Judge — March 7, 1885 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. that I’ll never have a chance to see how Mr. Cleveland does eat. Well, we'll see whether I will or not. I’ve got more plans in my head than even Mr. Pennyfeather has any idea of, and if I don’t dine at the White House before summer, I'll eat the dress I’ve selected to wear there. So much for the latest intentions of P PNNYFEATHER, erty little vith rosy cheeks and lips as red, Answered my polit “Lean press your suit In the weeks that swiftly followed, rly every day I called; It was wonderful how many Clothes of mine she overhauled. Here were buttons to be sewed on, A hundred different rents to mend, And each new task permitted me Delightful hours with her to spend. At length our friendship grew so great It bore another kind of fruit— I said I loved her, was't in vain? She smiled and b 1, and with voice hushed Made answer—" You can press your suit.” The swell’s exhortation —Mumm’s the word. Gone up higher —the man who didn’t know it was loaded. When you see a man with a boil on his nose, you can depend upon it he is in a bad humor. Silk stockings range from $2.50 to $50 a pair, and plenty of calves can be found to wear them. The microscope reveals four thousand muscles in the caterpillar. Good gracious! How many would it reveal in the Sullivan? An exchange tells how to prepare a Tar- tar meal. As most any man, who wants to, n “catch a Tartar,” this meal should become very popular. In speaking of a Texas bank failure, a daily paper says that in consequence of the disaster the cashier died of ‘accelerated disease.” A case of cold lead poisoning, probably. Borax is so abundant at Columbia, Neva- da, that it sells forfour centsa pound. Ah, at last we have found out where the hotel clerk’s diamond comes from. Two women in Buffalo have gone craz over the stories told them by a fortune-tel- ler. They were probably informed that they would die old maids, and the shock proved too great for them. A Lowell genius has invented a trap with which he expects to catch cholera germs and thus put a check on the disease whenever it appears. ‘The trap will be baited with green apples, tramps, and a section of sewer-pipe. The man who shall invent some sort of an arrangement that will thaw out frozen pipes, and thus put the predatory plumber to flight, shall reap exceeding many shekels there- from,—aye, verily, shall he; and men will rise up and call him blessed. A new umbrella holder for the hall is made in the likeness of a brass mortar. It is so constructed that ‘‘absent-minded” church deacons, parsons, and other fanciers of silk and alpaca will be shot full of red pepper and sand the minute they lay hands on the wrong umbrella, ‘The salary of school teachers in Morocco is fifteen cents a month, This don’t scem very princely, but it should be remembered that in Morocco a yard of cotton will clothe a whole family, and as great a fewness as this exists in all the other necessaries of life. Tom Appts, SILVER SLUSH ‘The worst kind of slush is the kind that gives the people hard times, coughs, business depression, colds, and general stagnation diptheria Destrovs of doing in all things as the Parisians do, they paved the place with asphalt, but when they perceived that that sort of pavement couldn't stand the climate for thirty seconds, they paved it with good intentions, Wer. were standing in a picture gallery, the other day, lost in admiration of an ex- quisite painting of Cupid and Psyche, when our artistic dream was rudely dispelled by a coarse voice at our elbow, saying, in stentori- an tones: ‘‘ Ain’t that pretty now? But what queer names, Cupid and Sich;—them artists do beat all.” Rumor has been heard to remark on one or two occasions that the minister of Ply- mouth Church is to be minister at the Court of St. James in the good time coming The congregation of the Court of St James’ is to be congratulated. What that congregation likes best is to have a minister sent to them who isa ready speaker, and a bad diplomatist, en Brother Beecher will fill the bin to the rim. NOT A WORKMAN IN Fanwen—" Looking for work?” or work at my time of life, when I hace dodged it ever vince 1 was born; what do you take me for?” DISGUISE. Grover Crev Np is not a small man. When he steps out he makes a vacancy 80 vast that it requires a Hill to fill it, Oscar Witve’s lectures are now all on the subject of ladies dress. They call him, the ‘‘ Dress Improver” in England. They use the same word, too, when they speak of a bustle. “Sue'll go all right,” said my country cousin, when she lent me her pony to drive. ‘Only don’t let her get the rein under her tail.” So, of course, when the shower came, I held up an umbrella, but that wasn’t what she meant, and she laughed when I came home like that, and said it was the lines she meant. Couldn’t she say 80? OUR HIRED GIRL. A word patoting of ber fantastic charscterietica, mounted tyre hi Hen cheeks were as red as the blushing rose, Reflected two-fold on her turned up nose, | Iter eyes cross over, her toes turn i And she wears a blue wart on the edge of her chin. She bakes and brews, and hammers and scolds At the man of the house and the cookey-moulds, She paints the kitchen a crimson lake And, for classic ugliness “ takes the cake Gentle reader, please allow me to take you bi yer lilly-white hand and—not “lead you over the water,” but down inter the base- ment ov our house. It iz wash da, and we always hay a rare curiosty caged there on sich occashions, yes, there it iz. “What,” I hear you exclaim, ‘that rag- Lag sticking out ov a wash tub with a pair comicbooks.com