Judge — February 14, 1885 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. SD TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION. expeet to drop on some fancy figures "tyom forget it.” will, of you recar those pan Not possessin; And devoid of any “Harem,” “‘scarem” things I've done, Many cur'us tricks and capers; Figured, too, in all the papers, Since I first began to run, But the ndest” meanest scrape, ‘Think Lever saw or heard on, Was the time my stoker, Reardon, Jumped and broke that “driver's” shape, Twenty minutes lute, and “wild” Round the curve we beat the devil; When ahead upon the level Slowly toddied a young child. For a moment I was dazed, But I quick reversed my lever Blow and pulses at a fever, Sct the brakes, Uh nearly crazed. For. before we'd stop, I knew ‘That young child would be all mangled— y } would sure be strangled, its work in this life throug Suddenly the train slowed up. Wondered 1, what's caus Then I heard the eng: And my fireman!—Where’s the pup? Then I looked, and true as steel, While inside I'd tried to choke her, Tl be hanged if that blamed stoker Hadn't grabbed the driving wheel, Stopped the train, and saved the child. Passengers turned out with rushing, Praised the fireman loud, and gushing, With a purse the time beguiled But the engine—lo! I weep When I think of her condition; But I have an intuiti All my hearers are JUBILA “"RAT—“Now I guess you'll giv he returns are all in.” Republican (hoping against hope)—* Not much. We haven't heard from Alaska yet.” “Ala Where’s that?” “Don’t know, but just wait.” Then the Democratic brother fell into a great sweat, and recovered only when a reliable and impartial Butler man assured him that Alaska was one of the Southern States. | come single. “He Mixed Those Children Up.” A SENTIMENTAL young Frenchman, strug- gling with the vernacular, endeavoring to express to his soul’s idol his idea of sweet | sort of delicate reminder of the ‘Lost Rolling | i simplicity and love in a cottage. his eyes and his ‘rs terrifically, he mur- “No superbe worrke of arrt, no expensceve picture; but only over ze door, in a lettle frame zat beauteefal eenteement— “God D. our home!” Ir is too often taken for granted that the snecessful lawyer must be a stony-hearted fellow, — But that depends — depends on whether he is a Blackstoncy-headed fellow as well. A turice married Lancaster man is blessed with only one child. But he is blessed with three living mothers-in-law, Blessings never He says he is blest if he can see it, though. RE lawyers * inquires an indignant peace-loving Well, if necessity knows no law, some lawyers of our acquaintance are a sad necessity indeed in modern society. Tue inqniring foreigner is respectfully in- formed that the government of the United States is, in thee a pure Democracy; bat so tempered in practice by the southern shot- gun, and the northern hotel clerk, that liberty never de; into license. Tie policeman reported that the young villian, after beating the drum of his ear, stole the apple of his eye; then crossed the bridge of his nose, clambered over the roof of his mouth, and escaped by the skin of his teeth, | “Have We a Bourbon Among Us?" Joxrs—* Why do they call it ‘Old Crow’ Whiskey?” Robinson—** Well you eee, dear boy, it is Cause,’ as it were.” Jones—“ Oh! yes, I see—they. can’t bear to eat crow, so they drink it.” ‘Te whole-souled flow is generally found in a new pair of boots. Treap gently, it is holy land,” as tho quick-sand said to the horse, It costs Jay Gould $500 for every mile he travels in his yacht. If Jay is trying to save shoe wear in this economical fashion, he is just about the meanest man living. A St. Louis man, who was captored by Ttalian brizands a year ago, has returned to this country minus an ear, The brigands | took it to use as a door for the entrance of a necessity in modern s0- their cave. Sure was congratulated and assured that he was a very promising young man indeed; but she had handled a good many of that kind and didn’t care to take any more stock in them, What she was anxious to know was whether this one was a promise keeping young man. Now that the offical returns are all in, it seems that Belva got not less than three votes in Pennsylvania, ‘This accounts probably for the melancholy fact that Cleveland failed to arry the Keystone State. At the same time it onght te put an end to the absurd notion that the Pennsylvania Dutchman is too level headed to admire the glory of true woman- hood. QUITE CORRECT. Mistress—‘ If you would look in the right place for anything you would always find what you are looking for. eLr—* Yes'm, but dah trouble be whar to know whar dah right place be.” Se " == Set ee Ste comicbooks.com