Judge — December 20, 1884 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

4 THE JUDGE. ul, what you looking at?™ yn me soul, that's what I'm trying to find quired his mother, when Tim arrived home. * Begorra, Oi did that,” answered ‘Tim emphatic: “Oi was 0 filled wid con- sternashun, that divil a soight did the din- tist git o’ me.” “To bee or not to bee? that is the ques- tion,” muttered the raw hand at hivingas he lingered ata distance fromthe swarm. When the bees got throngh with him, half an hour later, he concluded the question was an- swered. Somebody says, “A plain dress commands | more credit than one covered with flounces and furbelows.” This m plain why Mrs. Mulcahey wears only a calico wrapper instead of her satin de relours when she gocs to the corner grocery to get the jug filled in on tick, you ever noticed how a short man, when walking with another short man, fur- tively measures with his eye their respective heigits, and what a self-satisficd grin he wears at the result? Of course, the other short man does the samo thing, and is ar- rayel in the same style of grin, but as each thinks the other doesn’t know what he is rinning at, the harmony of their intercourse is not disturbed. Kennepy, the * greatest chicken fancier in America” died recently in Kentucky, full of years and money. Moral: gu west, young man and fancy chickens. Tnoveu there bea good many of the breed, in the pulpit and on the stump, the jackass generally fails a3 an orator. The reason, perhaps, 18 that. when he asks his audience to lend him their cars, some of his hearers think he is joking, while the rest are disgusted at his cheek. Fanswer Jones borrowed Smith's wheel- barrow. He loaned the wheelbarrow to Brown on condition that Brown would lend him his plow. He loaned the plow to Robin- son on condition that Robinson would lend him his horse. By this time Jones didn’t well know which belonged to whom, so he sold the horse and pocketed the money. Thuis is a profitable business, It is called A Dental You ask me, how have I—so young—lost all my fixings dental! My dear, I once had teeth enough to fill, at least, a cental, But science unto nature's gifts is always detrimen- tal— Especially as practiced by a scientific man. Ditty. When I was barely twelve years old, I duly was apprenticed To Dr. Peter Max Van Schwarz, a Grat surgeon dentist In thy grave this day I'm certain thou repentest The act that bound and gave me to a scientific man. street Ab father! For I was scarcely clothed at all, and very slightly rationed. The doctor practiced on my mouth in absence of a patient; The torments to my tiny frame that this pursuit occasioned Were calmly disrezarded by this scientific man. T lost a molar every day, or canine or incisor, My teeth rolled out as rapidly as ever did the Tser, And when I howled and said it burt, my master answered “fie, sir; Science demands some sacrifice from scientific men.” 1 ventured to remonstrate when his practice reached my eye teeth, In toothless lispings mumbling, ‘they were but my teet Teanswered my remonstn. cevindifferently teeth Should never be an obsta.te to scientific men.” Since then I've prospered in the world; I've gained a name in science, To Schwarz and all the dentist tribe I fl defian But still T must, to chew my grub, on false teeth place reliance And while I eat I'll ne'er forget that sei ga grand “WAKE AND CALL ME EARLY, DARLING.” Wire—" What's the wse of calling you—you never gt up. Hrenaxp—" What of it Long as Lam awake I don't overslep mywif, do TP Tne promising young legal gentleman bad cocupied the room for the last month or two. He had been punctual at bar and board, but mae no show of bucking up. At length the gentlemanly proprietor gave him to understand that ‘*in this house the role is, pay as you go.” “Exactly, but. be logical, landlord, pay as you go; now I'm not going, and I don’t intend to go. Brgo; DO go, no pay.” AN ANNOYING ANSWER. 2 Siy, Moke, what fur you carry der um- brella? Con. Jess ter se line many fools ask dah ques. tion, Y the fust on Tommy's Magic Lantern. is engaged to be married Honeydew. $s Honeydew ha Almost all engas that are small boy Mr. Bumbleton’s experienc But of allthe terrible infants Mr. Bun.ble- ton has been unfortunate enough to come in contact with, little Tommy Honeydew is about the worst, Affairs have reached snch astate, that Mr. Bumbleton finds that he must get on the right side of Tommy or give up the girl. Old Honeydew is rich, and Miss Honeydew is sweet, so, or the whole, Mr. Bun bleton determines to make Tem niece Christ. mas present, and fondly imegines that afier- wards Tommy will leave his eieter and her admurer undisputed eccupants of the parlor fur one or two evenings, at least. Mr. Honesdew consnits the fair Violet a to what Tommy most desires in the way of a Christmas gift. Ie is informed that Tommy has been longing for a Magic Lantern, Mr. Bambleton and Miss Honeydew ac- cordingly visit the largest toy store in town and purchuse a large and expensive lantern, one that can be attached to the Miss Violet approves of the ga ment, and eays 3 a would 1 Tommy to manipulate a limp. a brother, asi tsuch has been arrange- ver allow Then the polite shop-kecper informs the young conple that ther will nced from six to eight feet of small rubber tubing. and t this at some rubber store. Mr, Buinbleton orlers the lantern sent to his own address, and then, on their way up- town, he and Miss Viclet drop into the rubber store. They aro so engrossed with one onother that they never netice Tommy, who is selecting for himself a rubber ball. The eulesman upproaches, and Mr. Bum- Uleton with a bland smile asks for small rubber tubing. **Did you wish it for a nursing bottle?” politely inquired the salesman. The bland look disappears from Mr. Bum- bleton’s countenance, und Miss Violet turns the color of the Jacqueminvt roses sho weara. they will find rehypothecation. comicbooks.com