Judge — December 13, 1884 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WAITING FOR ANOTHER JOB. in the fatal July of ’63. Neither should we insist on making too clo: n inquiry into the catsea which made Lee’s victory at Gettysburg and Grant’s surrender at Appo- mattox worse than useless to our party. As concerns ourself, personally, the reader of the Gripper will notice that in our list of grievances against the black Republicans our private wrongs have found no place. No, the Gripper takes lofty ground and scor to parade the outrages which its editor has suffered during his sojourn in the wilderness referred to above. Hence we forbear to dilate on the pangs of hanger with which our bowels have too often yearned, and of thirst, the extremity of which every truc Democrat will appreciate when we state that, for want of the proper remedy, it has on several occasions driven us to the pum For like reasons of delicacy we shall refrain from making any allusion to the fact that we have been compelled to receive dis- tinguished visitors in our sanctum with our buttoned up to our chin, even in the ys, in order to draw a veil, now over the injured condition, and anon over the entire absence of our shirt (so to speak), and again to carry our arm inasling while we explained that the duel in which we had been engaged last week with the editor of the Whopper resulted in a wound which in- capacitated us for the present to appear in a coat, while the humiliating truth was that both the duel and the coat existed only in the boundless realms of the imagination (poetically speaking). Neither will we dwell on the painful memory of that day when we were compelled to look helplessly on while the Gripper came out with a | r columns in length, because the exhausted con- dition of our credit disabled us from repla ing the half-chewed quid which, during temporary absence from our office (o oned by a commercial gentleman, traveling in the line of Real Rough on Rats, inviting us to step over to the Gutter House and sample some of his prime rotgut) mysteriously dis- appeared, thongh we had, a3 usual on such occasions, deposited it under the stuffed rac- coon which serves as a cushion to our off chair, All these grievances, which we have borne in silence, are the result, be it remem- bered, of the withering Republican adminis- tration which for many years has dried up the stream of patronage that once overflowed the Gripper office. to own that it is only by aray mittent mastication e things, we repeat that we utterly scorn to mingle our private wrongs with the great issues of the day, otherwise we might call attention to the fact that, on those rare | partake of areal dinn a desert of schtinckkase contributed by an enthusiastic country admire orials—we have been compelled, for Jack | ¢lecti completely boal of an our hands on our coat-tail when we h: and in its (so to speak), the that whenever we appeared on the streets we had all the Sull mor sense capital out of the condition of our nat which is not only which w when the election of Mr. Cleveland hap intervened judge whether crime, it is only nece even at a Mr. Greely, the question which more than any other’ s¢ literary and whether th it’s then state, was more likely to be m for vacant lard can than for a va ader only six | the burle forty costumes, rested. hire the property was not r showed great heroism?” And though we are free , ad uninter- f the rankest pigtail that can control our feelir when we recall sions when we had the good f« to square’ Pennsylvania schuitz and knep and schpeck with of the Gripper kin or even a handkerchief, to wipe Lone, it of onr pants ep of which was abi nthe s ynsequen nee, the town at our hee if we were not restrained by our { dignity, might we make political melancholy in the extre sin d: of becomin , but hron ily at an impartial public may e have been guilty of exa enumeration of Republic ition in. thi n | ary to mention that, period so remote as the defeat of ned to ate tl cial circles of D. editor of the Gripper’s pl nest. He Showed Great Heroism. “1 see there will be no performance of que to-night.” ‘That's too bad. What is the e: Why, a bold thief entered the the night, after the show, and stole about “Haven't the police a clu “Oh, yes; the man was followed and ar- It was ascertained that he had been by the other show to do it. However, ecovered. The fellow “* What had become of the costumes?” | “He had swallowed them.” Cause for Declining You're kindness, Pm sure, will condone it." he whispered, “* my sweet, And sanction my A Hint to Dudes. “Tuts life is horwibly du he observed, as he drew his se mn boahed todeath, I , Angelina,” m very sorry that you find life so,” s so beastly dull, yaw knaw; and drumming up vot I feel as if I had nd got down to the ms to be nothing in the | dwe to me and I will ¢ that will engage it.” st something fon Courier. Weatherly Wisps of Wit. Tury were two intelligent citizens—men affairs of the country like a platform for a his coat-tails at | a grocery stove when the other came in, “Itainy morning!” *Yes—it res tather damp Going to be wet.” “Must be Fall rain? “Quite likel. , | presume it is.” tink it will hold u *Well—um—dunno. ite probable.” the top of the stove ed at each other dolt that fellow is, comicbooks.com