Judge — January 10, 1885 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

14 THE JUDGE. Naming _the Baby. A CERTAIN punster in Cincinnati, in- terested in the street car lines of the city, recently received an addition to his family and a friend met him two or three days after- wards. “ Hello!” w your house, I hear.” “Yes,” was the reply. * Boy or girl?” “Girl; I’m right sorry, too, for I wanted a boy so T could call him ’Oscar.” “Don’t let that disturb you.” remarked the other wretch, ‘just call her Car’line.” —Merchant Traveler. was the greeting, “ stranger at A Great Scheme. Brown—‘ Ta, ha! I have hit it at last. Fortune smiles once more. Hooray for——” Bluck—‘ Brown, are you crazy? You act as if you had just escaped from a lunatic asylum.” “Crazy! yes; crazy from joy. Congratu- late me, my dear fellow; congratulate me!” “ But what on?” ‘My great invention. It will revolution- ize photography and make it as profitable in the West as anywhere else. One year from now I will reside in a palace, marble front, sides, and back, gold and silver ——” “ Bat you have not explained.” “Do yon see these?” “T see a pair of very dainty little shoos, small enough for Cinderella.” * Exactly. Well, my invention consists in a trap-door for the floor of a photagraph gallery right in front of the chair.” “What has that to do with the shoes.” “Can’t you see? When Western belles want their photographs taken they slip these pretty little shoes under the edge of their dress so that they look like their own.” “But what do they do with their feet?” “Poke ‘em through the trap-door. There's millions in it.”—£z. Old Inveterate Strictures of the urethra, speedily, permanently cured by our improved methods. Pamphlet, refer- ences and terms, two three-cent stamps. || World's Dispensary Medical Association, 663 Main Street, Buffalo, N. Y. 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I have choked one to death and have my eyes on another one, Let me have a half pound please.”—-Arkansaw Traveler. Ilave we a Joseph among us? A teacher i a Sabbath school not far off asked her 933 last Sunday, “if any one knew what eon the occupation of Joseph the husband of Mary?” Up went the little hand of one of her scholars, and the little voice piped out “Please mam, he was a journalist and worked down at the Times office.” Even the teacher lost her gravity. Any one finding it will receive a suitable reward by applying at this office. — Brooklyn Times. Jounny was told he might have half the rapes. When his mother went to the cup- Board she found he had taken all, and left none for his sister. When spoken to by his mother, he replied: ‘Mama, I'll tell you just how it was. When I had eaten half the grap happened to think that I’d eaten up Gracie’s half instead of my own. I was real sorry, but then I couldn’t help it. I'd have given her part of my half, only they were so good that they were all gone before I knew it.”—Boston Transcript. No, Miranda, no; there will be no change in fall styles this year. The woman who steps on the banana- peel will be down ina heap and up again with a faint little shriek before anybody knows anything about it, while the man will fall the length of the block, as usual, waving both hands in the air, kicking with both feet, plunging, throw- ing hat and umbrella into space, howling at every jump, until, breathless and exhausted, he caroms on an ash-barrel at the end of the run and rings down the curtain by rolling down-stairs into a barber-shop.— Brooklyn Eagle. ‘It was amicably arranged,” replied the Texas gentleman to the coroner. ‘* I called him a har and he demanded an apology with a six-shooter.”” “And did you make one?” asked tho coroner, “T did, sir.” “© Was it accepted? ” “Yes, sir.” “« How was it then that you shot him?” “T had to do so to make him understand my apology.” —Exz. Henry James—‘ Well, sir, you see I am here with the manuscript on time. My new American novel is done.” Publisher—‘‘ Thanks for your prompt ness. I see the manuscript is very legibly written, too. Am glad of—but look here, you have Chicago located in Wisconsin.” Henry James—‘‘So I have. What a beastly fluke. Chicago is in New Jersey, of course,” Publisher—‘ And you make the hero start from San Francisco, call on the heroine at Boston the same evening and get back to his bachelor den in San Francisco at eleven o’clock that night.” Henry James—‘‘ Ah, I forgot that Ameri- cans go to bed early. Make it ten o'clock.” —Philadelphia Cait. When everything else fails, Dr. Sage’s Catarrh Remedy cures. Keer money out of marriage copartner- ships—matrimony, acrimony, alimony.-— Merchant Traveler, Proressor WINTERS, @ French scientist, committed suicide because he could not dis- cover to his satisfaction what made the wind blow. Other men have done the same thing who failed to solve the problem of how to raise the wind.—Boston Courier. Viva Voce. Examiner—‘‘Now, can you tell me which of the planets were known to ancients!” Student—‘‘ Ah—-there was Venus and—ah—Jupiter, and—and— I think the E.rth, but—but—I’m not quite certain about the latte London Punch. ACCORDING to a fashion exchange, “ the most fashionable evening costume is a brace- let of violets worn above the elbow.” We should imagine this costume would be more comfortable in summer than during the com- ing winter.—Hartford Post. CONSUMPTION CURED. 0 Ab old urns tan, retired from, remedy f Bonsumptioe, frock Sent by mail by A Novos, 149 Power's Block, He mM 1 ACCIDENT Assoctation, 2 5 ACCIDE INSURANCE At Half the Usual Rates of Other Companies. MEMBERSHIP FEE, $5. The United States Mutual Accident Association, 820 and 322 Broadway, New York. The best in the World. Thousands of claims paid. No valid claims contested or unpaid. $5,000 insurance, with costs $13 a Year. 25 a week Indemnity; JAMES R. PITCHER, Sec’y. 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