Judge — March 28, 1885 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| nee . bright. the charming young lady possesses in herown right, if enough to purchase a mansion, and put a door-plate on it. Tow would you look marrying and settling down in a cottage! Drive slow whatever route you are on, and be discreet; drive to your destination with your eyes out ahead of you. You hold the lines to success, and you can rise to promi- nence by easy carriage steps. Do not allow the team to run off, or save the young lady’s life unless she is the one you want. — While you are driving and have one eye for your girl, keep another on the old man, Be’ well versed in poetry, for sentiment and horses go along well together on an even pike. Learn horse sense, and keep your livery Be sure to keep your whip in your own hands and allow it to get into no one’s else, it is dangerous, In an affair of the heart be careful of the traces. In man- aging fine matches you should be able to managea fine match of yourown. Be stable. Keep your metal buttons bright; whether our intellect is or not, and remember the harness makes the horse. Make good time in trying to curry favor. Surely your wheels are the veritable wheels of fortune, and see that you turn themtheright way. Carriage always did rhyme with marriagein the proper manner, and mash accompanies dash, ‘the bays are yours as sure as you are living. You sleep in the stable loft, and, of course, your ambition should be lofty, In putting ‘on the horse’s bridle always let your reflec- tions run on your own, Who is there to fill the position of groom as well as you can? That is the mane thing. See that the young lady is suited to your complexion, before yon hitch for a drive out into life. The plug hat, with the rosette, is an emblem of nobility which has been handed down from the first ages of chivalry, and it is bound to bring you into favor. Keep a steady tongue, talk like a spoke, and impress it upon the gentle sex that you would make a noble hub. When you open the carriage door remember that it is your door to success, and that assisting the young lady out you are practicing taking her Hands which you may taxe the last tim for good. When you have a runaway, sce that the girl is along, and the old man far in the rear. Remember, too, that Cupid holds the strings on the ce seat. Keep to the right and you won’t be left, and drive on. May your lines fall in pleasant places. Your affectionate father. A.W. BELLAW, “SISTER'S BEAU.” Viewed a a natural curiosity ard great moral show. Ir was Thursday nite and sister Flora came sweepin’ down the front stairs, in a pink silk (most people wear their ole clothes when they’re sweepin’ down stairs, but sis don’t), HAIR. Mrs, MayYrLoweEn — SPLITTIN 1 fear that you cannot do it, Major.” CoxceitED Mason—* ih, F can do anything.” Boy—' 1 know one thing you can’t do, music book in her hand, She was wabbling | in a supranio alterio voi. e;— Oh the young man T love he is handsome, to please him Lever shall try, And I hope he loves me one fas well as the searfpin he wears in his tie, He moves with sweet grace in the( ing is simply . And Thope he can show the same vigor when he tackles a frozen clothesline. I added, dodging the music-book and rapidly retreating to the atic. She is going to sing ‘‘ Sweet Violets” ata umateur concert this evening with Dorance De Bang; that’s her bo an he’s a reglar dude. If I wasn’t fatter as he is I’d take some of Mrs. Soothelow’s syrup, or something strengthening; he’s pretty, tho, (pretty con- ceited), Don’t wonder Sis doubts his luv be- ing more in her favor as the pin’s, its diamond and has probably proved “dear” tohim. He wears stunning neck-ties and button-hole bokays, and high collars—high! Why, some- times when I go to the door if he don’t happen to be lookin’ my way he has to press down on his kane ter’push his head up over the top. I should think he’d twist it all out of joint tryin’ to keep run of things going on round him. ‘Then he wears a little cut-away coat, so short you'd think he didn’t buy enuff cloth to go round; the stripes of his pants run way down into the ground, and he has shiny boots as if he was expectin to go to a surprise party all the time. Vou can't part your hair in the middle.” Tle w his father was working. —‘* Every Sunday bye and bye,” when that time comes ‘ nt, perhaps, and wear my Sunday school cloze all the time, “regardles,” but not before I guess. Usually he is’ pret candy, but last Sunday’ nite he didn’t bring an I saw I’d have to punish him. “The ot to be drawn somewhere,” as our acher says, and I decided, after mature deliberation, that our y er was the proper place to draw it. It has a tin roof and any- thing strikin’ that makes a jolly big racket. Well, when the quorum in the parlor had got ter cutting up great onto the piano, I hurried a lot of planks and stones up there by means of a ladder, arranged ’em in good nae and after fastening a young rope on to them in a scientific way, took the other end and quietly withdrew. Soon afterward the music stopped and the light was turned way down low, I kuew nothin’ would be heard from that parlor again unless some fevle spirited individual opened the ball. accordingly pulled the string and of all unearthly noises that was about the worst! I ran round the back way and hastened to the scene of the accident. (?) Puttin’ ona scared expression (I always cary one with me for such emergencies), I rushed in gasping in a pale voice, what’s the matter? Sis was on the floorin a faint, with the water runnin’ down her pink silk from a vase which Dor- rance was excitedly pressin’ to her nostrils with some crazy idea that he had the salts good in supplying trimmed with funny looking lace and a comicbooks.com