Judge — January 31, 1885 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

chat AY il — 1B = THE JUDGE. The Wail of a Would-be Literary Light. “ Waite something for the papers?” Well, iehat, I'd like to know, | Short paragraphs are stupid, epig Prose articles | cannot write, and poems never Alas, to fame and fortune I do not see my way! ns are With modern lore and ancient, my weary brains I cram, But nothing that If sts a olever epigram; And when my meatal fingers ¢ para. ‘The horrid thing eludes me with s wugh. I've tried my best and failed, you see,—Oh please, bod Mr. Jcpor, Don't cast aside my poems with a quick, « Fudge ler, pray drop a impatient “Tis Sympathy's cheap tribute to young Ambition’s bier. For “I'm dyin; when you see my aph, Read: ** Here lies one who vainly tried to write a paragraph In all this Than she ity no maid is more forlorn If—Yours truly, kien THorse, A HORPIBLE FACT THAT IS SURE TO BE REALIZE AN APRICAN NUT WITH ALL IMPROVEMENTS, TUE MODERN “Outing. Tr { Outing embraces a ne of our es and Hitchcock ebrnary sue ling article * The Mount Bi exper W. witzerland” being the observations of Mr. J. R. among the glaciers, the nd the snow- covered spurs which lie hidden within: the dense forests surrounding Mount Tacoma, in Washington ‘Territor This which is accompanied by spirited illust OO OTT o A NEW STORY. Tramr—"' Yea, Dicas an honest gorernment clerk but Clereland spoiled my ofesh, [irae turned outin this cold (Bang—the door is closed). He Took the Same. Ir rained New Year's day in X., and when Mr. Tooful was going home from his last call, the host held up several umbrellas and asked, ‘which one will yon take?” “Same!” gurgled the gilded youth. We hare always been impressed with the average Briton’s sense of humor. Long ago in the misty recesses of the forgotten past, when it was considered quite a laudable act to quote from “Pinafore,” we heard a New York girl repeat the Admiral’s song to an English officer. John Bull listened patient- ly to the bitter end, and then remarked: “My deah young lady, that is quite too absurd, you know, in England the Admiral never *‘ polishes the handle of the front door,” that sort of work is left entirely to the sailors.” from the pencil of Mr. Henry Sandham, | presents the first ade ant from personal observation of this snow-crowned monarch of the North-west. The present popular interest in New Orleans makes especially timely the ente Mr. Norm Walker, on Lonisi: n which the that ** paradise for wee antly set forth. Mr. tributes a bright sketch of a cruise by the Pelican Canoe Club down the Merrimac, which is well illustrated by FP. Childe H “Tlis Majesty’s Ultim ” by Stockton, rong, interestin the scene of which is laid in the Fiji Island “The Luck of Canadarago Camp” is a read- able camping sketch, with excellent illustra- | ti ‘The winter element is introduced in an interesting paper on ‘Snowshoeing in Out-door Life in rious delights of | ortsman” are pleas- | Canada.” Maurice Thompson's ‘angle- j Leaf Papers” are continued, A i al paper on the construction of model yachts, by Capt. R. B, Forbes, a veteran ya htsman of Boston; a lively account of a bicycle run from Hartford to Boston; aa entertaining description of the Kennebec tour of last summer, and several clever poems, together with the usual well-filled departments, make up a number that well sustains the reputation which Outing has gained. | | A CUTE CUT. | Mr. pe Movurs—* No more sine, thanks, for one | | glass goes atraight to my brain.” . | Miss Cotaway—"'] should think it would take more | The Gambler's Shakespeare. AN the world’s a gume, 1 men who're in it mercly poker-players v have their “Bobtails ” and their * King hi And ¢ His acts bei oman ina Sitti plays many parts, petween th At tirst the dealer, Shuflling and stacking the f: ‘Then the whining “kicker Seq ards he does not * To po royal Mush” nl then the Ante like a furnace, when he get Poor hand, and loses his *¢ Then With sleeve full of extra aces, and tricky Like his pard., jealon sudden And quick in quarrel, Zeputation even Opponent’s mont In fair ro With nose Ordering pd belly w liquor lined, red and eyes of watery hue, le * part Land slipper'd on each * fibe Last scene o! That ends this strange eventful bi rein the “toll for the benefit For the player, is bei Sans cash, sans jewelry, sans crec Hints to the Healthy. Ix these days when science plumes the fickle wing, and launches her craft upon the currents of imposture, diving down into the mysterious labyrinths of chemical analysis, discovering to what extent the public is deceived in the adulteration of manufactured articles, and in general ‘ plucking up drowned honor by the locks,’ it might be well to offer a few hints to the healthy Immediately upon rising, in the morning, get up, and for the rest of the d oid all attempts at alliteration. In most matters of sanitary importance, an ounce avoirdupois of prevention is worth a pound of drugs. Remember that one peculiarity of other people’s business is that it will take care of itself, ‘To illustrat A friend of mine attempted to assume an unsolicited interes! in another man’s affairs, and he is now recovering as rapidly as the condition of his injuries will permit: I visited him the other day and asked how he regarded the changeful vicissitudes of life. Ie replied ina touching but cheerful tone, that with the aid of a patent eye-opener he could read the circus posters over the way. As it isa well-known scientific fact that than one glass to find it.” | the epidemic grows by external accretions, as comicbooks.com