Judge — January 17, 1885 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

. THE JUDGE. " “TOOTHACE TootHacue isa pain wot hits you in de tooth and all round there, and makes you feel as if your head waz a borde with car- pentirs a drilling holes in it with a rus gimlet. I know, cos I had a toothache the other day, and Jim sez, sez he, git it out. and I thot that waz a pretty good schem: myself; but when I got into the dentist’s chair, as they call the man wot drawz tooths, it quit hurting—of corse, I didn’t have it out, but wen I got home again, it was aking worse than ever, and Jim told me to fill my mouth with cold water, and sit on a stove till it biled—the water he meant, not the stove. I wuddent do that, and the blamed thing kept on hurting just the same. The only way to serve a tooth wot akes is to take it out, but that hurts worse, and takes a heap of morril currage, cos it cents the danger cumming, and always quits aking wen the man is reddy to pull it. How- ever, if you have it out it don’t ake no more; at least you don’t feel it, and if you ken keep your tung ont ov the hole where the tooth isn’t any lon a gold tooth will grow. I never was able to keep my tung quiet, cos there’s a big empty place that that unruly member (that’s wot teacher calls it) is bound to explore; so I never had a gold tooth. I reckin it must be pretty hard to keep your tung away, cos I never saw any- body with a gold tooth. Aunt Jane has a tooth that’s pretty nearly half gold. I guess aho'mauszed t keep her tung out a good dele of the time, tho that’s funny too, for Aunt Jane never could keep her tongue quiet I’ve heard my dad say. That’s about all I know about toothake, and its all I want to know, and a good dele more. If I ever have another, I’ll notis it more careful so as to rite about it better next time, for wen I had this toothake I somehow wazn’t thinking much of my next compozi- tion. But I'd rather never have another and find something else to rite about. Tooth- ake ain’t a pretty subject, no way you can fix it. One of the Family. SeveRAL moons have waxed and waned since Mr. Josiah Wilkens inserted an ad- vertisement in a morning daily, to the effect that he would be extremely pleased to find board and lodging in astrictly private Ameri- can family. Josiah had grown weary of restaurants and boarding houses, and so he thought he would try the private family plan. Of course, his ertisement called forth legions of answers that were written upon all kinds of paper from antique parchment to , but a monogram on an illumin- piece of bristol board that came ina Tiffany envelope sealed with sealing wax at- IL tracted his attention, and he read with ex- —* Tdon't see why you enjoy so much company?” Sister (fond of society)—** Goodness, ifs not the company I enjoy so much, as the pleasure I have after they are gone, renning them down.” treme satisfaction thatafamily of high sc standing, might be induced, consideration, to take a refined anc gentleman into their elegant home. The very thing, thought Josiah, and that evening he made it his business to call upon the writer of the note. d that final ot, both ends meet. IT the ends didn’t wondering. A good about the same time. become a staple dish, ak, and pork took i ervant ceased to put in An awkward servant girl took his and |ance, and grate fir ve ushered him into an expensively furnished jout altogether. ‘The only thing that did not parlor to await further developements. je aring with regularity was the The room was dimly lighted, and a vague ame due. Week after idea passed through his mind that a little Brown the proper stipend, less red plush and a little more gas would he noticed a little heap of be conducive to comfort. Just then the: -Wwalk and a was a rustle of skirts and he found himse h piece of meat would be placed on the face to face with the y of the house. . ‘Then it began todawn upon our hero. he presented a somewhat pleasing ap- | that he was supporting the entire family, and arance and assured our young man that, paying high for the privilege. just for the pleasure of thing, they had con- Browns were in terror lest any of their cluded to take a stranger into their mic acquaintances should find out they had a and that he would always be treated as one boarder in the house, and if J n, by of the family. Josiah soon found out that ‘just for the pleasure of the thing” the quired a pretty stiff monetary consideration, but gements were finally conelu¢ ina few days he found himse! expensively and very uncomfortabl nished apartments in the Brown Mansion. The Brown household consisted of father, discovers Servant after ppear- chance, met any of their set, he was always Wilkins, who Soon’ Mrs. asly nod introduced as ‘tour friend, Mr was paying them a little visi Brown would supplement this with | toward Miss Brown, and ‘it whispered about that J the young lady, This was becoming * » of the family” mother, young lady daughter, and a pair of | with a vengeance, but Josial did rather ad- twin boys. ‘I'win devils, Josiah soon learned | mire the young lady, and affairs might have to consider them. ‘The daughter was young and rather pretty. The father did nothing, and was apparently of no account. Mrs. Brown ruled the roast, and remarkably well she did it. She always carved, and Josiah never before realized how long a two ribbed piece of beef could be made to do duty, nor how thin a slice of meat could be cut and yet hold to- gether. There was plenty of silver on the table, and a vast expanse of cloth, but the one servant was awkward and untidy. Old Brown did nothing but lounge about the house, and Josiah was puzzled for some time to find out how they managed to make ended accordir heart, if she ha held at the twins, to the desires of Mrs. Brown’s I given him more to eat and ter rein over the conduct of Th dear childre: to Mrs, Brown, were great lover Ilistory, and they ha squirrels and white mice ad lit was patient and long suffering. starvation and freezing well, he even let one of the squirrels chew up his scrap basket and his hats without a murmur, but when one night on retiring be found his bed filled with white mice, he could stand it ne ger, and, like the worm, he turne ned his ba on the seductive smiles that wreathed “| of Natura comicbooks.com