Judge — March 28, 1885 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“ Nicaragua.” RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED TO CAPTAIN PIM. Near a hundred learned men Inspected me time and again, Cut in fancy out of me A channel reaching to the sea, Red tape bounded every plan, And it fettered every man, Go it now, Pim, if you can, Use persuasion, brain, and dash, And, above all—get the cash, Some Smoky Cigars. Dear Mr. Cotoravo Craro: I have tried the box of cigars you sent me to try, at least I tried one of thei, and one is about enough to try for all purposes, and no use in smoking all." [think nothing approaches that cigar— unless it does so without knowin Tvisn’t hardly proper to sell. such a cigar for fifteen cents, as it seems to me there are more than fifteen scents in it, from the worst scents clear on down the scale, There was nothing on the box to tell what they were intended for, and no directions how to use them, and, of cou, in my innocence i lit one under the impression that they were ta smoke. ‘The fire end certainly did smoke, but the flue of the cigar was out of order someway and didn’t draw well, though I ‘‘drawed ” with all my might, till I was fearful of sucking it down my throat, and had a notion to take it out to the pump and try that sucker on it, bat I bored a hole through it with a gimlet. At the time I had a se cold in my nose, and couldn't smell dinner—not eyen a mouse, however large. Really it is the most respect- able-looking cigar Lever saw; and I started down town perhaps with more stateliness than usual, and smoking right and left. I paused in a crowd before a street auctioneer, and then everybody left; and the the auction- eer packed up his grip—all left without saying anything. Twas sorry [didn’t go articles he was selling. Dropped. upstairs into udynamite meeting, and noticed that when a big son of Cork began to describe how the next move would be to blow up the Thames, everybody began to sidle out, and the vice presidents left by a trap door in the stage. [ thought it strange, as had not heard even’ of any collection to be taken up. Paused on the street to talk to my sweetheart, who was in company with three other girls, but they didn’t stop long. much to my mortification. Went to the bank, and begin to talk to the president, and negotiate « loan to him—[ mean to me, that is, a loan to both of us, and they shut up the money-deliveries, and said it was their closing hour, when it lacked an hour of it; and going out I felt something give way in my head, it was the breaking of y cold, then I began to smell a large I came to, I threw the cigar into the strect, and while I was standing still to catch my breath, and recalling how every man I had stopped to say.a word to about financial matters, had sidled around to windward of me, a wealthy newsboy walked out and picked the cigar up, but he thought he didn’t need it, and laid it down again; and then a man came out and poured a bucket of water on it. I heard him remark that it was healthy in that vicinity, and they were not in need of any disinfectants such as smoke was intended to be. I don’t think that any high-toned flavors would do those cigars any good, or improve them, but if you would try putting a little tosee what | “TWENTY-ONE MILLION ACKES OF J. Buus Wel, Cacie Sum, Lemldn't pure Din theur instead of leather shavings, old gum shoes, greased locomotive packing and nuz vomica, with Loot-lining wrapper, maybe one might detect a little change in them; though, to be sure, they would then come under the law. [didn’t think of that. This way you are not taxed. I ean recom- mend these cigurs as being good and pene- trating in case of a stoppage in the head nothing equal to that smoke i the corpse don’t squeal, you practicing deception. A box of those cigars would be worse than a box of dynamite in the public buildings of London, for, if it was fired, the smoke would be strong enough to lift the roof and blow out the walls, Fenian League, but the man should be sure to run away before the cigars are fired. The box is empty, but the cigars were of g value to me, as T gave them to the parties who are always asking if I have another in my vest, telling them I have a large lot on hand, and don’t smoke any other. They are not hungry for my cigars now. — ‘The will surely cure any man of smoking cigars at least, that kind of cigars. One fellow, to whom I gave a cigar, died, but it was his own fault, as he was trying to smoke it clear up on a bet. Please don’t send another invoice of them till I write, besides, I expect to change my aliress soon. a test, for if n bet he is not AMERICAN SOIL get your land with my bayonets, but Tam getting and in case of suspended animation there is You should consult with the | BOUGHT BY ENGLISH GOLD” | Phyllis and Her Pastry. Far Phyllis mut please ber pu ake 4 prett ate Her parent put it ona stake Anal used it fora mallet —Philadelphia News. And then she big mince pie manner wow and novel, ther seized it with And used it fora shovel. L ¢ York Journat, Atlast tl Composed some taify candy; A club of which ber father took And used it playing bandy —W ptle pastry cook ington Hatchet, xt she deftly made, red ‘round the edges; 1 splitting trade) je stunning wedges. —Fall River Adcance, Her pop (in the we Found they m But when alled her pa to eat Some just constructed biscuit, The old man said his life was sweet— He didn’t dare to ris omercille Journat. Thi Nuts, ro after Phyllis fricd some dough- and tougher'n leather; ‘em for some links her. Her papa to ‘To splice log chains tog comicbooks.com