Judge — January 10, 1885 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. REACHI HIS R JONES, HAVING Lost BALANCE, Not a Clear Idea of a Sharper. He was such an innocent-looking old man so very green in his ways, that Officer Button at the Central Depot felt a duty to caution him against pickpockets and sharpers. “0, you needn't be afeard of any gittin’ the best of me,” was the reply. come in here and lemme show yon sunthin’.” He sat down in one corner of the waiting- room and pulled off his boots. In each one of them he had $15, and aVout *3 in change in his pockets. “Tn order to git that money,” he said as he pulled his boots on, ‘I’te got to be knocked down, walked on, and them butes undertake to sarve light. Well, take care of yourself.” “0, you bet! I’ve fed on gras y life, but [’m not half as green as you might me Unt 0 suppose.” We went strolling around foran hour or so and then came to Button with acheck in his hand and said: “What street shall Marine Bank?” “«*'There is no such bank her “Well, where’ll I go to get this cashed?” “Great Scott! old man, but what have you been doing?” ~ « Lent a feller $30 and took that check of £4100 for security. He said [could draw the hall of it and keep 0 until he saw me again.” When told that it was worthl and that he had been made the victim of a confidence man, the old fellow took a long time to think and then replied: ** Well, why in land’s name didn’t you ex- plain what a sharper was? TI reckoned that so long as I didn’t trade horses or buy the county right of a washin’ machine no human hyena could wallop me out 0° them 830! ”— Detroit Free Press. I take to go the check Aw exchange says that for a varicty of reasons it is a J y learn how to support herself. Probably one good reason is tht corset strings are not ways to be depended upon in an emergency, —Boston Globe. THE THINKS | her husband, who was of | mind, good thing for ayoung lady to | | UNATTAINABLE. NE HAD WETTER LOOK FORK IT AT ONCE, The Great Disadvantage of Girl | Babies. Os a doorstep half way down Stockton street was a little girl holding a wee baby in her arms. She seemed to be in the highest heaven of tranquil delight. : An old German woman down the sidewalk. “Ain't it too cunnin’!” said the child holding out her tiny charge for inspection. “Ugh!” said the old woman, stopping and sinking back on her obesity, me stumping aid the girl, shaking her head, **How many’s dot alleretty? woman. “ Seven,” “three bo: sked the answered the and five girls.” “Ugh!” grumbled the woman, “ vot ish dot: poy or gel?” “Little girl,” said the child faintly. “ Dot's bad,” said the old woman, s her head; “dey always live die off like der poys. Argonaut. . young nurse, haking nd don’t nefer ‘an Francisco A Painful Sensation. “On, mother,” said a little girl, Sunday morning, while being dressed for Sabbath school; “I feel perfectly awfully; I’ve such a horid old pain, you know.” “Where do you experience the painful sensation?” inquired the solicitous mother. _ ‘Right down here,” she replied, empha- sizing the statement with eloquent gestures of her little hands; “ right down here in my new pink sash!"— Breakfast Table, | Quane.” Masonic Customs. “So the Arabs go to lodge and come home late just as you do,” said Mrs. Mannerly to a convivial turn of | “T don’t know,” he stammercd. “But I know they do, for [ read in a E: er that when an Arabian enters his house he removes his shoes and keeps on his hat. That's what you do when you come home late from the lodge.” — Texas Siftings. | | dollars,” | document A Rebuke Reversed. Sister Grimes, after hearing the an- nouncement from the pulpit of the annual camp-meeting, at once determined to go. “Tf the weather permits,” said she to he friend, Miss Simpkins, “and Providence willin’, I shall go an’ stay through the meet- in Accordingly, theancient trunk was and Sister Grimes set out. The first miles were uneventful, and were passed in counting the telegraph poles and musing up- on the infinite, Suddenly a change came over the spirit of her dreams. She sat up- right, with a startled expression, which soon changed to one of indignation, Suddenly she faced about, and addressing a mild-look- ing man, with a white neck-cloth, who sat behind her, inquired in a voice of terror; What do you mean by insulting me in manner?” “Indeed, Madam——” “You needn't indeed, madam, me. You know you did it, and you needn’t deny it, you sanctimonious old hypocrite.” Pri madam; but— « T won't excuse you, you reprobate.” “What is the matter, madam?” inquired the conductor, who was attracted by Miss Grimes’s indignant tones. «Why this old sinner has been insulting me.” “What has he done, m m?” “He has—well, he has been pinching my feet. d the solemn-looking man, prication! © for a moment, th There, he® just done it again,” screamed er Grimes. * ejaculated the accused. eaped from her seat to the with tire in hereye, and the conductor pulled from beneath the seat a larg from a hole in which protruded the hed arge game ce slaring fierc lunging with his powerful bea lay near. “ Madam,” the solemn looking man, you see, it was your own wretched bird that done the mischief. You have ac- cused an innocent man of a heinous offense, while you, yourself, are on your way to at- tend a cock-fight. Thus it is that Satan be- trays his followers.”"— Boston Globe. whatever “you Lost His Nationality, but Not His Wit. He walked into the offic County Clerk Powers was about to close up, and inquired “if that was the place a man got his p r, this is the place where we can nkee of you, if that is what you want,” replied the oflicer. ‘Well, just be afther filling out mine, sor, for 1 am about to wash me hands of the The clerk did as requested, and after going through the proper form, w asked by the newly made citizen, ‘* How mooch do ye want for that job?” ‘Two iswered Mike, handing him the Well, sor, I suppose Tam all right now “You are O. K. now,” replied the recorder of births and deaths, “and can gt trusted for any amount you want in these Jnited States. ‘*Well, thin, sor, I will com- mence right here; you trust me for thim paypurs.” and as he spoke he slid out of the door. Mike has not been seen to smile since. —Ontonagon Herald. —=— comicbooks.com