Judge — January 3, 1885 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE JUDGE. i HEAVY Bor—‘ I guess I'll go now.” Mrs. Boy—“ For to yet something to eat, 1 get We A side of a printing office but once in their lives, the occasion of Mr. Gil Primrose’s visit being to give testimony in a law-suit held in the editor’s office, and the induce- | ment which deguiled Mr. Odderhonk was | the insertion of an estray notice for a couple of Berkshire hogs. On receiving the bill of sale of the right, | title, interest, dower, easement, quit claim | and good will of the Portland Prodder, Mr. Gil Primrose and Mr, Odderhonk held a consultation regarding the policy and con- duct of the newly acquired organ. “T presume you will expect me to do the editorial work,” observed Mr. Gil Primré “Vell, I dond know apout dot,” replied | Mr. Odderhonk, ‘I have expected you could de dypes oop end, und do de, vat you gall it, bress vork.”” “But I am_ not a-a-that-is-ah-a practical printer, myself.” Mr. Gil Primrose spoke this with an air which implied that not being a practical printer himself, in no way impaired his ability to become a practical printer by ell, I dond know much apout it my- selluf. But I dinks mine son Wilhelm vill do de editorial vork, and I vill attent to de financial end.” “But what do you expect me to do?” anxiously inquired Mr. Gil Primrose. «Vell, der ish de offis to sweeb oudt, und de coal to garry oop sthairs.” «Tim, I made arrangements this morning with an advertising solicitor,” continued Mr. Primrose. ‘‘ He will work for eighteen dollars a week and sixty per cent com- mission.” “On dis newsbaber?” “Yes.” “On de Bortlandt Brodder?” “Yes.” «You mean some odder baber, Mr. Brim- “No, on the Prodder.” “Hum, not much he dond.” “We shall have to get advertising.” | dond it?” | which will disfigure him for life. AISTED HINT. EcoNomicat—<Why, what are you in such a hurry for?” tired when 1 ain't fed up.” “We can’t expect any assistance from Mr. Blaine, financially, until after his election is assured.” “From Mr. Plaine?” “T oxpect I can fix dings mit Mr. Gleve- | landt so as to get de zubsidies.” “But we are to conduct the paper on a purely Republican basis.” “Vell, not dis s ! ; ome odder season. Dis am to pe an off 5 ar mit de Republigans, , a cannot write editorials for Mr. Cleve- jand.” “No? Vell, der ish Wilhelm.” “D—n William!” ejaculated Mr. Gil Primrose. “Dat, dut, Mr. Brimrose. Wilhelm ish mine own son und better you go a leedle ag? slow.” “This ‘is to be a Republican pa; “Not py a shug full. T ean dota you dot, Brimrose,” and Mr. Odderhonk rose in all his majesty and two hundred and fifty pounds of avordupois, Mr. Gil Primrose picked up acolumn rule and glared at Mr. Odderhonk, Mr. Odderhonk abstractedly lifted a handful of news ink, and proceeding to shampoo Mr. Primrose, received a wipe across the face Then the printers interfered and separated the jour- nalista, At the last accounts a law-firm had about eaten up the Portland Prodder, DICK STEELE. A Murray Hill Man. “You say he wasa man of good address?” “Certainly. _ He lives in the very toniest quarter of the city.” Seen at the Seance. “What was the size of the figure that came out of the cabinet?” was asked of a «Yaw, dot ish drue,” man who had attended a spiritualistic seance. “Oh, about medium size,” was the reply. Tempora Mutanter. “Yes, times are changed,” the old man said, And trembled as he spoke, And wiped his glittering And shook his faded cloak. And politics ain’t what they were, Ob, no sir; not a jot, And offices ain't worth a cent, I would not take the lot. I well remember, When Jacks T tell you, man, you ought t What what pains He took in beating everyone, At home and on the street T tell you, sir, you ought Him do up rivals neat.” held know to see “My aged friend,” T ealmly said, “ What do you mean by that? know he was quick-tempered, But d’ye think Tam a flaty Do you suppose, that T su That tough old * Andy J." Would punch a man, because he tho't That he was in his way A stately man, ‘Old Hicko: And, when he di A soldier and he “Well, when he d His hair was ti He m Md I got papers yet.” *Forty-Four’ as jets ere ave voted, for + See!—there he is—he’s swellin’ now, He runs that big saloon And, if he ain't an alderman, You bet he'll get there soon.” necoany coLvea, Theodwinkle Brown Wants to be Post Master. Gusebery, Dee. 5th, 1884. Epitor:—I am a candidate for the Mr. post office in this village, and believe I am more entitled to it than any other man, for noBedy wants it half as badly as I do. I incurred some debts during the canvass and the salary would help me out. I have done much for the party, having been a Demo- crat all my life; in fact, we always keep it in the house. During the campsign I was always on the street, talking for the cause, to the neglect of my business, and often staid so late at night in the interest of the party that I had to be taken home. I have suffered, and my family also. I have been licked seven times by the rascally Republi- cans, and what headaches have I not endured! I would be glad if they could find a better post-master, but that is impossible. Since the election I have put up some pigeon-holes in the stable, and have spent much of my time throwing old letters into them, and have become quite perfect, and nobody could ever beat me at shuflling anything, 80 that my fingers are exccedingly nimble, and I have got by heart the names of offices in this county; those outside are immaterial, though I know almost what state lies east, and what west, and all that liesouth. I think I could tell the difference between a registered, and one with money in it that wasn't registered, and can make out any ordinary writing on the front of envelopes, or the back of postal cards. I think I would look well in a coat of mail, and would like to be a gentleman of letters. I would try to make itagreeable to my custo- comicbooks.com