Judge — March 14, 1885 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. COME DOWN; on Mistress of the The Hash-House, Tue Mistress of the hash-house, That guards the store-room door, Looks over the dollars in her purse, A-wishing they were more; Then she softly yoes to the milk-pail And some Croton therein does pour Then she calls to the “ hirelin” waitress, “Have my boarders all come home? ' s, Mum!" says the hirclin waitress, The boarders all bi come.” ‘Then she calls to the “ hirelin” waitress, (an Erinitess she) *Fetch up the dinner, Ma And also get the tea, y Ann, Then she getteth a little hatchet, And choppeth a little bread, And ringeth the bell for dinner, To the joy of the great un-fed. ‘The mistress of the hash-house Opens the dining And hears the poor, starved boarders Ask the waiter-gitl for more; Hears the daughter of Erin answer, «The mistress has counted each chop, So I daresant give you another, And she’s measured the tay toa drop.” Then the mistress waiteth the moment When the girl to the kitchen will go, And then she'll go” for her tooth-and-nail, And her tears will surely flow; For the mistress will scold her roundly, Will give her a beating, too, + telling the poor starved boarders What wasn't exactly true. g-room door, Then the cries that rise from the kitchen Will reach to the boarders’ ears, And down they'll go in a body To ask Mary-Ann why these tears; They'll ask the mistress the trouble, WwW she beateth the maid so sore, And the Erinitess will answer, “Because ye asked me for mor F. K., Jr. Editor “ Jupor”:. My Sun (I mean my son) says this is the most tiful poem in the English languaze. Please pass judgment on it, and also let me know if you anak my Sun (I mean son) knows good poetry when he secs Etta Wieeren Swati, Legislative Suggestions for the New Administration. b. IGHT here, coincident with achange in policy at Wash- ington, it may not be out & of place, or, in my choice Vienna (bakery) dialect, too mal a-propos or nicht versteh Carramba, for me to enlighten my friend Grove. Cleve land and the Democratic Congress, just what laws the citizens of this country expect in- side of the next four yeara, (It will be ob- served that I call Grover ‘‘ Grove,” the same as I used to address Chester as ‘ Chet.” White House Executives always feel flattered to have me throw off my usual air of haughty reserve, and be familiar with them; so I try to humor ’em whenever I conveniently can, without unbending foo much from my royal, ninety-nine cent dignity). I have traveled by rail, all over the states and territories, partly on first-class tickets— in sleepers and parlor-cars, more on new paper free passes, and still more (when I couldn’t get achance to pay my fare by jug- gling a freight train brake) via the cross-ties and road-bed, on ‘shank’s mare” ing sounded the rox populi thorou; in @ position to know whereof I : In stating the wants of the population of this magnificent Union, I will use the word “we” to represent important ME, and the unimportant balance of our fifty million souls, according to the last census. Let_us, therefore, now down to the milk in the cocoa-nu We want the tariff on whi five cents per glass, and the s life unadulterated with w: We want Oklahoma opened to settlement, and Woman’s Rights cranks, producers of English melodramas, and dude society pun- sters banished thereto and chain upon reservations; We want an appropriation for one more Captain’s gig, to be added to our great American Navy; We want the U. S, Regular Army far- loughed, so he can get some needed res| another Castle Garden emigrant temporarily hired in his place, in order to keep up our frontier campai We want to know by public proclamation, ey reduced to in due course of time, how near Tommy Hendricks comes to filling David Davis’ ts, as ruling officer of the Senate; We want about nine-tenths of the two Houses’ time devoted to “ personal explan- ations” buffoonery—the remainder to rou- tine business; We want Conservatories of Music estab- lished for perfecting the vocal talents of those nightly serenaders—the Thomas Cat, and the John Bull—dog; We want of Ca Recor We want deput protect lightning: uph fiends” in pursuing their frowned-up- on, but honorable calling We want Messrs. Hoar and Dawes to in- troduce a resolution of contidence and res- pect in favor of their noble Massachusetts constituent, the amiable J. Lawrence Sulli- van, woman-fighter and dumb animal mal- treater. (Jo hunt me up. L carry a gun We want a cargo of our average s grialy Yankee. doarding-house shipped to Lord Wols with as canister a war; We want a collection b torch, placed ir in Madison Square, with ard appended atten! of Pari visit the States, something like thi CHARITABLE FRENCH TOURIS Please Surther contribute your Sroncs and centimes towards building a base on Beiloe’s Island, for your America! leave to print” the ingredients tol “Cold Tea” in the Congressional marshals appointed to rod agents, and pies mented Soudan sket, instead of a tatue hand spare ist to poor, economical (Signed) Uneve Sam. ant—yes, we all want dad, a fat office individual vot We want (every. mother’s s be an angel and with the an Someday”—but there that however. Now Mr. President, Cabinet Officers, S Members, and last but not le know our wishful wish n of us) ‘to is no hurry about LL lectured The subseque ation & cremation society in that city is the | only answer made, and shows that the Buf- | falonians are only too anxious to get into a | good hot place. n Buffalo, wher night. ress wis Ir looks as though Cor recent short session, attend on such busin is really of | pra Li and toourgent to admit | of delay. te had already devoted | half a day to trying to find out by debate whether Jeff. Davis was the right sort of man for President of the Confeder: during the was enough to comicbooks.com