing but labor and diligence -W. Megarth The stnall boy pushing marbles, playing ball or flying kite The tom-cat chasi dlead of ni; nbeams o'er the fence at Th 1 man sh by the world un known, Each is diligent in nized ? is their“ genius” recog Submitted. Briefs ‘Tue gathering darkness must come head at day-break. tow The A pedestrian asks; “What is the quickest “hundred? ever made?” A gambler tells us the quickest hundred he ever made was on eat Eastern, ** Long” on stocks, “Brides now go to the altar without gloves.” This enables the newly married Couple to save up the price of a pair of “kids,” and is good economy. The following personal appears in an ex- change; ** We regret to hear that Prof. Jones has been suffering from amatism in a recent epistle.” Very xnownr.”) } Preside: Router— ‘There’s a Garland for thee. Quite a number of prominent Democrats celebrated their berth-day on the 4th of March. Mr. Sullivan never had pretensions orator, but some of his gestures, they We ofted speak of a Presidential eampaign as a great bore, yet all of us would be willing to have the canyas- Our American Bayard may be a che sans peur, but if he is a true Delawarean, it is not likely that he is sans peche. Now our Democratic statesmen are find- ing out the difference there is between actu- t Cleveland to persecuted Star | THE WARK SPIRIT IN CANADA, ally driving a mule team yourself, and sit- ting on the fence halloing advice to the driver and cursing him for not taking it. Cleveland inaugarated March 4th, new styl he old style was to in- augurate a Republican President. It remains to be seen whether Gladstone ol sueceed any better with Roseberry in his Cabinet than he did with rosewater. The N. Y. County Democrat “don't give achaw whether Grover eats with his knife, so long as he drinks with his friends.” “The Pittsburger who willed Cleveland 000 and then died insolvent, meant well, no doubt, but in this case the will was better than the deed, A figure-h 1 like Gentleman Bayard may do well enough for the State Departm but the Treasury Department should hay good head for figures If John Bull will consult his Uncle Sam before actually calling out the militia, the old mun can tell him that there are many cheaper ways of giving aid and comfort to the enemy. Brother St. John is clear that Cleveland, like all the rest of the: back on the temperance folk; Putting this notorious fellow Whitney in’ the Cabinet— the man that invented a new drink and called it cotton gin. | Man is philosophy of the trans| politicians, has gone what he eats” says the new We gratuitously advise some irent fools who are laboriously | throwir rkness on the silver question to retire to the alkali deserts of Nevada and browse on sage brush for # season or two. The new Secretary of the Interior ought to appoint his friend Mr. Jefferson Davis Com- missioner of Agriculture. As an expert in distributing the seeds of rebellion, sowing dragons’ teeth, reaping the whirlwind, ra ing Cain, threshing straw, and guiding the | ploughshare of destruction, none is worthy | to hold a candle for latching the shoes of the famous Mississippi farmer. ‘Tie Jevae is able to lay before its readers, j in advance of all its pany contemporaries, the secret of the new manufacture of water gas. | It is done by mixing the original plant with nt, | | heir to my property, Mr. Smithers. NOT A LAWYER'S BRIEP. ye ARCHIMALD. Ose day an aged millionaire, Fell most extremely ill, With mournful air his mournful heirs, They begged he'd make his will Anil sweetly acquiescent, he Despatched for Mr. Wright, To write the document, and then Expired that very night His kin, with sighs of wondrous size Remarked that life is brief, And vied with on Displaying vi'le And when the last With one accord th To hear the proper pe His latest testament ntes were o'er, went n read The ready lawyer read aloud The different bequests, Whi arious feclings swelled Within the listeners’ breasts. And some very ved with energy » break that unjust will, And some resolved with equal zeal Its wishes to fulfil, So those who held the will was right Secured Lawyer Nab, the opposed, the service of he smart attorney, Grab; And now the poor afflicted ones Plunged into legal strife, No longer shed their tears for dea But let them flow for life. To tell you how the quarrel grew Iwi ‘The poetry of pros and cons Is tedious and dry I know they argued high The usual ¢ y 11 the cases cited that Were ever tried before. not even try; Time passed, and the With still incre Until the latest Ii Was bowed with ca “Till Death, with co contestants strove Allowin, Defendants no defe plaintiffs no 9 Also at last the lawyers died, And, with ndertaker gravely “Lie here and try my solemn face, And thus I close my simple tale, With which I'd be content, Could [bat tell—what no He knows— Which way the money weut Dietary Eccentrics. Wuew Mrs. Innocence read an account of a pugilist ‘throwing up the sponge,” she exclaimed; ‘* What a morbid appetite he must have had toeat a sponge. Now there’s Araminta, always a-chewin slate pencils nd starch, an’ eatin’ gum between meals.” **So you want my da Smithers? I suppose ghter’s hand, Mr. you desire to be sole Just so, Mr, Smithers, and right here I will proceed to make you the heir to my sole, Mr. Smith- crs.” Tt was a sole-felt gift, and the young | | water in proportion of three or four to one. | man hastened to leave with a will. comicbooks.com