Judge — January 24, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1 MEDICATED YouNG AND TLaANpsome Doeror—** Oh, yes; nice Antiess LittLe Patrent—** As nice as else broke. Mr. with one of th no: » rails of a neighborin, and the rail b: —rail not worth less than two cents. Very good, did I go next morn- to the owner of the fence and say ‘ Mister, what’s the dam: I didn’t intend the the rail should break, but all the same, my asks what's the damage? Mr. ackason, thy conscience did sleep then, sh is only too awake now, and there stands the rail, broken and pale—pale, Mrs. Othello as thine own ck, le, Jackason, as the bosom of the new-born shirt, But as yet there is no letting up. On the occasion of the camp-meeting in Anderson Woods, when, for a special purpose, Moon- lightly and I tied an r-can to a dog’s tail, and the can got severely thumped and bumped because of the attachment to the tail, did I s nd night for the owner of that valuable y might pay him for his los didn’t, And it isin vain that I Moonlightly telling me that the can, oysters and all, had been sented to him as a slight token of esteem on the occasion of his visiting one of the brethren’s tentsat 2, A. M while the inmates were indulging in the pleasures of sle In vain, for thoug Moonlightly is a member both of our church and of the legislature, his memory is trea erous. | when he sold me the muley cow, which, after the paint was worn off, 1 found to be my own cow (with the horns sawed off) that somebody had stolen from me six months before—why, I say, did brother Moonlightly, on the word of a Christian statesman, swear that it was the identical cow which his brother had got a present of from’ Ward Beecher’s Peekskill farm? Hark to the voice of the New Year night, howling as if they howled with red-hot pokers- saying among other things, “Jac son, how was it when you got thirty dollars to buy Cleveland votes at fifty cents a head, 2 recollect came in contact and forty dollars to buy BI COMPLIMENT. you will take the medicine, tt is real you are?” r 3 ne votes at dollar ahead, and bought them (on tick, to be paid after election) and then got fifty dollars to smuggle through the whole hundred votes for Butler, and then, after election, raised two hundred dollars out of the votes by promising not to have them prosecuted for accepting bribes—thus makin, n thre hundred and thirty dollars out of the busi- ness, and yet Jackason, you forgot on t occasion to open the procedings with pri ‘That was indeed a mountainous sin, only wiped out by your telling the bought and sold voters that St. John was only one of Butler’s nicknames. Another of the spect: tors there is, who gives voice in dark color “ Bradder Jackason were it a squar deal wen you got up onto yer hine legs at de a school and make dat perfound impression in de audjience by tellin’ the childer dat Joseph stoled de American flag from Gen, Dix and cut her up to make hisself a nice coat; and dat de king Nebuchedschazzar (lim wat cat | de clover) got mad at de bad boys fur writin’ dere handwritin’ on de wall—on de top of de wall; and how the fust man raise his cane an’ killed his father; and how de prodigal calf eat de corn husks till he got fat and den come home and de ole man frew his arm roun’ his neck and killed him; and how de locusts devour the Red Sea so de ptian couldn’t git nary drop of water to drink when dey swum across wid de childer of Israel at dere heels—I_ solemnly ax, brudder Jackason, were it on de squar fur to guv all dat interestin’ information to de childer and never guv a cent worth of credit tode pusson wat posted you on all dem pints, as you know I done on de previous evenen’ wen we | was settin’ on de fence roun’ brudder Goholy’s | watermillion patch waitin fur de dogs ter slack off der bark, and fur de moon to hide hisself behine de cloud? Brudder Jackason loan pertend yer can’t discomember de in- cidence, but repent an’ do no more likewise,” i you cut for Ca | spectators been | Still they howl and keep howling: “J son arn’t you ashamed of yourself? git out of it ef you kin,” ‘Jackason, the baste that iver 5 " ““Schackason J i fur wot ye went pack on me?” “Mr. 2 son deres futchure behind you, dat’ll cote you up ef you doan git right smart Shake Jackason, old pard, and let me and .” Jackason its all up with— but is this a demijohnson that I see before me? It is. And empty? — It is. A foul suspicion crosses my mind—have the drinking? They hav on, Whilst thou, my poor jumped on Jack: hast kept thyself sober as a top. Woman's Superiority Over Man. I HeAKD a smart old man say once that a woman who didn’t have temper now and then was no account, for while a man ought to be a philosopher and go according to reason, a woman wasn’t made that way. She is full of emotions and is bound to show them. She is up and down, now calm and now ex cited, according to circumstances. Her love is stronger and her dislike more intense. She has more wonder and curiosity, more sympathy and reverence and hope. In fi she is a purer, better creation, and was m so because she was to be a mother and nurse of children. “Her ‘prentice hand she tried on man, And then she made the lasses.”” I was talking to a nice y woman’s rights, and she said that men and women had too many rights now, and in- dulged themselves in some that didn’t belong to them. ‘or instance,” said she, has no right to be a fool, aright to be homel ** But how can sh Ip it?" said I. If a woman is born ‘ugly,’ as we call it, it sure- ly is not her fault.” * Of course not,” said sh born that She can b a be kind at one day about ‘aman nd no woman has , “but if she is ay she mustn't stay that way. ad if she wants be, and she 1 entertaining, and that will make any woman pretty on intimate ac- quaintance. ‘The homeliest. woman I ever knew was the most attractive and fascinat- ing. And just 30 the biggest dunce of a man can keep from being a fool if he tries to; at least he can be a silent one, and then folks wouldn’t find out that he was a fool.— Ex, He Wanted a Post-Office. “My friend,” said a gentleman to a Ger- man whom he met upon the corner, ** can you tell me where the post-oflice is?” Yah.” “Well, if you please, be kind enough to tell me. “T know who he vas.” “Tum in ahurry,” replied the gentlemzn, **tell me where it is.” “Oh, you vant to found der post-oflice out, aind it #8: Ye Oh, vel, Dots besser you yo four plocks south, den you go two plodks dat vay, den you vas go four plocks nord, den \ou come mit two plocks dis v “Why, you fool, that brings me back to Hl, dots all right.” “Then where is the post-oflice? You vant der post-oftice. Oh, oh, dots yoost across der street. Vhy don’t you said so, yet I danght yon vanted to took it away mit you, but you don't vos fool me ence. I vas A candidate for dot places myself. 1 vas a Democrat neider.—Pretzels Weekly. comicbooks.co